movie "Fireman" tells the story of a husband who used 40 days of "challenges of love" to awaken his understanding of love and his wife's cherishing of love. story. The turning point of the story happened when the father of the hero of the story gave the hero a 40-day "challenge of love" and asked him to complete his homework every day.
The first day of the 40-day "Love Challenge" is:
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry There is no doubt that the tasks of the first day of
"Love's Challenge" and the concerns of conversation analysis theory align with each other.
What is the communication view in conversation analysis theory?
Conversation analysis sees communication as a means of structuring behavior. It uses "field recordings of conversations, other forms of discourse, and behavior during interactions as research data, and a description of those mechanism-building systems that enable human behavior." "For relational communication, it is not so much social Structural and personal differences are seen as independent variables with disjointed outcomes, rather than communicators shaping, constructing, or making 'relationships' through their communicative behavior."
The reason why The Love Challenge puts "no negative words" as the first task to be accomplished is based on this focus of conversation theory: what we say will have an impact on our relationships. The words we use often reflect our inner state, which is deceived by rigid words and has an impact on the interpersonal relationship between the two parties in the interaction. Therefore, as the first day of "The Challenge of Love" said: If you get angry, it is better not to say anything; it is better to say nothing than to say something that hurts others and makes you regret it.
What are the three main features of conversation analysis theory?
1. Talk is action.
Conversation is the means that communicators use to do things, and this is the most important aspect of conversation. We tend to think that when someone is saying something, they are not just describing, or primarily describing, not primarily conveying information or giving meaning, but they are doing something. The understanding of a sentence will be reflected in how it is responded to.
Such as A1-A6 (see appendix after the text): When Caleb asks Catherine: "You have breakfast already?", even non-native English speakers can find that this question is not a normal grammatical structure; its biggest feature is that it stands out already (put already at the end). In this regard, Catherine's answer is very simple, as simple as only answer: "Yes".
Conversation analysis theory supports the idea that what and how we talk shape our relationships. Then when we reverse this proposition, when we find that the content and method of the conversation are not in line with the current relationship between the two sides of the conversation, then we can draw the conclusion that the relationship between the two sides of the conversation has changed.
For example, if a passer-by on the street asks you, "Excuse me, do you have a watch?", and you answer "I have" and walk away. In my opinion, Catherine's answer is the same as my more absurd example. In this example, this way of answering reveals two possible pieces of information: one is that you don't understand that what the passerby actually wants to know is whether you can tell him the time, not whether he actually has a watch; You actually understand the other person's intention, but you refuse to tell the other person the time.
Conversation analysis theory holds that: a practical act of engaging in a behavior that suggests that a request could be expressed in some other way than this explicit way of making it. Caleb here apparently expresses the hope that Catherine can prepare him something to eat after his hard day's work, or wish to have dinner with him with Catherine, but Catherine should obviously refuse, and It's not that Caleb's cravings are not understood.
In the film, Catherine and Caleb are married. Either Catherine can't understand Caleb's intention to ask the question, or she refuses to talk to Caleb any more about it. In either case, in the relationship between husband and wife, it is a problematic mode of transmission.
2. Conversation is structured.
The structure of the conversation allows both parties to do, among other things, the ability to: adjust the language of the conversation so that they take turns, rather than speaking at the same time; coordinate their behavior with others to construct a patterned sequence of behavior.
Take an example from the movie, such as B22-27: When Catherine asks Caleb: "What are you doing?", Caleb's answer is: "I see you left me no pizza.". In my opinion, this is yet another strange way of talking. Under the theory of interpersonal communication conversation, there is a term called "adjacency pair", such as a basic conversation in which A asks: "Guess what happened?" B replies: "What is it?" A pattern is an adjacent pair. Neighboring couples should be very common in daily conversations in life, especially in a relationship like husband and wife. In a romantic relationship between two people who maintain a lasting connection, neighboring couples should account for a very large proportion of daily communication. A lot of communication content in life, the significance of its form is greater than the importance of the content.
But in the example B22-23 in the film, when Catherine asks, "What are you doing?" Caleb replies, "I see that you didn't leave me a pizza." I think normal couples, or in a relationship Humans, would simply answer: "I'm doing..." because this fits the conceptual assumption of adjacent pairs. The strange thing is that in this answer that should have been answered in the language of "I", Caleb actually answered in the language of "you", but put "I found" in the front, so that his answer and the question are related. linked. Such "you" language carries a clear reproachful tone.
However, this breaking of the conversation structure that should include more adjacent pairs is always in an abnormal stage, after B24, Catherine's reproach to B23, Caleb should be explained or expressed, but she did not. Her answer was: "I just lit this candle, and I like the smell." It can be said that the conversation between the two people never returned to the normal track. They said their own words without caring about what the other party said. Needless to say, the other party's intention behind what he said. "The violation of these orderly practices helps to identify various interpersonal behaviors."
3. The conversation is organized according to the specific situation.
Communication behavior is organized according to specific situations. Conversation analysis theory uses the concept of "context" for analysis. Context does not shape and limit communication, on the contrary; in addition to shaping and limiting interacting behavior, context is also "created" and "implemented" by the behavior of the interactors. Therefore, the third characteristic of discourse analysis theory is that it emphasizes that interaction is both shaped by context and updated on context.
For example, in B35-36, Catherine and Caleb had a very interesting and in-depth interaction. In this round of conversation, the two sides received the influence of the previous interaction and created a more "positive" context, where "positive" refers to the intensity of the quarrel. Through the parallel sentences used by the two, we can find that the emotions of both parties have reached the highest point. The rhetorical method used to enhance the language of the parallel sentence has the same effect as praying here. This positive interaction affects the context and updates the context, making the subsequent conversation (quarrel) into a more intense one. stage.
For example, in this round of B37-38, it was precisely because of the previous intense interaction that the context was updated, which made the two of them tear their faces and dared to enter some restricted areas during the conversation. In this round of B37-38, the two sides began to transfer their contradictions to the issue of "sex" and blamed each other.
And reached the boiling point of the quarrel in the round of B39-40. The impetus of this situation is particularly clear in this quarrel.
At the same time, in this dialogue, it is particularly obvious that the couples in the quarrel have some characteristics of attribution, and they attribute the bad things of the other party to internal stable and comprehensive controllable reasons; The good things about the other side are attributed to the external, stable and general uncontrollable causes of the other side. The attribution characteristics of the irrational two parties in the conversation also contributed to the elevation of this emotion.
Contrast failed conversations with successful conversations?
At the end of the film, we finally see a successful spread (conversation). Catherine was in bed, Caleb was sitting on the head of the bed, and the two had their only peaceful conversation. We can see the difference between a failed conversation and a successful conversation in the following ways:
1) For talk analysis, communication consists of activities constructed by the communicator based on talk behavior and physical behavior. That is to say, the content of the conversation has a constructive effect on the quality of the conversation, and the physical behavior during the conversation also has a constructive effect on the content of the conversation. The role of non-verbal communication is often no less than that of verbal communication. In the dialogue of D64-94 in the film: we can see that Caleb releases more friendly symbols from his physical behavior: for example, he offered to buy medicine for Catherine; People danced and pointed at each other, and Caleb even supported the wall with both hands, forcing Catherine to stop verbally resisting in a coercive gesture. In fact, Caleb's physical behavior is always oppressive, and this physical behavior makes it impossible for the conversation to be carried on in a calm state. However, in the last D dialogue, what we see is Caleb sitting on the edge of the bed, at least at the beginning, the two are in an equal low position, talking calmly (represented by a very slow speech rate), and finally Caleb even kneels down to low Conversation in Catherine's pose. At this time, Caleb has expressed his remorse for this love in his body language, and has released a positive signal in non-verbal communication.
2) At the beginning of the film, Caleb always emphasizes Catherine's lack of respect for himself, whether he is treating Catherine, his parents, and his good friend Michael. Caleb is a big hero outside, and when he gets home, he thinks his wife deserves to be held in his hand as a hero, and this machismo is one of the reasons for the problems in this marriage. Caleb realizes that love is a selfless giving, and after giving without expecting anything in return, her machismo disappeared. In the final conversation, Caleb took the initiative to tell Catherine not to go to work, but to stay in bed and take the trouble to I asked Catherine if she was not feeling well, so she took the initiative to buy medicine for Catherine. In the subsequent conversation, Caleb expressed more respect D75, more understanding 91, more humor D87 and more frankness D89. At this time, the relationship between husband and wife was constructed by these kinds of body language and conversation content.
Summarize:
Conversation analysis theory of interpersonal communication argues that interactors are responsible for maintaining specific identities by engaging in behaviors that are considered to be in line with the identity requirements of the relationship category, and by acknowledging the appropriate behaviors performed by the interacting objects. That is, there are various practices in which interactors fulfill their responsibilities in their particular relationship. These practices all show how the state of being "in a relationship" (such as a husband and wife relationship) is established through interaction.
To evoke these kinds of identities and relationships, the communicator must actively take practical steps of interaction—what we say and what we do, as on the first day of the Love Challenge.
Addendum:
A
1. Caleb: You have breakfast already?
2. Catherine: Yes.
3. Caleb: What'd you eat?
4. Catherine: I had the last bagel and a yogurt.
5. Caleb: Are you planning on making a grocery trip soon?
6. Catherine: Caleb, you work 2 4 hours and then you're off for 48. You've got more time to go than l do.
7. Caleb: l asked a simple question.
8. Catherine : You don't need to get smart with me.
9. Caleb: At least save me some breakfast.
10. Catherine: I never know when you're coming or going. You don't tell me.
11. Caleb: Catherine, what is your problem? Did l offend you by walking in the door?
12. Catherine: You can' t expect me to work every day and get the groceries...while you look at trash on the internet dreaming about your boat.
13. Caleb: You chose to take this job.-No one said you had to work full -time.-We need the income.
14. Catherine: Especially since you tuck away a third of your salary...saving for a boat we don't need. You've got $2 4,000 in savings when things in our house need fixing.
15. Caleb: Like what?
16. Catherine: The back door needs to be painted, the yard needs landscaping. And I wanna put more shelves in the closet.
17. Caleb: Those are called preferences. Those are not needs.
18. Catherine: There's a difference. If you wanna spend your money on that stuff, fine.
19. Caleb: I've been saving for my boat for years. You 're not taking that from me.
20. Catherine: This is so pointless. I don't have time for this.
21. Caleb: Yeah, shut the door on your way out.
B
22. Catherine: What are you doing?
23. Caleb: l see you left me no pizza.
24. Catherine: I just lit that candle. I like the way it smells.
25. Caleb: Well, l don't. Did you leave me any dinner at all?
26 . Catherine: I assumed you were eating with Michael.
27. Caleb: Does it not occur to you...that two people in this house both need to eat?
28. Catherine: You know what? If you would communicate with me...maybe l could have something for you.
29. Caleb: Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
30. Catherine: Oh, I' m making everything difficult? I'm carrying the weight around here while you're off doing your own thing.
31. Caleb: Excuse me? I'm working to pay this mortgage, and l pay for both of the cars.
32. Yeah, and that's all you do.
33. Catherine: I pay all of our bills with my salary.
34. Caleb: Which you agreed to do. That's fair. Do you not like this house? Do you not like your car?
35. Catherine: Caleb, who takes care of this house? Me. Who washes all the clothes? Me. Who gets all the groceries? Me. Not to mention l'm helping my parents every weekend. I've got all this pressure on me. The only thing you do for anybody is for yourself.
36. Caleb: Let me tell you, you don't know the first thing about pressure. All right? You think I put out house fires for myself? Or rush to car wrecks at 2 am for myself? Or pull a child's body out of a lake for myself? You have no idea what l go through.
37. Catherine: Yeah, but what do you do around here other than watch TV.... ..and waste time on the Internet? If looking at that trash is how you get fulfilled, that's fine. But l will not compete with it.
38. Caleb: Well, l sure don't get it from you. And you won 't.
39. Catherine: Because you care more about saving for your stupid boat...and pleasing yourself than you ever did about me.
40. Caleb: Shut up! l'm sick of you! You disrespectful, ungrateful, selfish woman!-
41. Catherine: I'm not selfish.-How dare you say that?
42. Caleb: You constantly nag me and you drain the life out of me! I'm tired of it! If you can't give me the respect l deserve--Look at me!--then what's the point of this marriage? Catherine: I want out. I just want out.
43. Caleb: If you want out, that's fine with me!
C
44. Caleb: Catherine, are you okay?
45. Catherine: I'm fine.
46. Caleb: Aren't you going to work?
47. Catherine: No.
48. Caleb: Are you sick?
49. Catherine: I 'll be fine.
50. Caleb: Is it your allergies?
51. Catherine: I said I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.
52. Caleb: Because if you need something, I can go to the store.
53. Catherine: No, I'm okay. You can go.
54. Caleb: Okay.
55. Caleb: Can you sit up for me? You got a fever. Here. You think you can take this?
56. Catherine: Why are you doing this?
57. Caleb: I have learned you never leave your partner. Especially in a fire.
58. Catherine: Caleb, what's happened to you?
59. Caleb: Dad asked me if there was anything in me...that wanted to save our marriage. And then he gave me something. I could let you read it.
60. Catherine: Was it this?
61. Caleb: How long have you known?
62. Catherine: I found it yesterday. So, what day are you on?
63. Caleb: Forty-three.
64. Catherine: There's only 40.
65. Caleb: Who says I have to stop?
66. Catherine: Caleb...I don't know how to process this. This is not normal for you.
67. Caleb: Welcome to the new normal.
68. Catherine: You didn't wanna do this at first, did you?
69. Caleb: No. But halfway through, l realized...that l did not understand what love was. And once I understood that, I wanted to do it.
70. Catherine: Caleb, I want to believe that this is real. But I am not ready to say that I trust you again.
71. Caleb: I understand that. But whether you ever reach that point or not..... .I need you to understand something. I am sorry. I have been so selfish. For the past seven years, I have trampled on you...with my words and with my actions. I have loved other things when I should have loved you. In the last few weeks...God has given me a love for you that I had never had before. And I have asked him to forgive me. And I am hoping, I am praying.. ....that somehow you would be able to forgive me too.
72. Catherine, I do not want to live the rest of my life without you.
73. Catherine: I'm supposed to give those divorce papers...to my lawyer next week. I just....I need some time.....to think.
74. Caleb: You can have all the time you need.
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