new cohen

Larry Gopnik: There's some mistake. I'm not a member of the Columbian Record Club.

Dick Dutton: Sir, you are Lawrence Gopnik of 8419 Fern Hill Road?

Larry Gopnik: No, I live at the Jolly Roger.

Dybbuk?: I shaved hastily this morning and missed a bit-by you this makes me a dybbuk? It's true, I was sick with typhus when I stayed with Peselle, but I recovered, as you can plainly see, and now I-hugh!

[She stabs him in the chest with an ice pick]

Dybbuk?: What a wife you have!

Shtetl Husband: Woman, what have you done?

Dybbuk?: Why would she do such a thing? I ask you, Velvel, as a rational man: which of us is possessed?

Shtetl Wife: What do you say now about spirits? He is unharmed!

Dybbuk?: On the contrary! I don't feel at all well.

[Blood begins to seep from his chest]

Dybbuk?: One does a mitzvah and this is the thanks one gets?

Shtetl Husband: Dora! Woe, woe! How can such a thing be!

Dybbuk?: Perhaps I will have some soup. I am feeling weak. Or perhaps I should go. One knows when one isn't wanted.

Shtetl Husband: Dear wife. We are ruined. Tomorrow they will discover the body. All is lost.

Shtetl Wife: Nonsense, Velvel. Blessed is the Lord. Good riddance to evil.