my college mates and i are working so hard on the data - precondition, filter, calculate, accuracy test, recondition, recalculate, retest... and who the fuck cares? nobody even we ourselves don't give a shit where we go. it's not prediction, it's all guess. it's fucking useless drudge.
my life sucks. i've been sick from the beginning of this year and tried to be happy and went to see various doctors and could not concentrate on my school works and threw myself into tennis games and took a trip to hk and everything. and it ended up like, i'd have to have a surgery next month or some time. i can't complain this is too much for me, because it's my own life and no matter how fucked up it is i'll have to face it and live it.
and i cannot kill people, cannot fight or punch some bitch on her face, cannot tell my snobbish teachers to die, cannot tell the one i love that the one she loves is not worthy. i came a long way from adolescence though it was not tough. but i entered into middle-aged crisis directly which it was not supposed to be so. this story should've be told the other way round.
and i got this feeling - just as Dave did - you don't have the power to change your life, or to change anything.
i've fought a lot, but i lost every battle i was in.
such a loser.
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