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walk hard
Pauline 2022-03-21 09:02:54
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[Richard explains to the board of directors the sign that cited the deli clerk as employee of the month for "cutting the cheese."]
Richard: 'Cutting the cheese' simply means 'cutting the actual cheese'. It doesn't have a double-thing? So I just missed it. Because in Canada, it's 'cracking'.
Mitch: The expression.
Richard: It's 'cracking', in Canada, yeah. We crack the cheese.
[Long pause between Richard and the board of directors]
Richard: Cracking it? Cracking the cheese? So I simply, really believed that Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award... for cutting the actual cheese. I'm sorry.
[Another long pause as a board member writes Richard's comments]
Richard: I simply believed Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award...
Mitch: I heard you the first time.
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[During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads]
Retreat Leader: I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on.
[Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head]
Retreat Leader: Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away!
[Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh]
Retreat Leader: Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on!
[Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh]
Retreat Leader: Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary.
[Richard turns to his right]
Richard: Doug, can we take our sack off?
Doug Stauber: What?
[Everyone bursts in laughter]
Richard: Did you take your sack off?
Doug Stauber: I can't really hear you.
Retreat Leader: If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!
Richard: [whispers] Fuck!
[Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else]
Retreat Leader: Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.
Richard: My concentration skills need improvement!
[Everyone bursts into laughter]