The more you are afraid of losing, the more it will leave you

Ewald 2022-03-28 09:01:02

I watched "Still Alice" in tears at night, and I can't fully describe why I shed so many tears for this film. Maybe it's because this film made me see the struggle and powerlessness of human beings in the face of disease and the ego. But through this film I saw even more: the more you are afraid of losing, the more you will leave.

Alice is a woman with a very successful career and family. She loves life and longs to live it to the fullest. She loves her job, loves her husband and three children, and seems too happy for her, so God gave her a little joke: She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just after her fiftieth birthday. And because she was a well-educated, educated woman, her condition worsened faster in her.

Alice once told her husband that she would rather have cancer, at least that way she wouldn't have a social barrier.
Yes, a decent and glamorous life is too important to her. She enjoys being on the podium and sharing her ability to use subtle words, the star power and sense of accomplishment that public speaking gives her. She pays to help her two children study law and medicine, two of the most respectable jobs in America. Gao Xiaosong said in his "Xiao Song Qi Tan" that ordinary people and rich people in the United States have given a lot of money to lawyers and doctors. Her youngest daughter, Lydia, lives the most real life, but in her opinion, Lydia has chosen a career that cannot be guaranteed: acting. At the beginning of the movie, she wants to change Lydia's choice and wants her to go to college, even if it is drama. When she was diagnosed with the disease, she even used her own health as a reason to want her youngest daughter to go to college.

Alice wants to control her and her children's lives so strongly, but she's not as happy as she shows the world.
When she was a child, she heard the teacher say that the beautiful butterfly has a short life and would cry bitterly; at the age of 18, her cherished mother and sister died in a car accident; these things left a deep imprint on her: she felt the limitation of life, and she eagerly wanted to save it. Had a great time. But she didn't have time to figure out what kind of life she wanted, and the universal values ​​of society kidnapped her: an excellent job, a happy family, a happy life, and she made herself a perfect Alice. The only regret in her life seems to be her youngest daughter's career problem, so she always tries her best to solve it. But in reality, everything she wanted to hold on to was quietly lost.
As a proficient linguist, she found herself increasingly forgetting certain words during her speeches, and eventually having difficulty uttering simple sentences due to illness; as a beloved wife, when she When she informed her husband about her condition, her husband couldn't believe it and did not dare to face it. When her condition worsened, her husband also hoped that she could have a decent social life. When she begged for her mobile phone in the middle of the night, her husband just perfunctory. To appease her; as a mother of a happy family, her children do not have a harmonious relationship, the eldest daughter pursues excellence like her, eagerly controls people and things around her, and is often cynical to her younger siblings... Everything that Alice is eagerly pursuing may have been obtained. But they were all tragically lost, and everything is only left in the memory of the family...
It is a pity: the little daughter Lydia who seems to love her the most, is the only one who still cares about her after her illness. Chat, who cares about her feelings; someone who instead chooses to come back to her to take care of her when other family members, including her husband, leave for business.

Some would say that's because her work is the least valuable.
If you measure Lydia purely by economic income, then you still don't know much about life. In Lydia's world, acting is her true passion, but she understands that family is more important. She will not give up her dying companionship to her dearest in pursuit of her career. So when Dad said to her: You are a better man than me (you are a better man than me), I took it seriously. The father in the film can't face the deteriorating Alice with love and care, he only loves the excellent and capable Alice. So even if his wife needs his company every day, he will still choose a career.
Alice is afraid of the shortness of life, that she is not living to the fullest, that her family is not happy enough, that her children are not happy enough, that her work is questioned (that's why she cares so much about whether her speech is perfect enough and whether she uses it accurately). words)... With the arrival of the disease, she finally lost control of it all very quickly.
What does Alice really want? Judging from the pictures of her teenage years that often popped up in her mind after she got sick, judging from her expectation for her husband to accompany her on vacation after she fell ill, and judging from her job with stable protection for her children, what she really cares about may be happiness Happy family. But when her health was deteriorating, when she was completely powerless about what life she could have, when her brain didn't know how to be afraid at all, she really had the deep affection from her little daughter.

In real life, there are too many examples where the more afraid you are, the more you will lose.
The more parents who want to control their children, the more they plan their children’s studies, work and marriage, but the more they find that their children are out of control; the more they want to get a lover, although they give up everything they have, give up dignity and money, but the less they can’t get what they love; The more people who want to live a perfect life, the more afraid they are to face their own imperfections, but the more they realize that their life is not perfect; the more people who want to be liked by people around them, the easier it is to find out that they are not even though they put a lot of effort into pleasing others. Being truly loved by people...
Once successful learning was very popular in our society, but when people find that no matter how many books they read about success, only a few people are truly successful, and everyone finds that successful people are not necessarily happy, not necessarily true Understand the meaning of life. Success Studies finally lost its market. After all, even Kai-Fu Lee needed to experience cancer in order to understand the true meaning of life.
We have to follow the standard of success, why should we pursue everything eagerly and create a life with a bright appearance... Because we are very scared and confused. We accept what social values ​​tell us; we are so busy that we don't even have time to think about what we really want.
Don't dare to be different, don't dare to be deviant, indulge in regrets and guilt for the past, cling to plans and expectations for the future, but forget what we really have.
Alice mentioned in her post-sick speech: I told myself, Live the moment, this is the only thing I can do.

Yes! The opinions of others don't matter, the values ​​of society don't matter, and everything we so desperately want to control will be lost. We only have the moment!
Live in the moment, you don't have to be afraid of losing, because you know everything is there; live in the moment, you don't have to want to control, because you know everything is waiting for you to create; live in the moment, you don't have to worry, because the content of worrying about the future is the future To get the answer; live in the moment, everything you have ever had is not important, because what matters is the person here and now.
Only by living in the present can disease be truly overcome.

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Extended Reading

Still Alice quotes

  • Dr. Alice Howland: [John has discovered Alice's missing phone in the kitchen freezer] ... Oh no! I was looking for that last night!

    Dr. John Howland: [whispers to Anna] That was a month ago.

  • Dr. John Howland: Why don't you wear a fanny pack, is it really THAT inhibiting?

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