I saw beggars on the road.
Yes, many, many beggars gathered in front of the church on Hengshan Road, those with a broken leg, blinded with an eye, crooked necks, and terminally ill people who were about to die.
This church seems to be holding a big charity service about, bringing together people of all colors. A black-faced woman with dreadlocks and dreadlocks stood on the phone next to a wheelbarrow on which a ragged quilt covered a skinny old man who seemed to be dying. A messy man pushing a wheelbarrow, unsurprisingly, should be her husband.
They appear to be helped by the black woman.
I didn't stop to look at the stories of each of these different beggars around this church, and I was amazed that God's "Supreme Love" is so important to people facing death threats. They are like a pair of hands poking out in the dark, eager to sprinkle some of the light and rain from this church on their bodies.
Instead, pedestrians hurried past, mostly tourists who came out to sweep the streets like me.
No one wants to freely release their morality and goodwill in front of the church. With the cold wind of winter running through our necks, it's like urging each of us to get out of this strange air of alms and giving.
On the way back, I pondered over and over again the commonalities between the instincts of life these beggars pursued and our quest for dreams, freedom and love. I think if faith in Christ can bring about a feeling of being loved, and we are no longer so alone, living our day-to-day lives. These people around the church door are probably all the people who are as afraid of loneliness as I am and feel that their lives are stolen every day.
I remember visiting this church with Liang a year ago.
We rushed in rashly, and there were a large number of people participating in the worship, and during the chanting process of a godfather, they maintained a high degree of silence. This kind of well-meaning place, of course, allows strangers to break in. We grabbed a bible from a volunteer at the door, then went into the middle of the audience and selected seats.
Looking back now, I have completely forgotten about the content of this class and what kind of faces were sitting around. But what impressed me was the embarrassing embrace of each other to the extreme.
Ryo separated from me looking for a seat, sitting closest to the godfather, and I was in the corner of the back row, unfamiliar with the worship crowd. At the end of the godfather's sermon, he called on the brothers and sisters on the left and right to embrace each other to show respect for God and respect for the love for each other.
Ryo in the front row was embarrassed, hugged a strange man, and thanked each other. And I didn't hug anyone.
Later, after the two of us came out of the church, we left with a heart full of silence.
Years later, this scene is still so powerfully recalled that it seems to shake my darkness and subjugate me to certain illusions of life in terms of kindness and love.
My position is different.
Although I know this world, all good intentions are extreme, absolute, the appearance of evil.
Goodness in belief is in part due to small-society-like drives and strong moral imperatives that make everyone show a face of kindness and a deliberately equal distance from evil.
But it is this disguise of the beauty of nasty material that can categorically separate "light" and "darkness" into two different worlds. The love that exists in the religious code presupposes mutual respect and ceremonial restraint, and allows us to give each other the gift of love, and to shape ourselves.
However, because of the hugs and love given by the other party, we must give up our own pleasure and self-expression, and become a subordinate public. We will eventually dare not face our core desires and completely reject some deviance from morality. .
This is sick.
I think that if Liang and I were not hugging anyone in the liturgy of that church later, or we were withdrawing from the public immersed in our own moral pleasure, this kind of free subjectivity would have to be bombarded. Boom and drive away.
A prerequisite for believing in goodness and love is obedience.
Looking at all the comments of "Fantasy", because it challenges everyone's fantasy about love and family, strips away the most piercing pain, and exposes the ugliest to the extreme hidden behind emotions, TODD HAYNES this This attempt was met with much criticism.
Although this ugly display is behind the gorgeous photography and the constantly changing fashion blockbuster costumes of the protagonists, despite the superb acting skills of several leading actors, each character has a "human" dignity and an absolutely specific morbid psychology.
And for me, the pathology it explains and the way each feels pleasure is a complete humiliation of human morality.
///A life that doesn't belong to you///
How can you find the ultimate support for life in the face of the day-to-day cycle?
Maybe desire is the only way to save yourself. In the final analysis, in a family where two people live together, what the two men and women communicate to each other is the lack of each other's hearts and the ultimate absence of the soul.
Therefore, the ultimate direction of a perfect and harmonious marriage relationship must be an independent space opened up by two people in the quarrel and contradiction. Long-term married life has reached a stage of pale dialogue, and there is no embarrassment even in the silence of each other. From the beginning of love, marriage has been mixed with too much falsehood.
In order to distance themselves from the cruelty and indifference of real life, people began to resort to marriage to maintain a sense of distance from those moral imperatives. Most people invest their most precious time and emotion in doing the fake and fake part in maintaining this lifestyle.
And accepting the stupidity and ugly truth of sexual relations, the passage of time and the accumulation of emotions are completely ineffective.
A point in time divides life into two relatively separate parts - pre-marriage and post-marriage, but they are inseparable from the previous whole.
MILDRED and BERT start the movie with a quarrel that can't be beat. Then BERT left home.
The picture is too happy and comfortable, as if the male and female protagonists are running hard in each other's lives, and then pause in the warm and harmonious kitchen. They both encountered insurmountable boundaries.
The way that love appears can only be realized on the premise of concealment and forgery. The foundation was unstable from the beginning, and the high-rise marriage building built by the two was crumbling during an affair.
During the quarrel, they both showed the most terrifying truth that binds the two together, and the dreamlike charm of marriage woven out in MILDRED's sentence "If you dare to walk out of that door, I swear you will never do it in this life." I want to come back again" vanished.
BERT finally left completely, and MILDRED returned to his life.
However, she spent half her life in a life that did not belong to her, and when she finally returned to her own life, she was helpless. This first half is more like a feminist movie, from MILDRED's perspective, she looks at the world calmly and objectively. Because of her class and background, she cannot get rid of her innate sense of destiny. It is precisely because of this arrogant class barrier that she tried her best to get rid of her current life.
MILDRED feels that serving others is a very mundane thing, which forms a fierce conflict with her yearning for the sublime and wealthy. The sublime nature of middle-class life is on the verge of collapse. She feels sick and falls in the bathroom again. I said to LUCY over and over:
"LUCY, I just can't do it."
"What to do?"
"Wear work clothes, pay for consumption, and deal with those sectarians. They even scolded me face to face. My...his hand is on mine..."
So what would an ideal life look like? What is the life that truly belongs to MILDRED?
Perhaps it is a state of being in need, in a desperate desire to be loved, hidden behind the sublime appearance of kindness and freedom from fate, a deep-seated marginalization and a desire close to madness.
///The victim///
Sometimes life will gradually become a dream with your imagination and desire for it.
Just like after experiencing a beautiful dream, you will inevitably find that in this dream, you are lacking in life or thinking, and the sense of life that does not exist occupies the gap of our desires.
This is not seen in the noble life of sanctimoniousness, routine work, selfless love in front of family members. Behind this harmonious and unified wholeness, what is missing is the truth of desire. This element of desire is like an ever-increasing abyss, hidden behind the moral imperative and the desire for a dream of life, constantly forming a strong rejection and repression on the positive and negative sides of oneself.
But life's own desire to explore unknown areas drives MILDRED to step into a wrong river to find the truth of life.
By the time you realize your mistake, the price to pay has already been paid.
MILDRED and MONTY met as waiters and guests. Because of a joking conversation in the restaurant, she followed him to the small cabin by the sea, covering up the deep guilt of abandoning the current life with an extremely romantic love experience. But forgiveness does not exist. During her time away, the youngest daughter died.
Tragedy boils down to the disastrous idiosyncrasies sculpted into MILDRED's character texture.
She is too emotionally and sexually dependent.
This completely replaced the joy she had in her career and success. It is the excessive unconsciousness of emotion and sex that all her kindness seems to be in a desire to be loved and a feeling of respect for her daughter, and a desire to give her lover materially and thoroughly, and to her daughter. The tragic ending seems to be inevitable.
Daughter VEDA is a snake.
In the original work and the artistic treatment of TODD HAYNES, VEDA completely overturned the traditional ethics and morality, and replaced it with a radical new world ethical attitude. She is an enlarged version of the desire chase in MILDRED's heart. Nor was she of noble birth, but she yearned for and arrogantly lived a life of superiority from beginning to end.
MILDRED has paved the way for her to become a musician, allowing her to be eternally noble and arrogant, just like another extension of her own life. She sent VEDA to learn piano from a pianist and then to VEDA as an adult to learn vocal music from TREVISO. This journey has created VEDA's narcissistic and pretentious high profile.
She has a lonely and glamorous appearance, but her complete rebellion makes her a completely threatening existence to MILDRED. There is a plot in the movie that is a symptomatic foreshadowing of this tragic ending:
VEDA is looking forward to Christmas gifts, hoping to get a luxurious piano, but when it is unpacked, it is a watch. After that, VEDA began to complain about his dissatisfaction and disgust with his mother, and lit a cigarette. MILDRED ordered her to pinch the cigarette, and she ignored it, even with a defiant look in her eyes.
"Exit the cigarette and pick up the matches." "Fuck
you."
MILDRED stepped forward and slapped her, and she slapped her mother back. This time, the fan goes beyond the bottom line of everyone's ethics and morality, and then he endlessly judges the director's unforgivableness with a completely critical and absolutely love standpoint.
Yet the slap in the face was, in some ways, a symptom of the impending unraveling of MILDRED's hard-earned love and kinship. MONTY's love for her is just an illusion. Behind the illusion is pure revenge for MILDRED's desire for control. After doing all she can to please her and enduring her occasional emotions, she still shows a stubborn attitude of acceptance, deceiving MILDRED all the time. until the end of life. This kind of falsification and deception is the most cruel in the arrangement of the story.
The viciousness of VEDA is that she is nakedly threatening MILDRED's life, and questioning MILDRED's self-worth, making her feel humbled. This is the darkest place in life, and her hard work in her entire life has not been able to exchange half of VEDA's gratitude.
She became a complete victim of her own desires. received no mercy.
///Deadly Curse ///
Sometimes the real world is our ultimate support after all the mental torment, the frustration of love.
And the real world of those day-to-day monotonous lives that I have endured is no longer looking for a way out of my own life.
Everyday meaninglessness will become the only option after constant frustration and disappointment.
One day we will come to terms with our lives, in some sense reconciliation. The feelings that have been given, the desire to love and be loved, and the struggle to find one's place in the relationship between relatives and friends, all these constitute a huge defect, which is no longer a loss, but has formed a cognition - and reality. Conflicts in life need to be resolved.
MILDRED has given everything that he can give, but his only desire is to be loved and respected, and he has never gotten a little bit of feedback. Instead, it has been replaced by suffocating frustration.
VEDA later met an unprecedented blow on the music road, and then it has been sinking and life was once bohemian. What's even more absurd is that she had a relationship with the child of the director's wife who used her class status to oppress her, and staged a bloody marriage lawsuit.
Since then the mother-daughter duo began to break up, and VEDA finally said what she had always wanted to say:
"You know why, I'll tell you, with enough money, I can get rid of you, you, and your snack bar, Chicken, and everything that smells greasy. I can get out of Glendale, out of the bargains, out of the furniture factory, out of the men and women in overalls, out of all these things that make me see run-down and disgusting. Also With you."
This is a death sentence for his own mother. VEDA would rather sleep on the street than live under MILDRED's wings. Because of the control generated by love, she felt the fear and anger of being swallowed up by her mother.
VEDA's abandonment of family is repeating the cycle of MILDRED, jumping from the authentic reality in the small town of life to the once dream world.
Those who are under the control of desire become invisible murderers who want to kill their own mothers.
Later, VEDA became famous and returned to MILDRED's side. The movie seemed to give us some hope at this stage. At VEDA's public performance, the song that was given to my mother, and the song that I gave at my mother's wedding, all seemed to me Make up for what I owe my mother, mediation about love.
With this phantom dream, MILDRED is once again willing to abandon everything, and she goes bankrupt to help her daughter become famous. But in an unconscious state, he fell into the huge trap of his daughter.
Because money can make all experiences that seem beautiful and dreamy in this world disgusting. Family and love are still the same. After MILDRED declared bankruptcy, when he returned home, all the dreamy and beautiful mists were split apart by a thunderbolt. His daughter had an affair with her lover and was caught in bed.
This is also the climax of the whole show, and the climax of the ugliness that transforms into black beauty, murdering the one she loves, killing her mother, taking her lover and everything, and inflicting the unbearable humiliation of MILDRED .
At a time when the rising mother-daughter relationship is developing in the direction that everyone expects, the director makes the plot reverse, which is the black part of the black story.
This is exactly what it looks like after losing the love of mother and love, and it seems to be living under the strong curse of sin. In a way, MILDRED has been killed by his daughter's unethical behavior.
At the end of the movie, VEDA stood in front of the car and faced the old-faced mother, telling him that he was about to leave, and that this mother only survived in the name of mother. In the depths of VEDA's heart, the hatred for his mother is a black hole that cannot be filled.
"You must have spent a lot of time thinking about it until now."
"I don't know what you mean, Mom."
"United Foods, what is it, two thousand five a week, not to mention that this is your chance to fly away. Always stay away from everything you hate, that's what you think, isn't it."
"Tell you I'm going to miss my flight again. Goodbye, Dad."
"Come on, go. Do you really have a bad voice? "
Don't make a fuss in front of everyone, Mom. Go and disappear in front of me. I don't need you either. Go to your New York, I don't care. Never come back if you can. Don't hear me, never come back. I Never have to put up with you again. Never again."
How hard it is to hate someone you love.
The person who has spent your whole life caring for her in the name of love has taken everything from you, and you have to hate her. After going through everything, the emotion of love can no longer contain the expression of hate. MILDRED later became soberly aware of the emptiness of the real world, and the anxiety about love finally turned into grief.
Letting go of the desire and anxiety of life, you can be more aware of the truth behind the surface. When MILDRED and her husband Bert looked at each other tearfully and finally said "Let her go to hell", the truth of the matter was no longer so distorted and vague. The lies about love and the exhaustive exploration of another life are all hallucinations .
Let everything take its course.
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