"It doesn't matter whether you are single or married." This sentence is a sentence from my good friend Sister Yi (founder of WeChat account "Sister Yi Watching Movies"), in an article posted today. I don't know why, but at this moment, after watching a movie "45th Anniversary" that I wanted to see for a long time, it hit me.
Today at noon, the two of us, taking advantage of the gap between the recording of the show, were in a clear window, um, especially when there were no other customers except for the two of us, we were eating lunch at a Spanish restaurant that we both liked. Talking about the sadness that winter brings us. In my busy, busy, busy life these days, this brief time feels like a dream.
Ordinarily, we are all adult women, working women, wives, mothers... Every day is full of schedules, and a little more sleep is an extravagant hope. Where can there be leisure and sadness? But, life is like that. It doesn't matter whether you are single or married.
For example, "45th Anniversary" tells about an old couple who are about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. A week before the celebration day, they unexpectedly received a letter, and their originally happy life fell into a dilemma:
The letter was sent from Switzerland to husband Jeff, telling him that the body of his girlfriend who accidentally fell off a cliff on a trip with him in the Alps 50 years ago was found and asked him to claim it. The letter said that because the body was frozen in the glacier, it still retains the appearance of the disappearance in 1962, and nothing has changed.
Jeff, who is over sixty years old, was greatly stimulated. He recalled the details of his twenties and his ex-girlfriend. He remembered even the smallest details clearly. He even climbed up to the attic in the middle of the night and dug out the Photos of ex-girlfriends. His obsession made his wife Kate sad, but she still managed to stay calm during the day and focus on getting ready for the weekend anniversary party.
Until Kate, unable to bear her husband's increasingly perverse behavior, also climbed to the attic and dug out a set of slides her husband had taken for his ex-girlfriend when he was young. Kate was playing slideshows one by one in the attic alone, and the ex-girlfriend projected on the white curtain was obviously not a beautiful woman. She must not be as beautiful as Kate when she was young, but compared with the old Kate, she in the photo Still youthful and energetic, in her husband's heart, and even in the physical world, her ex-girlfriend will always stay like this. In the end, Kate was surprised to find that the ex-girlfriend in the photo had a bulge.
No wonder, under his own pressure, the husband admitted (and possibly angry words): If she hadn't died, he would have married her as his wife. Kate couldn't take it anymore, and she asked her husband: Is it possible that the decades of marriage between us have all been meaningless? Are the years we spent together, the special things we did together, the books we read, the big decisions we made, all with the shadow of an ex-girlfriend?
Life cannot be assumed, but women like to assume. If it wasn't us, but with others, what would it be like now? Will it be better, or worse?
In the preface to Paradise Lost, Junichi Watanabe writes:
Suppose a married man and a married woman are madly in love.
They will first consider living together or getting married.
But they are both married, and they know that even the most ardent love will gradually become boring because of the daily chores after marriage, and in the end, those who love each other will only become partners in life together.
If you don't want to do this, but want to keep the warmest love forever and ever, then what should you do?
To this end, they have only one choice, and that is to die together in the extreme of love. If we die together, the bond of love will never be undone.
The first time I read this, I was not yet 20 years old, the age when I was full of the most romantic imagination for love, eternity, holding hands and growing old together. It is simply incomprehensible, why human beings have come this far? For me at that time, there were only two states of emotion, love and no love. Love was together, and if you didn't love, it was separated. How could there be so many pruning and chaotic?
Now, I am about to enter middle age (to a certain extent already), I have also been married for 8 years, and have a 2-year-old child. Suddenly, I began to slowly realize the state of mind written in the novel. Terrible. Does getting old start with becoming vague about right and wrong?
Friends say that marriage is much longer than we think. But before the 45th anniversary, we still have a long, long way to go. It was already a thousand choices in the beginning, and the most suitable candidate for him in all aspects, if anyone else changed it, it would only be worse. However, the cruelty of marriage is that year after year, your good and your bad are exposed in front of this person. A good marriage is relaxing, completely real; and the consequence of being completely real is to become like air, and no one will cherish the air unless the smog comes.
When I first started working as an editor, I made many choices about how to keep my love fresh, but now I think it's naive and ridiculous. How can love be kept fresh? A friend said that it probably takes two mature and interesting people who are curious about the world to work together carefully before they have a chance to do it. Even if the relationship is as good as me and Pharaoh, there is more and more relatively silent time, or the opening is to talk about work, housework and children.
At the end of "45th Anniversary", the old couple's wedding anniversary party was held as scheduled. During the banquet, old Jeff took Kate's hand, choked up and thanked her for being his wife, tolerant of his willfulness, and always accompanying him. Probably all the couples in the world, if they can reach that day, they can hold hands and say a lot of tearful confession - it's really worth crying a lot, I spent my whole life with one person, what kind of thing is this? Spirit and perseverance?
Therefore, good stories do not describe the middle part of married life, either at the beginning or at the end. Talk about my favorite love story "The Notebook", the classic monologue at the beginning:
"I, nothing special, just an ordinary person with ordinary ideas, living an ordinary life, no one erects a monument to me, sings praises, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one thing I'm more successful than anyone, I love someone with all my heart, and for me, that's enough."
This story is especially touching, I cry every time I read it (Gosling is really handsome), because it only describes the beginning of a true love, and the perfection of going hand in hand to Huangquan, the long process in the middle, who wants to watch it ?
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