(Escape~Escape~Escape~Echo effect O(∩_∩)O~)
When I said this, I was actually very guilty. I was uneasy, not knowing whether I was talking about others or myself. Whenever I think about this issue quietly, a panic surges up in my heart, which makes me restless and makes me unable to face - I don't know if it's the world or myself. Only after escaping from this state can I feel that I can still breathe a little. Now, as I write these words, I inevitably get back into that state of confusion, only to stop and rub my hands every now and then to calm me down a little.
I don't know when, I have tried to escape from my heart, or in other words, to protect myself, I unknowingly established a psychological mechanism. Suffice it to say, I may have never revealed my true heart to anyone, not even the closest ones. I always disguised myself as what they liked or accepted, and when I sensed their dissatisfaction or dislike, even a little bit, I would hide mine like an electric shock. Don't let it show in the slightest. So, most people probably think I'm a good person in the traditional sense. Over time, I seem to be addicted to disguise, and even, I am afraid that others will see through my disguise. It looks like I'm being positive, but in fact I often spend the night wishing for my own death. I don't know the reason for living, but I can't bear to think about what consequences my death will bring to the people around me. So, I yearn for a death that doesn't seem to be my voluntary choice, but a situation caused by natural and man-made disasters. Although some people may still be sad, but this may be the best of both worlds? I secretly hope that 2012 is real, even though it is unfair to most people; I also secretly hope that I can sleep and never wake up or that all the people related to me will forget me in their memory for a moment , so that maybe I can go to death without worry?
Don't think I'm so hopeful because I've suffered a major emotional trauma or a major life hit. In fact, my life is ordinary, it is really ordinary, maybe in the eyes of others, my daily life is even happy, and there should not be so many random thoughts. Sometimes, I also wonder if I'm moaning and forcibly saying my worries, but, like this time, I don't know why, when there is a mass of things rampaging, I'm confused~ Even I'm thinking, Could it be that my sincerity has been suppressed for too long, and I want to come out and breathe? Such thoughts caused me a deeper sense of unease and apprehension. I don't know how I can continue all my life without pretending, I can't imagine it, and I don't have the courage to do so.
O(∩_∩)O haha~ I feel better when I write this.
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