When you lose someone you love the most, especially if you did it yourself, it doesn't matter.
So she said, "Explanation is to make excuses, and there is no excuse for death." Even if it is misunderstood, or even misinterpreted, and jailed for the sake of society's laws, it really doesn't matter anymore.
Because she has lost him forever.
She gave birth to him, but couldn't bear to watch him suffer from a sickness he couldn't bear any longer. Perhaps, death to him is liberation and happiness. So, as a doctor, she pushed the syringe into his six-year-old body. He fell asleep quietly and never woke up again. And she used silence to accept the society's punishment, used indifference to accept her parents and husband's decision to her, and used calm to accept people's anger towards her.
Because, she already knew all the results. She doesn't regret her decision, she has no better way.
The 15 years of prison life have taken nothing, except that she has to report to the police regularly after she is released from prison. When she was taken home by her sister, she was still the same as 15 years ago. She didn't mention that incident, didn't explain it, and didn't recall it. And she expressed her attitude towards her sister from the beginning, not that I was looking for you, but that they were looking for relatives and only found you. Just isolate yourself.
She just went on living, talking less, smoking, in cafes, at home, on the road, and at night, with cigarettes in her hands.
Even if she didn't mention the reason why she killed her son, in her taciturn expression, in her use of cigarettes to ease her inner struggle, in her care for her sister's children, in the little girl's insistence In her furious emotions when she read a poem to her, a discerning person could probably see that this was not an extremely vicious and cruel devil. There is an untouchable black hole in her heart, but it cannot stop her tenderness to her children, her tenderness as a woman and as a mother.
She kept looking for a job to make her life independent, but she kept hitting a wall. During the job application, she was asked what crime she had committed and she would be imprisoned for 15 years. On the surface, she calmly and seemingly indifferently said that she was murdered, because of the murder of her own son. The other party was deeply surprised, and then ordered her to leave immediately with the eyes of the devil.
This is how normal people react.
And who knows, in her heart, in that huge black hole, there is a voice that never disappears.
"I have always loved you deeply."
So she will always treasure her son's photo, the poem he wrote to her, the yellowed paper with her son's immature lettering written on the back of the hospital test report.
Still answering Mr. Lu Xun's words, "If you don't break out in silence, you will perish in silence." Her sister stumbled across the photos and test reports and understood the whole story. Finally, together with her, we once again faced this topic that she had always been silent about. She was furious. She roared with blue veins, and told you how, what can you help me, what can you help him?
The sisters both burst into tears.
It can only be said that character determines destiny. Originally, she was someone who didn't like to rely on others.
But depriving others of their lives will not be forgiven by the law. The most important thing is that even if she does what she thinks is best for him, she still can't forgive herself, even if no one loves him more than she does. But she has to face reality, she has to live.
At the same time, she also ignored one thing. There is a person who has always loved her deeply. No matter how others view her, no matter how closed she is, she will stick to her and do everything she can for her. That person is her sister.
In any case, "I have always loved you deeply".
In any case, it is also happiness to have someone who loves deeply and who is willing to work hard for it.
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