1.
"Hello little mouse." Elias was blocked by a group of boys on the school path, unable to move an inch.
"Your bike tires are flat again?" "Go home and steal some cheese!" "Hahahaha!"
"I just think about the fountain over there." Elias lowered his head, but couldn't hold back the expression on his face. fear.
"Go under my crotch!" "Ugly!"
This is what Elias experiences every day. Yet he responded in silence, struggling to end each day.
Elias' silence made those attacks seem natural. He has no roommate. Before class, he just sat silently playing Rubik's cube. At this time, Christian came, a child who had just been transferred from the UK. He had the same birthday as Elias, so he was arranged to be Elias's roommate. Christian sat down to the roar of everyone around him. He realizes the voices are all aimed at Elias, yet he can still see Elias welcome him with a smile of hope - as if those voices never existed, or Elias is used to it.
After school, Christian and Elias walked together. The boys are here again. When they scolded Elias, Christian stepped forward to stop him. However, a basketball in the hands of the boys slammed into his nose, and blood immediately flowed out.
"Sorry! I'm really sorry!" Elias apologized in a panic, as if Christian's injury was all his fault.
"I'm fine." Christian covered his nose and walked home.
Elias came home with a look of gloom and unease on his face. Elias' mother saw Elias, and immediately welcomed the child back in a mother's way - happily hugged Elias with her head down, and played a childish game that only relatives can tolerate: "You look delicious. I'm going to eat you, Elias!" Mother laughed. "I hate you!" Elias growled and pushed his mother away, staring into her mother's eyes full of grievance and loneliness. After a silence, Elias shook his head and walked back to his room, leaving his mother standing there in shock. At this time, Christian was locking himself in the room, playing CS alone, blowing the enemy's head into bright red jam and covering the screen again and again.
The next day, when Sofus, the leader of the group of boys, followed Elias to the toilet and planned to beat Elias, Christian took a pump from behind and smashed it into the back of Sofus' head. Sofus fell to the ground. After a violent beating, Christian drew a dagger against Sofus' throat: "You must never touch me and Elias, and no one else, or I will kill you!" Christian's tone was like a wolf. Vicious. Sofus gasped and agreed.
The boys didn't get revenge on him afterwards.
Christian is lucky.
However, not everyone will be as lucky as Christian. If it were another Sofus, maybe he would believe in the belief that "power decides everything" from now on. His self-control stems from fear. And this fear, like the soil of the devil, gives birth to all distorted personalities. "It's not that I don't report it, the time has not come." Maybe the boy's heart was cursing like this.
However, is silence the solution to the problem? Elias chose silence. But I could understand that the silence was full of fear—how could a teenager be strong enough to endure all the insults and isolation silently.
2.
I remember when I was in junior high school, the girl J was sitting in front of me. She has an old enemy in the class, or rather, a lunatic W who haunts her all the time. W is a boy. Whenever J spoke or passed by him, W would abuse her with every dirty word you can imagine. "Beasts!" "Bastards!" "Bitch!"... Even when W is in a bad mood, he will punch and kick J. I've never been able to figure out why W bullied J and was so hysterical. J and W have never been in contact with each other. If there is an intersection, it is - they are in the same class. J never responded to W's attack, just walked to his place silently, opened the book, and lowered his head. I thought about helping J, but there is a group of "brothers" around W, who help coax when W bullies J. In the face of this group of people, everyone around them chose to remain silent, including me.
W's group of brothers often go to other schools to make trouble together with gangsters from other classes. I often hear that they are fighting with the gangsters of such and such school, and I often see a group of sloppy boys gathered at the school gate after school, with watermelon knives in their hands - when they get together When they are together, they are like a group of lunatic who have been beaten by chicken blood.
The only feeling you can have when facing a group of people like this is helplessness—you can't communicate with them at all.
Violence is used when male red deer compete for female red deer's right to mate - but they only show their strength by pushing against each other with their antlers. One of the great advances of civilization is to avoid violence to compete, which greatly increases the survival rate of species. Even the bird of paradise simply uses dance to fight for mating rights. And this group of people is always extending their own violence - even they themselves don't know why.
After 8 years, I got in touch with J and W. When asked why W attacked J in those days, W said helplessly: "I was ignorant at that time, I just saw J's appearance was not pleasing to the eye, and I felt that J's voice was disgusting." W said that at that time, he didn't understand anything. He said he felt sorry for J. Eight years later, with my encouragement, he tried to apologize to J, but J didn't accept it.
"I won't forgive him even if I die!" J responded angrily.
I can understand J very well, but I have a hard time understanding W. "Ignorance", "ignorance", such ridiculous reasons are completely unnecessary to say. However, I know that W's father often punishes him physically, and I instinctively think that this has something to do with W's madness. However, no matter what the reason is, it is not the reason why W transfers his suppressed anger or fear or grievance to others in the form of violence. No one needs to bear anything for him, and he has no right to use anyone as a punching bag - except his family. Whenever I think about it, I stop trying to understand W, or, I don't want to understand him at all. He doesn't seem to be doing well now. However, I still hope that God will torture him and let him taste enough pain to make up for his sins.
However, when calmed down, I often ask myself: I do this, right?
3.
Elias' father, Anton, was a doctor and worked on humanitarian medical teams in Africa. He is the only local doctor. Every day, pregnant women are sent to the camp. Before they can give birth, their belly is cut open and the child is dug out. This is all done by the local big brother and his subordinates, just to see who can guess the pregnant woman's belly. the sex of the child, and take pleasure in it.
One day, a car crashed into the camp, and several men with guns jumped out of the car: "Where's the doctor! Doctor!" Anton came to the car, and in the car lay the injured big brother, his right leg was slit A cut was made that went straight to the calf, and the wound had festered to the point of maggots. "Can you be cured?" Big Brother asked. Anton looked left and right, and the people sitting and standing around were all civilians living under the oppression of Big Brother. He knew exactly what they wanted him to do. However—
“I can give it a try,” Anton replied, “but this is a medical camp, weapons and cars can’t come in.”
“…, I’m in charge here!”
“No, I’m in charge here.”
Old The big brother turned his head to look around, those were all his enemies.
"Keep weapons and cars away from camp, or I can't heal you, and you'll have to take off your legs," Anton emphasized again.
There was no way, Big Brother disarmed and let his subordinates leave. The surrounding people immediately began to talk in low voices. Someone reminded Anton: "He's Big Brother! He's a beast!" Anton stopped, paused, and didn't answer.
Anton is a complete humanitarian. Someone had slapped him in the face of his child, and he just chose to respond by reasoning with the other party. It was Anton who made Elias choose silence when confronted by the boys who were bullying him.
While Big Brother was recovering from his injuries in the camp, another pregnant woman who had been caesarean section came over. Anton couldn't save her. Big Brother saw the female corpse lying on the operating table and smiled contemptuously:
"Hey, little girl, big blade."
"What did you say?" Anton turned his head and stared at Big Brother.
"Little girl, big blade. Leave her to Omar. Omar likes things that don't move."
Big Brother turned around and gave Omar, who was standing behind him, a wink, then turned back to look Looking at Anton, waiting for the doctor's response.
"Hehehehehehe..." Big Brother and Omar laughed together.
"f…..Go out! Go out! Leave! Now!" The frustration of the pregnant woman's death mixed with anger slammed into Anton's brain, and he lost his mind, growling and shoving Big Brother, "You can go now! Go! Go !"
Big Brother's crutch fell to the ground, and he and his men were unarmed, staggeringly pushed by Anton to the door. The fence around the camp was covered with the group of innocent civilians, who stood up and stared at the scene in front of them. In the stumble, the big brother fell to the ground. He prayed to Anton: "Doctor, don't do this, there are my enemies around!" "I can't control it!" Anton yelled, turned around and walked back, leaving the big brother behind A man is lying on a clearing. The surrounding civilians began to gather, one, two, one circle, two circles. The figure of Big Brother was overwhelmed by the crowd, only his roar pierced through the crowd and echoed over the camp.
Anton didn't stop this from happening. Instead, he was the initiator of it all. He staggered back and felt something shaking violently in his heart. His eyes became distracted, he looked around, and he tried hard to see clearly around him, the camp, and the world.
4.
No matter how firm the belief is, it will be challenged in reality. This is the misfortune that you were born as a human being, and it is also the luck that you can go to this world.
On episode 431 of the Podcast Channel "This American Life," there's a bitter story.
Josh's mother Nancy often told Josh: "If one day I have an accident, you have to help me take care of Ben." Ben is Josh's older brother. In Josh's eyes, Ben should take care of him. In a way, Josh sees Ben as a replacement for his father—they don't know who their father is since they were born.
However, Ben has a learning disability and dropped out of school early.
"Don't be like your brother." Nancy often told Josh in front of Ben. Josh often felt that Nancy was too harsh on Ben. Josh also has a younger brother, Mark. Of the three, only Ben was always left out by Nancy. "He should have tried harder." Nancy often explained her harshness to Ben like this to outsiders. The most common scene in Josh's life is that Nancy blushed and yelled at Ben. Spit splashed on Ben's face, and Ben never dared to reach out and wipe the spit from his face, he just lowered his head, waiting for the scolding to end. At this time, Ben always seemed to be very weak - even though he was a lot taller than Nancy.
While Josh and Mark have families of their own, Ben still lives with Nancy. Nancy rarely goes home, she has other places to live.
One afternoon, Nancy came back suddenly. The unexpected visit catches Ben off guard. The house was a mess, with sheets and bottles scattered all over the place, and there was a musty smell everywhere. Unsurprisingly, Nancy cursed again, humiliating the nearly 30-year-old boy in front of her without reservation. However, unexpectedly, this was the last time Nancy could scold Ben.
"She drank and wanted to sleep, but she complained about a smell in the room and she couldn't sleep. She was cursing as she picked up the package and walked out. I think she was looking for a hotel." Missing in Nancy Later, Ben called the police. This is how he described his last meeting with his mother to the police.
Two weeks have passed and nothing has progressed. The police began to suspect that Ben killed Nancy because Ben was the last person to see Nancy.
"It's impossible, Ben is such a nice person." Stephanie cried, she was Josh's wife.
"Can you imagine the fear? Your mother may be dead and you are accused of killing your mother." Ben's words revealed great unease.
"She could have gone to a bar and never came out again; she could have dated some stranger again and something bad happened; she could have...he could have done anything, especially after drinking. Ben kills It's the last one I'm willing to believe out of countless possibilities," Josh said. Both he and Stephanie were worried that Ben might go to jail for trumped-up charges.
However, as the investigation deepens, more and more evidence points the suspect of the murderer to Ben. Josh began to waver, and he felt that he should have a good talk with Ben. Stephanie disagreed, she felt it would hurt Ben deeply. In the end, Josh convinced Stephanie. They told Ben to close his eyes and think back to the last time they met Nancy.
"She saw the mess in the house and she started yelling at me and spitting at me," Ben begins. "Then she locked my throat with her right arm. She drank and she went crazy.
" Well, she locked your throat, what did you do." Stephanie encouraged Ben.
"I pushed her away and she fell to the ground." This is the first time Ben has admitted to physically bumping Nancy in his description.
"Then, what did you do?" Stephanie sensed something uneasy. She wished Ben would say, "She got up and slammed the door and left." However—
"I grabbed her throat with both hands, and I was terrified. I didn't let go until she stopped struggling."
Stephanie and Josh couldn't believe their ears.
"She should have thought...she did this to Ben, she should have thought about what was going to happen." Stephanie was doing her best to understand what happened when Ben was arrested and put in jail, "Ben can't possibly Keep silent like this forever. No one can stand that kind of abuse."
But as the weeks passed, Stephanie and Josh started to miss Nancy. They want Nancy to accompany them to buy wedding dresses, they want Nancy to attend their wedding, they want to eat strawberry pie made by Nancy.
Ben still doesn't seem to understand what he's doing. He called Josh, hoping that Josh would send some money: "I want a TV, there's no TV here. There's not even a radio." Josh felt that Ben was completely unaware of the impact he had on his life. Josh yelled at Ben on the phone, then hung up immediately. It made him feel better.
However, the next day, Josh immediately regretted it. He felt he was being too hard on Ben. Ben killed Nancy for a reason.
It's been almost 6 years, and Josh and Stephanie think everything will calm down over time. However it didn't. They were often in a trance, feeling that they loved Nancy, hated Nancy, loved Ben, and hated Ben again. The struggle was so painful for them. They wanted to know why, they wanted to try to understand Nancy, they wanted to try to understand Ben.
However, they could not find the answers they were looking for.
5.
Christian saw Elias' father being slapped, and he decided to avenge Elias. He's going to blow up the man's car.
Christian's mother has cancer. In the late, extremely painful stage, she chose euthanasia to end her life. Christian hates his father. He felt that his father had lied to him.
Elias' parents were strangers. Anton spends most of his time in Africa and rarely spends time with his wife and children. And he once loved a second woman besides his wife.
Elias did not agree with Christian's revenge plan, but as his only friend, he could only accompany him to the end.
Before the plan was implemented, Christian fired another shot at his father. This time, he said everything he wanted to say, straight and unreserved:
"If I die, don't you care?"
"You've been lying to me. You said mom would be fine. Yes! You said she didn't suffer at all!"
"I don't feel sorry for you. You want her to die."
"I know, admit it, you want her to die!"
And Christian's father, for the first time, deeply The love for his wife and Christian that was hidden in his heart was revealed. Such a bitter love, he thought it was needless to say that Christian could feel it.
Christian looked at the father in front of him silently, punched hard, and fled back to the room.
A morning jogging mother and daughter were approaching the car on the corner of the street when Christian ignited the explosives placed under the car. When Elias saw it, he instinctively ran out to stop the mother and daughter. The mother and daughter stopped, and at this moment, the explosion sounded and Elias fell to the ground.
Christian thought Elias was dead, he killed his best friend. He decided to commit suicide.
When Christian stands on the edge of the roof, you can see a world crumbling in his eyes. It was the bastion of his past existence, the thing he relied on to protect himself.
In the end, the tragedy did not happen. Elias was only slightly hurt. For Elias, Anton and his wife were together for the first time for such a long time, and the love between them that had been extinguished was rekindled. Christian was rescued by Anton. After returning home, Christian and his father hugged tightly for the first time.
Elias' kindness was the catalyst for all this turning.
6.
Reality is never summed up by a few creeds. The discussion of violence or anti-violence is like a fish tank that has been emptied of water, with only a few abstract thoughts struggling in it.
Elias's kindness led to the final turn of the story, and before that, Christian's belief in the supremacy of violence led everyone to the gate of the turning point.
Even Anton, who believes in anti-violence, will feel the blind spot that humanitarianism cannot reach in the extremely primitive grasslands of Africa.
J is powerless against W, and Ben has enough strength against Nancy. Then, W was haunted by the shadow of self-blame and remorse, J was haunted by anger, while Nancy lost her life, Ben lost her freedom, and Josh and Stephanie lost their loved ones and their pure and happy lives.
It's too chaotic, the reality is really too chaotic, so chaotic that you can never judge and measure it with a simple ruler. You can't.
I am a complete humanitarian. However, in my opinion, it doesn't matter what you believe now. The important thing is that when you watch those videos, read those words, and listen to those voices, you also experience those people and things together, feel something together, and think something together. Then, you start to change, become heavier. One of my favorite choreographers, Mia Michaels, likes to say: "In every moment of your life, you're constantly changing. I'm now different walking away with the experience of you. I don't know it yet, but it's affecting me and then it will come out in another way." That's it.
There is no need to evaluate, no need to know how to do it, and no need to force others to think how to do it. Those things just happened there, at a certain point in time, at a certain coordinate point. Everyone has their own understanding of the same thing. And language is only a tool after all, and what it can express is very limited. All you can describe is a tiny fraction of the myriad of impulses in the neurons of the brain, the parts that make up what is called a "thought." More, it just dissolves in your every word, deed, and every move, in every minute and every second of your life, illuminating everything around you.
Then, the world began to change.
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