broken life

Colton 2022-12-18 03:22:46

July 27, 2016
Guangzhou
Rain


1/
Today, I went out with that empty resume again.
Why use the word emptiness? Because it has nothing to say, and I have nothing to say.
The interviewer asked me a question: Briefly describe the important things in your life.
I thought about it, nothing important, going to school, going home, dormitory, reading, surfing the Internet.
Suddenly I found myself living so badly that I didn't feel worthy of that job myself.



After the interview, go home with an empty head. I got on the crowded subway and glanced at everyone in the subway.
What are they doing? clerk? clean? teacher? reporter? salesman?
I watched everyone carefully, but I couldn't find any clues.



2/
I suddenly remembered a high school teacher who once said mockingly: "Don't look at me, I am still teaching here decades later."
At that time, I was shocked, not to say how great he was, dedicating his life to Hypocritical words about education, but why he could endure doing the same thing for years and years.
Then why did you marry her?



After teaching for so many years, is there anything in it that is worthy of his memory and can cause his psychological ups and downs?
I hope so, but I can't forget the numb expression on his face when he said that.
Like the expression on the face of the hero of this movie when he hears his wife's death.




3/
Like the heroine, I envy the male lead.


When I was 18 years old, I met my biological parents for the first time. Yes, the biological parents.
Before we met, I thought of thousands of reasons for them to abandon me.
However, in the end, I found that I had two older sisters, one younger sister, and finally a little boy fifteen years younger than me.


I wanted to question them, but I saw that they were forced to. I had to take the question back.



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Extended Reading

Demolition quotes

  • Davis: Who the fuck drives a station wagon?

  • Davis: What about the boys at school? Is there anybody that you like, that you find attractive?

    Chris: Maybe Andrew White. He's a junior, and we have the same gym class too. We have to get changed together.

    Davis: Do you watch him when you get changed?

    Chris: No.

    Davis: Well then I don't think you're gay, Chris.

    Chris: I have to try not to look. I have to tell myself not to.

    Davis: Yeah, no, that's normal, you know. I mean, you're young and curious, it's...

    Chris: Sometimes I imagine his dick in my mouth.

    Davis: Oh. That's different.