Yesterday, the company announced the structure adjustment, because the mail was classified, so I didn't see it for the first time. When my colleagues sitting next to me were talking about this 3.0, I didn't even realize it. So that after the leader appeased them, he asked me in a different way: Why are you so calm? I'm still wondering, what's not to be calm about? But the performance is just a small smile.
When I went back to check things at night, I accidentally saw this email, so I glanced at it, because I didn't understand it, or I didn't want to understand what these concepts meant. I just saw that I didn't change anything and that was fine. I just keep doing what I did before.
This morning, a crush who was in our department a long time ago shouted that she wanted to go back to our department, and she was very excited and happy. Infected by her emotions, she told a friend. Only then I still let her high emotions and extreme words break my peace.
At this time, my mind was mixed. Anger: because of the violence of the text; shame: because of the friend's questioning about him; loss: because of her incomprehension. Fortunately, we communicated through text, so I suppressed all kinds of emotions and simply faced it. Maybe I didn’t see anger, but I just felt more self-sacrificing. This conversation ended like this.
After the conversation ended, the psychological emotions did not calm down. I still felt angry, ashamed, and lost. I began to question whether I was really useless. Maybe I should be concerned about the things that are beyond my power. At this time, seeing his evaluation of Rurouni Kenshin after reading it, he suddenly became calm and relieved.
I've never watched the animated version of Rurouni Kenshin, but the real one first. I like Kenshin, and I insist on my beliefs. Although there are sufferings, difficulties, wavering, doubts, and ridicule from others, I am still firm. I prefer Xun because of my understanding of Kenshin and a more persistent belief than Kenshin. One confidant in life is enough!
Kenshin has killed countless people, and he has been shaken: because he sees those who are saddened by the loss of their loved ones, he is also doubting whether he is doing the right thing. But he firmly believes that after this catastrophe, people will live a peaceful and happy life. So he persevered, even though the process was painful for him.
When the time of peace came, he vowed not to kill again. This is not easy for a murderous swordsman. He also said: Once you kill people, it is easy to let yourself fall into hatred. So he doesn't want to intervene any more, and the peaceful time he expects has come, what reason is there to open the killing ring?
He was working hard for what he said, and his identity as a swordsman would not change, so everyone laughed at him, saying that he was hypocritical, naive, and self-deceiving. It can be seen that this road is still full of thorns.
It's not that he didn't know the hardships ahead, and he was prepared for it. It's just that there are hurdles that people can't overcome. When Basei threatened him with Xun's life, he was shaken, it was not worth it to kill Xun because of such a person, so he did not hesitate to open the killing ring. When he started fighting with the aim of killing him, the heartache, helplessness, and despair were rolling in his heart. In the end, Xun called to stop to save him, and he was relieved by not opening the killing ring, but the suicide of the guard still made him a little sad.
Conjecture:
If Xun didn't break free and died at that time, Jianxin's killing of Blade Guard is the beginning of hell, and suicide cannot be ruled out, because of the incomparable despair. The smoke is gone, and the faith is also broken.
If he breaks his precept and saves Xun, although Xun is fine, he will have to find the faith and courage to live in the next days.
At this time, I suddenly felt a little clear: do your best and obey the destiny. If it were me, I would use my own life to stick to my beliefs, others'... I still don't have a clue, let's do my best first.
After talking nonsense, it is completely calm now. The journey of faith has just started, and there is still a long way to go. Come on~!
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