My love, my forever love.
I have imagined our reunion a million times and rehearsed a million times. But when we met, I knew my body and my expression were all stiff. Your hair is cut short, but you are still beautiful. How much I want to hug you tightly and never part again. How much I want to tell you, in fact, I have a bad life, very bad. Since you left, I was brushing my teeth one morning, and my tooth cup fell to the ground, and your little hairpin fell out, and I realized that you will never come back, and I have lost you forever. I was like a helpless child, kneeling on the ground and crying.
I finally know how much I love you, even if I drive you away, I can't drive you away from my heart.
Ada, I am sorry, so sorry. Maybe only God knows my sincerity. I didn't pursue you to lure you into bed and dump you. Because of you, I try to change myself. First time sharing a bed with a woman, first time taking a woman to my kitchen, first time taking a woman to see my mother. Ada, I really love you, but maybe like mom said, I was born with a closed book, and I don't want other people to break into my life or into other people's lives. I'm afraid of being alone, but when I'm alone, I want to run away.
When sending my mother away, she said that you are the best gift God has given me, but what if God takes it back one day? I'd rather have loveless sex with those women, grab their hair, and release my hormones. At least I'm safe and I don't have to be afraid that I'll lose someone someday. You're right, I'm surrounded by ice and snow, and I'm about to freeze to death. It's good to sleep forever, but I'll die without knowing it.
Ada, you never know where your little bobby pin is, it's always in my pocket. You'll never know how to make the most delicious carrot cinnamon cake in the world so I won't be forgotten by you?
Ada, I love you so much.
Loving yours,
Alper
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