Fortunately, I didn't go to the cinema

Lu Yan: No, Drunken fist. Secret Kung Fu after South. I'm Lu Yan, Traveling scholar. What land do you have come from? Monk,

Jason Tripitikas: I'm not a monk. I'm Jason Tripitikas from South Boston. Is this a dream?

Lu Yan: No, Where You came from is the dream. Throught The Gate of No Gate.

Jason Tripitikas: Is that like a wormhole or something?

Lu Yan: No, It means. You're either a Zen Master or You carry something special.

Jason Tripitikas: [Pointing towards the staff] This? It was in a pawnshop, Waiting for a man to pick it up and return it to it's rightful owner. What?

Lu Yan: It's long been foretold, That a seeker will come to return the staff and end the reign of Jade Warlord.

Jason Tripitikas: Return the staff to who?

Lu Yan: The Monkey King. Born of a stone, On the Mountain of Fruit and Flowers. With his weapon in hand. His Chi became like fire. His stick fighting like magic. He defied the order of the land. But, Jade army could not defeat him. The Monkey King crushed every soldier sent to stop him. With his Magical Staff, He was unbeatable. Word of his disobedience. Traveled deep within The Forbidden Kingdom. To The Five Elements Mountain. Land of The Immortals. Once every 500 years. The Jade Emperor hosts The Peach Banquet. It's here, The heavenly ministers gather to celebrate their longevity and drink The Elixir of Immortality. One sip of this heavenly brew will give everlasting life. Free from mortal suffering and desire, Into the Banquet, The Monkey King crashed, Uninvited. The Jade Emperor was enchanted by The Monkey King. But, The Jade Warlord was not amused. As Master of The Army. The Warlord demanded The Monkey King bow down to him.

Jade Emperor: He's a bit unrefined, That's all. Give The Naughty Monkey a title and let him go.

Lu Yan: Satisfied all was well in heaven and earth. The Supremely High Emperor left to begin his 500 years meditation, leaving The Jade Warlord in charge by mandate of heaven. But, Rather than obey The Jade Emperor's command. The Warlord challenged The Monkey King to a duel, High Top Five Elements Mountain in The Warlord's palace. The Battle of Immortals was fought. To prove once and all Whose skills were supreme.

Jade Warlord: Most excellent stick fighting, Sun Wukong. But without your weapon, You're nothing. But, A lowly hermit. No more weapons, No more Chi Magic. Fist against fist.

Lu Yan: The Monkey King was too trusting and believed The Warlord's words. Lying down his magic weapon.

Lu Yan: Realizing, He'd been tricked, The Monkey King cast the staff out into The Middle Kingdom.

Jade Warlord: [The Jade Warlord deceives The Monkey King and says] Hmm, Martial Art is based on deception. My friend. Being Immortal The Monkey King could not be killed, Only trapped in stone. Where he waits for the seeker from the prophesy to return to him his great weapon and finally free him. That's what I heard. Anyway, Long time ago.

Jason Tripitikas: How long has he been imprisoned?

Lu Yan: 500 Hundred years, Give or take a few decades. They say. When The Monkey King is free. The Jade Emperor will return.

Jason Tripitikas: How do I get home?

Lu Yan: You must return the staff to Five Elements Mountain, You must free The Monkey King.

Jason Tripitikas: I can't free The Monkey King, I gotta get home.