I haven't been able to write for a long time. I have searched all the knowledge I am good at and can share with others, but I still can't find it. to a good point of focus. Watching the movie, when I realized that I had already burst into tears, I saw a scene that was old enough to be criticized: the audience in the audience responded with thunderous applause, and the experienced pianist David trembled and covered it. Mouth, choked for a long time, tears rolling down uncontrollably. Most people who have survived death in their lives will cry at that point. Because you know the process, it is like the vast land mixed with densely smashed ice crystals is bathed in the warm sun of the beginning of the spring. The long and severe winter is about to end, and the ice crystals will melt into water droplets, moisturizing the land that has been dry for a long time.
The original family environment where David grew up is indescribable. You can't say that his parents treated him badly because they raised him, but they did not treat him well. To be more precise, that is Parents do not let the children in this family feel a sense of home. There is too little emotional flow between family members in the family, no love, no closeness, no concern, and no human taste. For example, it feels like you are listening to a concert that lasts for decades, and you see everyone in the orchestra playing hard, but you can't hear the slightest sound like you are in a vacuum. Not to mention being touched by the expected beautiful melody. You stand up and raise an objection. At this time, all the performers and the audience are looking at you blankly, and you will start to wonder, what the hell is going on, is it my fault or they? This kind of silent experience has lasted for a long time, and you are gradually getting used to it. At this time, will you choose to remain silent or continue to raise objections? In a world where young David chose to remain silent, everyone and everything in this Jewish family stayed on the surface level of relationships. Life was full of mechanical and indifferent care, and there was no emotional communication. Between parents and David, each other plays the role of family because of their blood relationship, and each other uses the right of the role of family for each other's desires. The original relationship stops here, and it is impossible to get closer to each other's spiritual world. From the perspective of the sense of home in the original family, parents need to understand that the "ability to love" of the mother's role will have a huge impact on children's early growth, because this will be the emotional development of children. The key initiation stage in the stages. If in the parent-child relationship before the child is three years old, the mother's attitude is indifferent, rejecting, rejecting the child, or even neurotic, then the child will be traumatized on the level of emotional development, resulting in the child's future development. It is difficult to establish a good intimate relationship in society, such as marriage and love relationships, and even the child's personality development will be affected, resulting in the inability to carry out normal social activities, and symptoms such as eccentricity and incompatibility. When our David was in college, he was led by a group of friends and friends, blindly catering to the needs of his "friends": he was dragged by his "friends" to the bar on the night of the scholarship, and after a night of hangover, David, who woke up alone in Plaza Park the next day, didn't seem to understand exactly what he had done last night. I boldly assume that David, who is out of line with the mainstream lifestyle, caters to the needs of "friends" to obtain a social symbol such as having "friends" himself, in order to maintain his social identity feel. This is not the first time I have seen such a compensation model. In the family of origin, David also caters to his father's needs to gain his father's attention to him.
"When I was little, I spent all my savings on a violin, what a beautiful violin." "David, do you know what happened?" "Father, I know, it was smashed. "Yes. It was smashed right in front of my eyes the next day. David, you're a lucky boy." "Father, I'm a lucky boy." "So what?" "So we To win, father." This classic dialogue is subtly repeated three times at different times, until the last time, when David was approaching thirty years old, the "young" David, living in the shadow of his father, did not Dare turned his back to his father tremblingly and replied: "Father, I... I don't know what happened later." And the father who heard the phrase "rejection" was stunned and left in annoyance. The last scene only left him a background of staggering away.
You might think I'm going to exaggerate how great and meaningful this "rejection" was in David's life, and I just want to say sadly that David didn't speak to his father's brutal personal will until he was thirty. Having said the words "rejection" and living out what he truly is, the price of such a life is too great. Life is not a movie, you can't laugh it off after it's finished, so the corners of my mouth are full of bitterness. Whenever David's father told David that he was obstructed by his family when he was a child and lost the opportunity to study music, or his father hugged David who was obstructed by him and lost the opportunity to study abroad and said, "You have to believe me, I love you more than anyone in the world." I get goosebumps all over. This is not an exaggerated rhetoric, but a real viewing experience. In a failed parent-child relationship, there is a kind of parent who sees their children as an extension of their own narcissism, so their will becomes the child's will, their character becomes the child's character, and their shortcomings become the sustenance on which A child's dream. In this parent-child relationship, the child is not a living new being, but a tool used by its parents to maintain their "high" levels of narcissism. The technical terminology here may be a little confusing, and I have reduced the words to the context of life, which may be somewhat inaccurate, that is, the child's social achievements help parents compensate for their own inferiority and high self-esteem needs (such Parents actually have a low level of narcissism development) to maintain inner fulfillment and social identity, to ensure inner fulfillment, and they will satisfy themselves by shaping this child's development.
At this time, some impatient parents will want to ask, what will the children raised in this way become? We can see from the growth path of David in the movie that when David first appeared, he was so polished by his father's high will that he would no longer make his own voice to his father. Since he was a child, his emotional depression and pandering to solidification made him bow his head and silently follow behind his father, who was blue-faced and strode forward, after failing in the first game. David hurriedly jumped once in the fast rhythm of , and then quickly followed in the footsteps of his father in front of him. Everyone can feel from this relationship model that there is no emotional exchange, no collision of ideas, and only obedience and control exist. In such a life mode, children will gradually lose the ability to make a sound (that is, the ability to express smoothly), lose the ability to be creative, and everything is living step by step according to the line arranged by others. And this kind of life is undoubtedly lack of fun, so whenever the conditions for step by step are lost, such a child will feel a huge sense of meaninglessness in life and loss of personal existence. This inner feeling will cause him very painful. Emotional reactions lead to strong internal conflicts, which in turn lead him to seek channels to solve problems. Then, in a modern society, addiction to online games, sex addiction, drug addiction, alcohol addiction... will be common among teenagers, although in fact not only teenagers, but most adults as well. If this kind of original relationship cannot be well repaired and the internal conflict cannot be well resolved, then this will be an endless cycle of life, through conflict → pain → seeking compensation and release → alleviation → conflict → pain... The cycle goes on until one day another new, persistent stimulus changes this weakened and decaying mental model.
This is a soul homework that cannot be passed with high IQ, and it is also the soul goal of our group of adults who lived in the "abolished generation" in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s - to repair their own personality defects and develop their own mental level. , and it is the soul responsibility of parents among the "abolished generation" group - to let the child, the oak seed, grow up freely and with a sense of space.
View more about Shine reviews
