Have you seen a lot of messy clips at the beginning? My life is so "ordinary"!
But... it's all fake.
Because I wanted to escape from my old life, I got married and had children and pretended to be an ordinary person.
Today, when I was about to go to bed, I noticed that someone had sneaked into my house. I got up and went downstairs to check, it turned out to be a couple of robbers.
When I wanted to hold on and let them take their things and leave, my heroic son knocked down one of them (yes, it's inherited from me). Although I had the opportunity to make a move, I held back, because I made a move, and I would not be an ordinary person in front of my family.
Unexpectedly, after letting the two thieves go, my son looked down on me, and only my lovely daughter still trusted me. Can I bear this? Is the glorious image of being a father just gone?
Just then, my daughter told me that her cat watch was missing. Hmm... the cat watch... that's a really good "reason", it must have been taken by the two thieves.
So, for this reason, I embarked on the road to find the glorious image in the hearts of my children. (Well...actually my hands are itchy and can't help it)
I used the tattoo patterns of thieves to ask around in tattoo parlors in the city, and no one was willing to tell me, they all pretended not to know. So at the last tattoo parlor, I showed my "tattoo" and the owner of the tattoo parlor told me. (Tattoo shop owner: Your tattoo is very unique)
When I got to the house of the pair of thieves, I saw that they had dinner, but they didn't call me. When I got angry, I beat the man up and told them to return my daughter's cat watch.
But these two people didn't know each other, they just refused to return the cat watch, when I was about to kill me. Suddenly I heard a voice that made me unable to continue. (Oh my god, what the hell happened to me today, I almost killed someone for a watch. Forget it, the watch is gone.)
After a while of rain, I regained my humanity. People can't hit, so I can hit the wall, right? (so I beat the wall to death, my fist got blood from that wall)
After killing the wall, I took the bus home, but the more I thought about it in the bus, the more wrong it became. (I'm going to tell my son that I beat the wall to death, he won't believe me)
Then I saw a few idiots who crashed and stopped, and got out of the car with alcohol, so I said, drinking is really not allowed to drive.
I don't know why, but these idiots actually got in the car and molested the little girl in front of me. Can this be tolerated? ? Flirting with little girls in my face? ? If this is going to spread, I still use it in the rivers and lakes? ? My fame has become irresistible.
I got up and pushed the driver out of the car. (She is too fat, I am afraid that she will occupy a position and affect my performance)
I yelled at those fools: let go of that girl, something is coming at me.
The idiots have noticed me, and then take a good look at my performance, and you will know where I was in the past. (Before in our village, no one dared to mess with me.)
Look at my punch... I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I haven't been active for too long.
Here are three wonderful minutes.
Three minutes have passed... That's right, since I just recovered my state, I beat them to the ground. There was an idiot who fell ill and didn't come on purpose. I even urgently performed an operation on him, so I immediately opened his throat and intubated him.
I didn't expect it to be able to save people after a fight. Today was really cool.
When I got home, my wife saw my record and she was scared and said nothing to me.
Since she didn't say anything to me, I'll start by saying: Wife, we haven't had sex for a long time...
I thought that what happened last night was over like this, but today my little brother told me that the idiots I beat were from the Maoist Party, and told me to be careful.
But... I'm not afraid, there is something to beat me.
When I was happily cooking dinner and showing my cooking skills, I unconsciously glanced out the window and saw that the lights outside the window were dazzling.
Yo, how much does it cost to refit these headlights for these cars, can I refit that broken car as well? The halogen headlights on my car are too dim to see the road at night.
So I asked my wife and children to go to the garage to help me see if the headlights of the car at home can still be used.
After closing the door for my wife and children, I looked out the window to see what the logos of those cars were, so I could do my homework to see if the manufacturer's lights were suitable for my car.
But the people in the car got down inexplicably and came to my house.
Strange, could it be that my case of opening the throat and intubating to save lives was discovered? Did they come here to thank you? ?
After I closed the mountain, I have been low-key for so many years. I really didn't want to be too public, so I planned to turn off all the lights in the house, so that they would think that there was no one at home and hurry back. (Doing good deeds without leaving a name is my purpose as a human being)
Unexpectedly, not only did they not go home, but they also turned on a flashlight with a gun, came into my house, and wanted to shoot me when they saw me.
Ok? Is there any misunderstanding in the middle?
Ah fight! Here are three wonderful minutes.
Yep, I got them down again. (No one will believe it. I had a car accident within three minutes of the fight)
Huh... my clothes are dirty, which one of the dry spray paints came to fight right after get off work? Got me covered in paint.
So I took a nice bath and went to open the door for my wife and children.
Seeing my son's astonished look, I knew that my radiant image was back. (Son: Dad, I went to see the headlights. Why are there so many guests at home?)
(Me: Son, didn’t you see that they beat Dad to the ground? Son: Dad, why did you beat the guests inexplicably?)
Seeing that the house was in such a mess, my wife was going to get angry again, so I gave her five hundred yuan and asked her to take my wife and children to find a hotel to live in. I promised to keep the house clean.
I dragged those guys to my basement and found my daughter's cat watch. (That's why I said that if you look for something, you can't find it, and if you don't look for it, it will appear in front of you.)
Why drag it to the basement? Because I recently invented music therapy, as long as different types of patients listen to different types of music, it will help their injuries.
I asked those idiots, why did you shoot me when you saw me?
The fool said: You, you, you practice medicine without a license, perform operations indiscriminately, and kill people.
Could it be that there is something wrong with my laryngeal intubation surgery? There's no reason to do it on TV.
Suddenly, the record player circuit was aging and caught fire.
Sad, the house is made of wood, it is impossible to put out.
So... I took the property and ran out.
I just promised my wife that I will clean it up.
I didn't expect it to be so clean now.
What to do if the house burns down...
Well, let's take the family and buy a house with my husband.
Lao-in-law: Isn't it just a house? Who are you and who am I? Take it if you like it. But if I say it's free for you, you definitely don't want it? Then I reluctantly took the money. The house is for you, my dear son-in-law.
After buying the house, I felt that it was still necessary for me to find the family of the fool who failed the operation, and explain to him that I was indeed a rescuer, and I didn't think too much about it.
So, I came to the door.
Unexpectedly, this is still a big family, and the relatives have left, and they have prepared so much paper money. (So much money, it shouldn't be able to spend it below, right?)
In order to express my feelings, I decided that I would burn some for him first, so that he could use it first.
I ran out of the hall where the paper money was placed in dismay.
Unexpectedly, the current merchants are so blackhearted, and there are so many accelerants in paper money. I just burned a few, and a little spark floated to other valuables, and all of them were burned. (Brother, it's not an accelerator, I'm waiting for the money below, borrow your hand to burn more)
The family members are not at home, maybe at the place of work, I go to the place of work to look for them.
Yo, I didn't expect this family member to be singing in a bar. Because I was hungry, I listened to his singing while eating yellow stewed chicken and rice.
After a while he finished singing and noticed me.
I immediately put down the chopsticks in my hand: Brother, listen to my explanation, I really didn't think much about saving your relatives at that time, how did I know that he suddenly fell ill during the fight, so I learned how to perform surgery on him...
Before I could finish speaking, he slapped the table: It's not the operation, you... During the operation, the scalpel was not sterilized, and he had tetanus and left.
This... (I definitely didn't forget, mainly because I don't smoke, I don't have fire on my body, and I can't disinfect it)
Big brother, why don't you think about it, when is the time for retribution? You also asked your brother to chop me up last night, and I didn't care about you. I just went to your house and helped you burn all the paper money for your relatives.
He patted the table again, and this time stood up: you, you, you... burned all the paper money?
Yep, it's all burned.
It's irritating, that's what our Mao Zidang worshipped our ancestors and masters in a few days, and you burned them all?
This...I don't know. Are you from the Maozi Party?
Okay, for your own sake, let you run forty meters first, and then I will draw out my forty-meter broadsword. If you can run home, you will win.
Hearing this sentence, I didn't hesitate at all and ran away. (Isn't this a joke? Forty meters, I'm not afraid at all. Who, help me prepare a fastest sports car, I'll go first)
I drove home in a muscle car with no accident, and I won.
But that Maozi refused to admit defeat.
He actually called dozens of younger brothers to come to my house. (I forgot to tell him that this is my new house, because there are a lot of mice, I put a lot of mouse traps)
Sure enough, his little brother stepped on the mousetrap when he came in, and was injured one by one. (Brother Maozi: Whose mousetrap is one meter in diameter?)
(Dear, I'm sorry, the mouse trap you bought was sent to you by the wrong product, and the animal trap was sent to you. Please apply for a return for a refund.)
This is not me, the mouse at home is big, and it can be used for one meter, so I will not return it.
So many people came in, only the guy who just sang at the bar didn't step on the trap. He also had a gun in his hand, and it seems that burning some paper money is really terrible.
I thought about it, when I bought the mouse trap, I also gave a pack of rat poison, or... (But what if he has a gun)
So I picked up the tempered laminated glass that had not been installed by the renovation workers on the ground in one hand (the glass has a suction cup handle, which is easy to hold), grabbed a handful of rat poison in the other, and ran to him. (Dalang, take medicine)
He kept hitting my glass, but I didn't expect that the glass wouldn't break at all. I shoved rat poison into his mouth. (Please don't ask me why I can't stand the power of bullet shooting, just ask me to charge the money)
Before he hung up, he asked me: This glass...is...where is it made?
I glanced at the laser print and said to him: made in china.
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