This sleepless night I decided to watch "All the Time". Actually, this disc has been bought for a long time, but I just kept it far away and didn't want to touch it. I feel that it should be a movie full of despair and gloom. In this deserted winter, most of the time, I only watch comedies that don't need to be emotional. When the exaggerated laughter in the movie sounds in the empty room, I can mistake it for my own voice in a trance.
After the first time, I pondered for a moment, still not enough, and then started to watch it a second time.
This is a story about three women. In different time and space, they have different faces and different identities, but at a certain mysterious moment, they face the same dilemma and thinking, and in the end, they each made a different choose.
One woman sank into the river resolutely and calmly, the other finally resolutely left, and the third became the one left.
This is a film with too rich connotations, and different people will taste different tastes. I have seen some people analyze the breath of death in the film, some talk about the same-sex complex expressed by the three women, and some people conclude that this is a feminist film. But crude as me, shallow as me, these levels are all ignored. I only see the hidden whirlpools and shallows under the calm river. The soul is struggling to move forward, but can never reach the other side of my heart.
I only heard a voice keep talking, from whispering to shouting-let me go.
My dear, can you let us not use the word death, it is too cold and cruel, we only talk about leaving, and death is just the most intense and thorough way of leaving.
Virgenia wanted to leave everything her husband arranged for her, away from the mean servants and psychologists. She wanted to go back to London and live according to her own will; the housewife of the 1950s, Laura, she was trapped in In the seemingly sweet and happy life, but suddenly collapsed at a certain moment, impulsively abandoning the family and children, lying on the hotel bed and wanting to end her life; and in the third story, it is actually a woman who wants to leave. The protagonist is a terminally ill old lover, he finally flew down and left this fragmented life.
When Virginia shouted to her husband in despair, this is not my life, my life has been stolen by you!
When the scrawny poet, he carefully asked his beloved, in fact, I live only to satisfy you, if I die, will you be angry?
At that moment, I was inexplicable and burst into tears. I don't know exactly why each of them wants to leave, but I clearly feel the desperation, and the bone-worn loneliness that even love can't save.
My dear, I know that you have had moments like that.
There are always moments, sitting in a room full of people, but like being exiled in a deserted desert, everyone around you is laughing, but you still can’t Melt in, you are separated from the hustle and bustle of happiness by a silent wall. At that moment, we truly reflected our own loneliness in the heartfelt smiles of others.
There are always moments when you are pushed to the center of the stage, and you lose the courage to confess your heart when you look at all those expected attention. Life seems to be a huge misunderstanding, we are always thrown into a world that does not belong to us, and you are too afraid to let everyone down, so you have to go against your intentions again and again to satisfy their ardent hopes and act like you are not familiar with. Be yourself, become another person, dance solo in the light of loneliness.
I saw your insincere smile, and saw your eyes wandering and unsure. You don't know what's wrong with you, why you have everything, but you still can't feel at ease, but you dare not say, dare not admit your weakness. You stand there and cover your pale face layer by layer with a confident smile like foundation
But my dear, there is always such a moment, at a certain moment on a certain day in your life, when the performance has not yet started or the audience has left, and the surroundings are so quiet, you lower your head and listen quietly to yourself before you hear My soul is crying in despair and depression. Most of the time, you are just compromising, accommodating, giving in, or waiting cowardly. The existing life has formed a thick cocoon, warm and safe, but at that moment, you hear the wings light behind you With the sound of a light fan, you realize that you still have a dream about flying, and then you know that there is another real self hidden in your body.
Dear, I know, you don't want to, you don't want to be so depressed, maverick, moody, but you can't control your heart, and the loneliness that seems to be hidden under the seemingly normal face.
That loneliness is so unforgettable, unforgettable, there is no force to resist, even when you hold the warm family, hot love, and the lasting friendship in your palms, when you look back, you find it still standing coldly behind you, Refused to leave.
I know that you often and involuntarily want to leave.
Leave the world where we don’t belong, leave those who love us who think we’re familiar with us, leave the principles we never dared to abandon from beginning to end, leave those imposed, so-called beliefs and responsibilities, and find a place where you can do whatever you want fly.
At the end of the film, everyone has an ending. In my eyes, this was originally a story about leaving. It’s just that I looked up, but I couldn’t perceive my future. Where, I don’t know when I will have such determination and courage to leave this one that doesn’t belong to me. The world, go find your own sky. I was not brave enough. I would neither sink into the river nor run away from home, let alone fly down, so I had to let my life go on like this, unwilling to wait, wait for collapse, or turn around.
This is the first day of 2004. If I can make a wish, then please give me enough courage and wisdom to decide my future. This world does not belong to me, please let me go.
2004.1.1
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