But it shocked me deeply.
The background of the story is: a couple who love each other get married, they have a son a year later, the man works in an advertising company, and the woman is a housewife at home according to the man's request. Men are getting busier and busier, but women are less and less aware of their worth. After countless times of ineffective communication, women left when their son was 6 years old to find the life they wanted.
After 18 months, a new woman came back, she had a good job, and she also regained her long-lost self-confidence and happiness. However, she did not come back to get back with a man, she wanted to take away her son.
During these 18 months, the man became a "surrogate mother". For the sake of the child, his work was delayed again and again until he was fired.
Men and women have gone to court to fight for custody. Before the trial, the man was full of anger at the woman: why did she come back to fight for the child after abandoning the child?
In court, the woman and the man each answered the lawyer's questions. That was the most wonderful dialogue. I can only recall roughly.
The woman said: Yes, I have left the child once, and I will feel guilty for this for the rest of my life. However, when I left, it was the only choice. I realized that at that time, my situation was very bad, I was very unhappy, I didn't know who I was, I loved my child, and I wanted to take him with me, But I know no, I'm not a good enough mother anymore. After treatment by a psychiatrist, I know that I have enough ability and self-confidence to be a good mother. I should not be punished for this, nor should my child be punished for this. He is only 7 years old and he needs a mother. I'm not saying he doesn't need Dad, but I believe he needs me more.
Man said: I know my ex-wife loves children, but that's not the point of our discussion today. Today we are going to talk about who is best for raising children. My ex-wife once said: Women can have the same career ambitions as men, and yes, I agree. But why, just because of gender, should men be considered less suitable for raising children than women? Why is it that because of gender, it is assumed that fathers don’t love their children as much as mothers? In these days, I eat breakfast with him every day, go to school together, chat together, tell him stories in the evening, I build a family with him, we support each other and love each other. If you really love children, please don't destroy this happiness, okay?
In the final verdict, custody was awarded to the mother. As the lawyer said, when children are so young, most tend to be mothers.
The man refused to accept and wanted to continue to appeal. He could not do without his son. The lawyer warned him that the chance of winning the case was very small, and he would have to pay a lot of money. He said: don't care. The lawyer continued: If you appeal, you will need the child to testify in court.
The man shrank back and said bitterly but firmly, "No, I would never do that." He dropped the appeal.
But when the woman went to pick up the child, she suddenly cried. She said to the man: The night before, remembering that the child had moved to a new place, she would arrange his room so that the child's room would be the same as the original one. I realized that this is the child's home. She loved the child very, very much, but she still decided to let the child stay in a place he was familiar with.
This film is really very, very good, this is an ordinary couple, even a couple whose marriage failed, but they are the most qualified parents.
I've always agreed with a psychologist that parents love their children, and that's one of the biggest lies in the world.
Because I have seen too many irresponsible parents who don't know what "love" is.
The most impressive thing about the Kramers is that no matter how bad their marriage is, no matter how deeply they complain about each other, they will always instill in their children a point of view: Mom and Dad love you dearly, Dad Moms left for their own reasons, definitely not because of you.
A man is willing to give everything to obtain custody, but just because he is unwilling to let the child go to court, he gives up the appeal, because he knows how cruel and hurtful it is to let the child choose between the two closest people.
They love children, they will never possess children in the name of "love", they will never use children as a tool of revenge against each other in the name of "love", they will never accuse each other in front of their children, they would rather themselves Painful and unwilling to let the child suffer a little, they let the child understand that he is loved and worthy of being loved.
In me, it just reflects the selfish "love" of Chinese parents. When my parents separated, I was used as a tool. On the mother's side, I heard the accusation against the father, and on the father's side, I heard the accusation against the mother. Because of hating each other, I was instilled with this view time and time again: "Do you think your father loves you very much? In fact, he doesn't care about you at all, and doesn't treat you as a daughter at all!!..." "Your mother is not a good mother either. ..." Some relatives even said inadvertently, "You know, it's all because of you......, your parents got divorced."
And I happened to be involved in a judgment in the court. In that case, my mother used me as the plaintiff and my father as the defendant, and I was involved in the vortex of the adult battle. That day, it was very hot, I just sat there blankly, watching the adults on both sides, spitting and arguing loudly.
Now, from the bottom of my heart, I don't blame them. I still grew up well, and, I was not affected by their violent complaints and accusations, I still learned to be grateful and forgiving.
It's just, I don't know, the family feud that ran through my entire youth, the sense of division that used to tear me apart, and the current me, this one is a little indifferent to family affection, habitually self-deprecating, and has a huge sense of intimacy. I was skeptical and confused, there was some connection between this.
How I wish my mom would tell me when I was a kid: "Your dad loves you very, very much." My dad would tell me, "Your mom loves you very, very much." How I wish someone would tell me: " You'll always be the child they care about the most, no matter what."
How I wish I didn't show up in court that summer, I didn't see the two most important people in my life, in my name, attacking each other.
At that time, how I wish someone told me: I am not a trouble; how I wish someone told me: I am a child worthy of love.
I swear: If I had a child, I would never let him or her be hurt like this again. I will study hard and be a good mother.
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