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A monologue in a movie
Sigurd 2022-04-08 09:01:13
Football has meant too much to me and come to represent too many things to me. And after a while, it all gets mixed up together in your head. You can't remember whether life's shit because Arsenal's shit or the other way around. I 've been to watch far too many games, and spent too much money. Fretted about Arsenal when I should have been fretting about something else. I've asked too much of the people I love. OK, I accept all that. Perhaps it's something you can't understand unless you belong. But what about this... Three minutes to go and you're 2-1 up in a semi-final. You look around and see thousands of faces contorted with fear and hope and worry . Everyone lost. Everything else gone out of their heads. Then the whistle blows and everyone gets spare. And just for those few minutes, you've at the centre of the whole world. And the fact that you care so much, that the noise you've made has been such a crucial part of it, is what makes it special. You've been as important as the players and if you hadn't been there, who'd have been bothered about football, really? The great thing is, it comes round again and again. There's always another season. If you lose the Cup of Final in May, there's the third round to look forward to in January. What's wrong with that? It's actually pretty comforting if you think about it. But every now and then, not very often, but it happens, you catch a glimpse of a world that doesn't work like that . A world that doesn't stop in May and begin in August. There's some stuff that just never comes back. And some stuff that just won't go away.And some stuff that you couldn't ignore even if you wanted to.
Extended Reading
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Sarah Hughes: So you don't get many Micky Thomas moments in real life?
Paul Ashworth: You don't a lot in football either.
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Sarah Hughes: Paul, it's only a game!
Paul Ashworth: DON'T SAY THAT! Please! That is the worst, most stupid thing anyone could say! Cause it quite clearly isn't "only a game." I mean if it was do you honestly think I'd care this much? Eh? Eighteen years! Eight-teen years! Do you know what you wanted eighteen years ago? Or ten? Or five? Did you want to be Head of Year at North London Comprehensive, I doubt it. I'd doubt if you wanted anything for that long. And if you had, and if you'd spent three months thinking that finally, FINALLY you were gonna get it and just when you think it's there it's taken away from you... I mean I don't care what it is, a car, a job, an Oscar, the baby... then you'd understand how I was feeling tonight. But there isn't, and you don't, so...
Sarah Hughes: So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my mock-Os. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.
Paul Ashworth: Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.