meaningless but meaningful

[last lines]

Joseph: Dear Hannah. It's taken me a while to put this together. I'm not so great at writing letters, but i wanted to get in touch with you, to see how you were. It's been over a year since i last wrote to you.Life's been mad for me in the past twelve months. I've been awful sick for a number of reasons. My little buddy Sam got attacked by that dog. That fucking scumbag cunt of a fella who was seeing to his mother got the doggy wound-up so much that it just turned on the nearest thing and attacked. It happened to be my buddy's face. The fucking thing nearly got chewed off. It made me upset. I could see it coming. The way he was treating that dog. An animal can only take so much punishment and humiliation before it snaps. Fights back. That's its nature, you know? I felt responsible for the boy. I should of stepped in earlier. The whole event sent me a bit ga-ga. My head just went. That's the second doggy i've killed. I'm not proud because i love dogs but it had to be done to even things up in my mind a bit. I think i went native. That's what my cellmate told me, i went native. I thought that sounded about right somehow. I'm not proud of any of it. But it had to be done. So i did a bit of time for it. I got a load of letters from people who said well done! Good on 'ye! I'd of done the same thing! But nobody ever does. They all think it, but i do it . That's the difference between me and you and the rest of the world. When i got out i thought i'd make a new start, so i moved to a different area. I don't do the drink like i used to. i decided enough was enough. I prayed for you the other day. It's not something i do, but i found i was talking to myself and saying a prayer. I don't even believe in all that shite, as you well know. There's things i want you to know. I know you asked me once about why i went in the shop but i never told you.I didn't go in there looking for God. I just went there because apart from Sam, you were the only fucker that smiled at me around here. And i wanted it. I wanted it to soak into me and brighten me up. I thought you were beautiful. I just wanted to look at you. That's all. Didn't want to know you, because i knew that if i got to know you, you'd have your own shite, you wouldn't be perfect and i didn't want that feeling ruined. I'm signing off now. My address is on this letter so you can write to me if you feel like it. No pressure. Just give me a sign to tell me you are well. Your friend. Joseph.