[first lines]
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Good morning, Mr Blake. My name's Amanda. I've got a couple of questions here for you today to establish your eligibility for Employment Support Allowance. It won't take up much of your time. Could I just ask firstly, can you walk more than 50 metres unassisted by any other person?
Daniel:
Yes.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Okay... Can you raise either arm as if to put something in your top pocket?
Daniel:
I've filled this in already on your 52-page form.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Yeah, I can see that you have but, unfortunately, I couldn't make out what you had said there.
Daniel:
Yes.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Can you raise either arm to the top of your head as if you are putting on a hat?
Daniel:
I've telt you, there's nowt wrong with me arms and legs.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Could you just answer the question, please.
Daniel:
Well, you've got me medical records... Can we just talk about me heart?
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
D'you think you could just answer these questions?
Daniel:
Okay.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
So was that a yes, that you can put a hat on your head?
Daniel:
Yes.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Okay, that's great... Can you press a button such as a telephone keypad?
Daniel:
There's nowt wrong with me fingers either... I mean, we're getting farther and farther away from me heart.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
If we could just keep to these questions, thank you... Do you have any significant difficulty conveying a simple message to strangers?
Daniel:
Yes. Yes, it's me fucking heart. I'm trying to tell you but you'll not listen.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Mr Blake, if you continue to speak to us like that that's not gonna be very helpful for your assessment... If you could just answer the question, please.
Daniel:
Yes.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Okay... Do you ever experience any loss of control leading to extensive evacuation of the bowel?
Daniel:
No. But I cannot guarantee there won't be a first if we didn't get to the point.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Can you complete a simple task of setting an alarm clock?
Daniel:
Oh, Jesus. Yes... Can I ask you a question? Are you medically qualified?
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
I'm a health care professional appointed by the Department of Work and Pensions to carry out assessments for Employment and Support Allowance.
Daniel:
But there was a bloke out in the, er, in the waiting room, he says that you work for an American company.
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
Our company's been appointed by the Government.
Daniel:
Are you a nurse? Are you a doctor?
Amanda the Health Care Professional:
I'm a health care professional.
Daniel:
Listen, I've had a major heart attack. I nearly fell off the scaffolding. I wanna get back to work, too... Now, please, can we talk about me heart? Forget about me arse, that works a dream.
