I know that you are a lover of tragedy . And you're slowly weaving yourself into one, or imagining that you'll have a tragic ending to your worthless life story. You feel like an outsider trying to peek in, trying to figure out what's going on, everything that went wrong but might not have gone wrong.
You know vaguely the consequences and causes of your pitiful state. Yet you keep on waiting and waiting, for some external force, like a person, that might drag you out of or fight off this quiet desperation.
And you keep holding on to this silver lining. No matter how ridiculous, pathetic, or impossible it sounds.
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