Marriage is a son of a bitch, what are you holding on to?

Louisa 2022-03-25 09:01:15

Cheerilee/Wen

You have every right to abandon me. But you don't, you stuck in there with me
.
——"The One I Love" (The One I Love, 2015)

1
If love is a romantic drama, marriage is undoubtedly a thriller.

The beauty of two people is often shown in the surprise of first acquaintance. At that time, the other party was an angel with a halo above his head, dressed in a pure white robe, and fluttered with a pair of giant Bling-bling wings, which made people confused and fascinated. After years of ruthless polishing, the angel's wings are broken, the face is disgraced, and the brightness of the halo is not as bright as an LED light bulb. Angels degenerate into demons, and they either show their teeth and dance their claws all day long, with grim faces, or they close their eyes and listen to them with indifference.

This is how our first love ended up in a marriage. It is also the original intention of Ethan and Sophie to turn to a marriage expert - to recreate the beauty of the first encounter.

Experts recommend them a vacation home. Desperate couples who have been there, come back like "a different person".

Ethan and Sophie arrive at the holiday home and find a couple who look exactly like them in the guest room. As long as one party enters the room alone, he will meet the other party in the room. Unlike the people around him, the fake spouse in the guest room knows how to please him better. They thought it was too weird, and after fleeing, they couldn't help being driven by curiosity. They returned to the holiday home and agreed to give each other a certain amount of time to spend with their fake spouse.

In the process of getting along with the fake Ethan, Sophie gained the attention and attention she didn't get from Ethan, and gradually fell in love with the fake Ethan. Ethan felt the crisis, and pretended to be a fake Ethan to have a relationship with Sophie, and was later exposed by the fake Ethan, causing a rift between Ethan and Sophie to turn against each other again.

A lost Ethan came to the guest room and found many secrets, but couldn't get out. The next day, fake Sophie came to the guest room to tell Ethan the truth. It turns out that the real purpose of the fake couple is to try their best to break up Ethan and Sophie, so that the two no longer love each other, so that the fake Ethan and the fake Sophie can leave the holiday house, get freedom, and survive as Ethan and Sophie. The premise is that the real Ethan and the real Sophie stay until a third couple appears, they are separated and left, leave the house, and then live in the name of the third couple.

But this time things didn't go well. Fake Ethan falls in love with the real Sophie and wants to leave the holiday house with the real Sophie. Fake Sophie releases Ethan to stop Fake Ethan's plan. During the chasing, the fake Ethan was killed. The real Ethan could only leave with one person, and at this time he couldn't tell which one was the real Sophie and which one was the fake Sophie. I saw one smiling at him and one closing his eyes, Ethan chose the one who smiled at him.

Ethan and Sophie live happily ever after from the holiday home. After the two frolic, Sophie plans to make breakfast for Ethan, saying that it contains bacon. The old Sophie never liked Ethan eating bacon. Ethan was stunned for a while, then ran to the kitchen to fight with Sophie...

The film ends here, and the new life of Ethan and Sophie has just begun. Or to put it another way, Ethan's life with the new Sophie has only just begun. Whether Sophie is real or not, she's finally what Ethan likes. From now on, no one will forbid him to eat bacon, no one will persuade him to exercise, and no one will question his dressing taste. However, is this what he wants?

2Love

has always been a problem through the ages, you never know whether two people love each other is a chemical reaction or telepathy. However, it actually controls our lives.

The original love was like a magical manifestation. After entering the real marriage, you are no longer gentle, sexy, and cute, and I have become boring, indifferent, and stubborn. Unconsciously, I have lived a life that the other person hates. Are we all changed?

Marriage experts would say, we haven't changed. There is no perfect person in this world, everyone is different from others because of their unique flaws.

So what has changed? is the distance.

Perfection is something that can only be viewed from a distance. It looks beautiful from a distance, but when you walk in, you will discover the truth that you cannot bear to look directly at. It's like a beautiful figure that looks flawless from a distance. When you look closely, you will smell the unexpected body odor.

Two people who love each other, the closer the distance, the less they treat each other as an outsider, and the more they treat him the way they treat themselves. Therefore, if we are critical of ourselves, we will be critical of each other. The things we fear, we won't let the other person do. What we can’t do but want to do, we expect the other person to do. We love each other as we love ourselves, and we are critical of each other as we are critical of ourselves.

However, no matter what you do, you can only successfully prove the fact that the other party disappoints you, because he can't meet your requirements at all, and there is no hope of change.

Sometimes, change a person, maybe you will find that he is what you are looking for. Once approached, everything will repeat itself.

Why do we demand so much of each other and so little of ourselves? Why must the other party be perfect, but ask the other party to accept their own imperfections?

After all, we don't love each other, but ourselves. Just like, parents always unconsciously like the child who looks the most like them; Just like, we always like to be with people who are similar to us; Just like, most of the episodes on TV that move us most are those who can The plot that makes us feel the same... There is no one in this world who loves ourselves more than we do.

The depth of love is so deep that you forcibly install yourself on the closest person, and let the other person complete the things that you have not done on your behalf. as we expect from our children. I like to draw, and I hope my children will become painters; I have not learned musical notes, and I hope that my children will be more exposed to music; I am not good at English, so I will enroll my children in training classes... Therefore, when we are not used to our own bodies , we will hope that our lover can exercise; when we are dissatisfied with our current situation, we will ask the other party to make progress; when we do not consider the other party's feelings, we will accuse the other party of being selfish...

We felt so close to each other that what the other did for me was a matter of course. In fact, there are so many things that are taken for granted in this world, but we treat each other as another self, and regard him as a tool for us to complete ourselves.

But the other party is not a tool to be kneaded by others. He also has requirements for us, but different people deal with it differently. Some people choose to "face the enemy head-on", accuse and abuse; some choose to let it go and make do with it; some people, like Ethan, choose to escape, throw themselves into the embrace of a third party, and use "true love" Desecrate our feelings in name.

These are all our own sins. Even if we say "I love you" every day, we still can't change the subconscious deep in our hearts that loves us the most. After thinking about it, you will find that every "I love you" is a fill-in-the-blank question: I love you (make the bacon I like); I love you (wear the clothes I like); I love you (keep exercising to keep body shape); i love you (without glasses); i love you (confess to me for your faults); i love you (thanks for my silent giving)...

no wonder both Ethan and Sophie lean towards the other version The other party, because that other party satisfies all the requirements of the other party. So, Sophie fell in love with the perfect Ethan (fake Ethan) in her mind. According to the above logic, Sophie is actually in love with herself.

But the reality is that your partner will ask you to give him a portion of your love. He will find ways to stop you from loving yourself. So, the film arranges for Ethan to dissuade Sophie. "I am your husband, you are my wife, and I will never let you abandon me." After it was Ethan's turn to firmly grasp the initiative, his choice was to love himself in the end. This is probably the nature that we can't get rid of at all.

3

The vacation house in the film is a fable incubator in a sci-fi guise. It raises a question for us to ponder: marriage is a matter of two people, either in or out. The premise of the same exit and entry is to maintain two separate individuals. That is, we have to accept the fact that the other is an individual.

He has his own tastes, preferences, strengths and weaknesses, one that pleases you and one that you dislike. All these are combined to form the real existence in front of us. We love him, and it is impossible to cut him apart and love only the part we like. Just like sunshine always comes with shadow. We love his seriousness and seriousness, and we have to accept his boredom and stubbornness.

I have never been afraid to confuse love and marriage. Because many of us love, in fact, grow in marriage. Before marriage, it is enough to entrust us with a lifetime of goodwill, and the days after marriage are the breeding ground for love.

The more you see the flaws and weaknesses of the other party, the more you feel the truth and sincerity of the other party. That intimacy is irreplaceable to anyone. Just like a puppy, only when you fully trust you will it give you the most vulnerable belly to stroke. Of course, if the other party is "pampered and arrogant" and puts on a diaosi appearance of "I am like this, you ignore it", then it is another matter.

This is why psychologists repeatedly advise us to accept our own imperfections, our lover's imperfections, and our love's imperfections.

How to accept it? There are only two words - respect and tolerance.

I respect your existence as another individual. You and I are one person and two souls. The relationship is close enough to blend with each other, but we are independent. I respect you not me, respect you and I are different. All in all, this is: I love you as an independent person, not another imperfect self. We have been born alone, and we don't need to talk to ourselves about a love that accompanies each other.

Then there is inclusion. I have to learn to forgive my own shortcomings and deficiencies, but also learn to forgive you when you can't do it. We are not perfect people, but together, your strengths make up for my shortcomings, and my strengths make up for your shortcomings, then we are perfect together.

It's a simple addition and subtraction that anyone who can count can't make a mistake. But what is the reason for our frequent mistakes?

View more about The One I Love reviews

Extended Reading

The One I Love quotes

  • Ethan: Well, I'm not an aardvark.

    Ethan: [fake] And *I* am not a gorilla.

  • Sophie: [fake] Are you more concerned with the experiences that me and your Ethan shared or are you more concerned with what I know about the experiences that you and my Ethan shared?