This movie took the first few minutes and then shelved it. I continued watching it in the afternoon, and then went out the door. It was fragmentary and incomplete until I finished it just now.
In between I smoked three cigarettes, drank a glass of wine, and ate a meal.
But it doesn't affect me thinking it's good, she makes me feel that she is all of us, all those who have a heart in our hearts: we are the one she is, the one who is suffering and crying alone.
Her mother died of illness, and she fell into endless pain. In fact, the pain caused by her mother's death was just an opportunity. All the wounds in her life before that were piled up in a certain corner of her heart, like a handful of The fire ignited all the gunpowder, and then she began to give up and sink.
Is she happy under various men?
No, she's not happy, she just needs this seemingly empty loneliness to fill that black hole, that bottomless black hole.
She has a husband who loves him, but he is NICE, but she still feels lonely. She has to keep filling it up and filling it up again; she also has a best friend Amy who is by her side. When she learned that she was pregnant, she fiercely let her Pregnancy test, then sit next to her.
She is luckier than me.
Although I was with me at those times, she obviously didn't love me that much. Yes, after so many years, I finally understood that she couldn't care more about me than I did, and I always loved others more than myself. And I thought everyone would be like me.
My mother was a child, and she still lives for herself. She was the first person to traumatize me. When I was a child, I only knew that she didn't love me, she only loved herself, I would be nervous and ignorant in front of her, and I didn't know how to communicate with her, for fear of accidentally touching her minefield and making her unhappy. Don't speak, I'm afraid of that situation.
When I became an adult, I understood and accepted her like that, but she gave me a bottomless black hole in my psyche that could not be healed till now.
In the winter of 2009, my body and mind were devastated, and I let myself sink into the hole of the night, sinking and sinking again and again, unable to distinguish between day and night, drugs made me unable to sleep, so I just kept my eyes open and it was getting dark. White, white and black.
In the winter of 2011, after being completely separated from Y and drinking a lot of alcohol, I was cheated one after another. I still remember that New Year's Eve, I cleaned for six hours, knelt on the ground to wipe the floor, and wiped the house in the slum spotless , and made myself a nap dinner.
In June of 2012, I lost the most important relative in my life. Since then, I can only hope to see her in my dreams.
Now that I have a him, you ask me if he loves me? I don't know, all I know is that he also made me feel unbearable and even wanted to hurt myself. After all, I struggled and didn't let go.
In my virtual life we got married and had a boy and girl. Sometimes when I look at my daughter in a panda costume, I can watch it for a long time.
Even if it is virtual, because it is our child, there is a lot more softness in the heart.
So small, the heart will be soft as if to melt.
It was drizzling when I went out during the film break. I was walking in the rain, and I kept walking. I suddenly wanted to just walk and keep walking.
Like her, like many people, walking on the road, walking.
I don't know if he's the right person, or how we'll end up.
But if you're not happy, go hiking.
2015.02.22 night
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