For a long time, I couldn't go out, and I hid at home every day; sometimes when I went out with great difficulty, I would suddenly run into a dark corner and hide for a long time before I could come out.
Sad, that is, can not even see the sun.
I went to see a psychiatrist, but with a stranger, I couldn't speak at all. Even with friends, I can't speak.
Later, I read books frantically, forced myself to read various psychology books, forced myself to try to jump out of my body and become another person to see myself, analyze myself, and comfort myself.
So, I know very well, very well, what kind of hole the heroine Becca has encountered.
When their husband and wife went to a psychological support group, another Korean couple, they insisted on coming to this group for eight years. Is eight years really that long? Is this really necessary, once a week for eight years?
Parents who have lost a child believe that their untimely child must have gone to God and become an angel. Becca said coldly, he is God, why didn't he make an angel himself?
For eight years, is that Korean couple really trying to heal themselves? I'm actually skeptical. People are sometimes very strange, and sometimes people’s mentality when they want to help others is very strange, perhaps with a trace of curiosity, a trace of gossip, and a trace of comparison with oneself before.
Becca's mother shared with her the loss of her son, Becca said, your son is 30 years old and he's on drugs. Becca's mother said he was still my son though.
Of course 30 years old and 4 years old can't be compared. Becca couldn't understand her mother, just as she couldn't really understand Becca.
But they eventually found a way to heal each other. Becca's mother mentioned that a neighbor of the year came to their house every day, with a look of helping her and comforting her, and finally her mother drove her away.
You can't deny it. Sometimes, the way of giving kindness is really strange. Sometimes people feel even more strange about being kind.
Becca finally found her own way to heal herself. She found the young man responsible for the accident, Jason.
They exchange feelings about events, feelings about life.
Jason showed her his comics, Jason lost his father, so he fantasized in the story that he went to another space to find his father.
In countless parallel universes, there are countless myself, fathers, and mothers. They lived their own lives separately, and their misfortunes never happened to them.
When I was a child, I read the mirror universe in the book, that there is me in this world, and there is another same self in that world, called anti-me. When me and the anti-me meet, don't touch, because we just need to touch lightly, and we will be instantly annihilated.
So, when I was young, I fantasized countless times about what to say to her if I ever met myself. Or will we all decide to die together?
Over the years, I have met many friends. Every time I heard that they were in trouble, I couldn't help but feel sad with them. Of course, I will also tell them that now is the worst time. But, in fact, for a person at rock bottom, all comfort is almost in vain.
Rather, when we are sad, we think about the other selves in the parallel universe.
The happiness/sadness index in the universe must be a constant value. When we are happy, someone is sad; when we are sad, why not try to be happy for others?
If I can choose, I really would rather be sad in exchange for the happiness of more people. After all, the self is the smallest in this world; if we can make ourselves small, maybe our hearts can be really strong.
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