"Now I know all the sadness, but I know that the weather is cool and autumn is good." When you really grow up and face heavy life topics, especially after death, all words can no longer be written and written, and you can only sigh with a cold and warm self-knowledge.
"Rabbit Hole" is a movie for people who have been hit by grief. "Grief" (grief) is a topic that people will encounter sooner or later. The English word "grief", however, refers specifically to a reaction to a loss that is experienced or near death. Psychology generally divides the process of experiencing grief into "denial-anger anger-bargain-bargain-desperation depression-accept", this film also reflects the couple's psychological feelings at different levels.
The film begins eight months after Becca and Howie's four-year-old son Danny was hit by high school student Jason's car after chasing a dog.
The beginning of the film sets the tone for the whole film. Becca carefully cultivates flowers in the garden. She allows herself to be completely occupied by her busy work. Her eyes are focused and somewhat empty. The camera stops on one of the flowers in particular, and Becca stares at this flower. It's not hard to imagine the symbolism here, the new life is beautiful and fragile like a flower. Soon after, Becca's neighbor opened the door to enter the garden and invited Becca to the party. Becca found a reason to refuse, and when the neighbor left, he stepped on the flower that Becca stared at, and repeatedly apologized to no avail. The symbolic meaning here seems to be richer, one refers to the accidental trampling of life and death, such as little Danny; the other is Becca's own heart, which seems to have always reserved a small corner for Danny, but is well-intentioned but does not know how to comfort it of people repeatedly intruding and sabotaging.
The film then shows the differences between Becca and Howie's handling of grief. Howie still keeps Danny's video, and is reluctant to give up the room decorations, car seats, etc. that leave traces of him; while Becca packs Danny's old clothes to give to her sister, and plans to sell the house and leave. Danny's existence lingers in their hearts, one shows reluctance, the other can't bear these traces. Howie sort of is still resisting (Denail) the fact that Danny has left, and that's also reflected in what he says to the inspectors later in the sale: he thinks Danny is still living in the room, just hiding somewhere. And Becca has stopped denying that danny is dead, but has not fully accepted it. She showed anger. When she was in the care group, she was angry with God and refused to accept that the child left because heaven lacked an angel. , but asks: Why didn't God create one for himself? When her mother persuaded her, she couldn't accept comparing Danny's death to others.
The difference between the two leads to a two-line development of the plot. Howie chooses to escape: a return to her former life (the couple's quarrel over sex, where becca is borderline unreasonable, allowing neither the presence of romance nor the idea of another child), marijuana, an equally wounded companion. Becca's reaction, which may have come as a surprise to most, met with Jason and talked about some of the details of the crash. However, this is also the most healing place. Escaping presumably just keeps one going to blame himself and others; and talking about tragedy itself has a sacred meaning here. Jason's confessions such as "If I drive slower" are exactly the bargain, a kind of annoyance, why the accident happened like that. He also bears the same torment and pain. This kind of torment is what Becca has experienced every day before. She has asked thousands of times in her heart why accidents cannot be avoided. She is indifferent to Howie even knowing that he smokes marijuana. Rather than empathy, it's a form of self-punishment, believing that one is no longer worthy of intimacy. The interaction with Jason healed Becca, not only in the face of tragedy and seeking forgiveness itself, but also in the shared hope and imagination of a parallel universe.
Compared with God talking, science seems to be more reassuring to Becca. In fact, this theory is already a kind of feeling similar to religion. However, compared with religion, it is more gentle, and there is no pressure on interpersonal communication. When Becca understands it, she can have a talk with her mother and know how to better take this thought and continue on the road.
At the end of the film, nothing seems to have changed much. Howie struggled and despaired, but he came back; Becca was willing to have a picnic, and he was willing to appease him, and it ended with Becca holding Howie again. It seems that men come out of this tragedy faster, but in fact, the road that women have to walk is more difficult, and once they walk out, their strength will be greater. If Howie couldn't resist the temptation to escape from his family, he would only choose to anesthetize himself; Becca had actually thought of this possibility and gave Howie the right to choose. But Becca has the ability to look forward to the wind and rain, avoid damage (remind Howie not to stay in it when buying a house), find the support of the soul and live on the ground.
Everyone, sooner or later, will face the grief of losing a loved one, at that time, there are no textbooks to tell us how to spend it, no friends can fully understand, most of them are like a becca girlfriend who never appeared in the film, Because I don't know how to comfort me, I choose to ignore it; it may also be like what Becca's mother encountered, a presence that seems to be with us but can't be bothered; maybe you and your partner can no longer be the same as before, maybe they will be separated, or they may work hard to mend the broken Relationships; maybe you joined some care groups in vain, maybe you found sustenance, maybe not. But you will always carry this experience forward, and one day it will be less heavy, allowing you to breathe, and eventually you will be at peace with it.
I don't want to speak with stereotypes, but specifically want to mention our culture's attitude towards grief. I don't know if it's an optimistic view of life or an indifference. We often console ourselves with the theory of reincarnation, and in this case, for example, I can think of the Chinese blessing that becca received: the child will come back. Get another one while you're young. This child may be here to repay/collect debts. Sometimes it is extremely realistic: is there a lot of compensation for compulsory insurance? Don't spare that high school student so easily... We may be able to make a "becca lawsuit", there may be cheers that social justice is finally achieved, but we can't make that kind of deep empathy. We chose to hurry up and bury the pain and return to the majority of people. If we can't return, we are Xianglin's Wife who cannot be accepted by any ethnic group.
View more about Rabbit Hole reviews
