Death, especially self-directed death, always comes in many versions. (Unless that person chooses to die unknown, which I think is the most perfect way to say goodbye.) The same thing looks completely different at different times and in the eyes of different people. You have no way of guessing how someone is feeling when they are doing this. You are not in his place, you are not him. But everyone else's story is different. Among so many narrative versions, which one is the closest to the truth? When a person chooses to quit life, for any understandable or incomprehensible reason, when he presses the ESC key, can he really be completely free of worries? Can you think of these various versions?
I have been in a daze on one sentence: You cannot find peace by avoiding life. ("Escape from life, you cannot exchange for inner peace.") It echoes the end of the film to look life in the face. But what is escape and what is confrontation?
Woolf in the film says she can't go on like this. Her sister ran through the garden with her carefree children. The surrounding life seems to be so noisy and enthusiastic. Without me, everything will just be the same. She just lay beside the little corpse of the dead bird, looking at its dark eyes that were no longer bright, she felt that she would gradually lose the vitality of life like this, and let her soul die slowly. It seemed to her that hiding in Richmond and enduring meticulous guardianship was an escape. Even with a history of 2 suicide attempts, often emotional instability, unconsciousness and auditory hallucinations, it has been difficult to control her normal life, and she can no longer accept such a life. So did you make your own decision and go back to the hustle and bustle of London to face your own life? So in the end, sinking to the bottom of the lake with a rock in your hand, is it a way of giving up to achieve another kind of peace after a failed attempt to enter a raucous "normal" life?
I don't know whose approach is preferable? Woolf chose to face the darkness in her heart, and finally faced death, but she also found peace, no more confusion, no more hearing voices, no more dragging down the lives of others. Faced with the unbearable moments day in and day out, Laura said she had no choice, she couldn't do things like end her own life, and she couldn't live as "good" as everyone else, she just left her husband and abandoned her children. , chose to escape. Her family died one after another, but she survived.
When a person honestly faces his heart and listens to his voice being swallowed up bit by bit by the mediocre worldliness and trivial time, can daily life be so unbearable? When everyone thinks that you are very good and complete, and you are just trying very hard not to let yourself down, use all the boring and trivial things to keep yourself busy to escape your inner fragility and anxiety. How can you not fall apart over a small thing?
"What are you doing back home?" Woolf asked her sister. "Tonight? It's just some very boring dinner parties that even you wouldn't envy, Virginia." "But I envy." Envy is the normal noisy life, the worldly life. What is a good life? What is a "normal" life like? For a woman, to be the perfect hostess, sociable, good-looking, and paired with children? And the despair implied in every life story is not easily seen and understood by others. Most people choose to cover up these flaws. So everyone is envious of others, those seemingly perfect.
In the movie, Woolf once asked her sister You think I may one day escape? Is it a controlled life or the despair inherent in life itself? "Escape from life does not bring back inner peace." And the words at the end didn't bring me much hope... Should I face my heart more directly, whether it's darkness or daily fears. Whether death can successfully complete the escape is still unknown.
And we who continue to breathe every day, deal with our own lives. Maybe we have no choice. Maybe this is the choice. Attached is Dearest,
a suicide note from Virginia Woolf to Leonard in 1941 ,
I feel sudden that I'm going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of these terrible times and I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can't concentrate. So I'm doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in everyway all that anyone could be. I know that I'm spoiling your life and without me, you could work and you will, I know. You see I can't even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. Everything is gone form me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could be happier than we have been. No one in
Virginia
has been as happy as we have been.
Thank you for giving me the deepest happiness in my life, and I will never delay your life again.
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