Regarding childhood, there is a popular saying on the Internet: Happy people are healed by childhood, and unfortunate people use their whole lives to heal their childhood . The message revealed by this sentence is that whether a person is happy or not is basically determined by childhood. I don't know if this sentence is too absolute, but for the drama "Melrose", it is indeed a confirmation of this sentence, and the original work is an autobiographical novel, which shows that the protagonist is indeed a person.
The whole show is full of negative energy, especially in the first episode, where the protagonist Patrick lives in a luxurious depravity and basically only does three things: fight drug addiction, fight with the past, and sleep with different women. The more than an hour-long play was filled with his extreme pain: he knew rationally that he couldn't continue like this, but emotionally, he was repeatedly caught in a drunkenness that could allow him to temporarily escape the pain, and then together with the drunkenness became a part of the pain. From one abyss to another abyss, no matter how you struggle, it is a desperate situation.
It seems that this desperate situation stems from the way his father treated him, even when he was separated from his parents, even when his father had been reduced to ashes, he was still trapped in the desperate situation that began as a child, the desperate situation of the heart. When Patrick found out that the father in the urn was still his nightmare, he even wanted to jump out of the hotel window and die.
What kind of father is this? What did he do to his son? Where is the mother? What kind of relationship is this to parents?
In ordinary people's cognition, whoever has more power in the relationship game between husband and wife has more right to speak and control. This power, in many cases, comes from money, status and talent. In the play, Patrick's mother Eleanor kills her husband in terms of money and status. Even in terms of talent, her husband has nothing to do: he wanted to be a composer, but was denied by his father; he wanted to be a doctor, but he didn't realize it. The greatest achievement in his life was to marry a super rich second-generation wife.
The question is, what does Eleanor see in such a man? he is handsome? With Eleanor's family background, what kind of handsome guy do you want? It was almost an inexplicable attraction that led her into this extremely tragic marriage. This inexplicable attraction may be difficult to understand rationally, but in real life, stories of "good women" falling in love with "bad men" are not uncommon. Why did the good girl fall in love with the little gangster? Or maybe it's because this little gangster has something in her subconscious that she doesn't dare to do. When the suppressed desire is presented in another person, it will become an inexplicable attraction. Or, for some women, there is a false narcissism: so bad men can fall in love with me and become good for me, then I am the most worthy of love. At this time, the badness of a man becomes a temptation, tempting her to challenge and conquer.
In the play, Eleanor said the only time she mentioned her husband: "I thought he would get better." This naive and childish idea became the poison that poisoned her soul in the future. Also, in the second episode, the behavior of another young woman, Bridget, seems to confirm the lure of bad men. When she learned that David had forced his wife to lie on the ground and eat the fallen figs one by one in public, there was a look of eagerness in her eyes, and then twice tried to challenge or molest David on the figs, until she crossed the The knife in her thigh made her shiver...
The more important question is, why can a man like David, a man with no money, no name and incompetence, be able to abuse his wife and children as he pleases at home like a devil? Not only that, among his group of alcoholic and meaty friends, he is also the most powerful person, and is feared by everyone.
By the way, fear, once this weakness of human nature is firmly grasped, basically it can only be controlled by others.
To make a person feel fearful, first you have to be more cruel and vicious than the other person. More than once in the play, David shot the headshot of a rabid comrade-in-arms. Perhaps, after this incident, David has the supreme power in his circle of friends. As long as he is there, there seems to be an invisible and powerful aura. No matter what he says or does, no one dares to object, because no one knows what he will do next to him.
However, such a frightening man, why his wife would rather be abused by him than leave him. Is it weak? Is it a masochist? Or other deeper reasons? Weakness is definitely there. Weakness may not be Eleanor's fault, but it's one of her big flaws, and it's clear that David has caught on to her in the first place. In a relationship, an unprincipled concession is equivalent to losing the bottom line. The other party succeeds in temptation again and again, which will eventually erode all your space and take away all your defenses.
However, I don't think weakness can fully explain the reason for Eleanor's complete fall. I should continue to ask why Eleanor, who was supposed to be the stronger side, is so weak? Here, it is necessary to explain what is "strong". As mentioned earlier, it is generally believed that whoever has better money, status, and talent than the other has more power, and this power can make it easier for people to be strong. Yes, it is "could", but not "must". In Eleanor, she has the conditions to be strong, but why can't she take advantage of these conditions? At the end of the day, I think, she was never independent spiritually, even though she had the innate advantage of being financially independent.
Yes, more important than economic independence is spiritual independence. If you observe carefully, you can find that it doesn’t take much effort to find that in our lives, there are many women who are better than their husbands in terms of appearance, ability and income, but they are willing to become subordinates of their husbands, and even be exploited and bullied for a long time. There's no way to leave a relationship that's humiliating both physically and mentally.
Eleanor's growth background is not explained much in the play. Her family provided her with endless money, but it obviously did not teach her to learn independence and self-esteem. I'm even thinking that she's going to find David to experience being loved in a bad man because she's so lacking in love. Her father is likely to be a tyrannical and arrogant guy who ignores his daughter. He cannot treat his daughter as an independent individual, respect it, let alone love it.
Such women are exactly what control-mad men want most. This control freak does not need to have extraordinary money, status, and talent. He only needs to control his wife spiritually, and he can become her master. Material, spiritual, and physical are all under his control. In the show, Eleanor says that the car is the only thing that really belongs to her, and that everything else, including her son, is under her husband's control.
So how does a control freak husband achieve this control step by step? Probably easier than most people think. Like Eleanor, as long as you are a woman with an independent personality and a low sense of self-worth, as long as your husband constantly dislikes you, accuses you, strengthens these cognitions for you, and makes you identify with him, he will eventually Lose yourself completely, feel like you are nothing and nothing.
Eleanor was at a family banquet, trying to seat guests, but was overwhelmed by this little thing. In fact, it's not that she can't do it, but that no matter what she does, her husband will say that she can't do well. In the long-term devaluation and brainwashing of her husband, Eleanor, who is unable to think independently and make judgments, identifies with her husband. Becomes feel that there is a problem with themselves, do not know how to do anything, the gaslighting effect, it is true.
In this way, the party who was supposed to be the strong one became the weaker party unknowingly. At this time, the other party only needs to further strengthen his lewd power through violence. If the weaker party does not obey him in the slightest, he will use verbal violence to insult and physical violence, so that the weaker party will always be afraid of him. The weaker party has full control. In the show, Eleanor says that the thought of being in the same room as David makes her shiver involuntarily.
When a person's sense of fear is deep in his bones, there is only one goal left in his life: self-preservation. If you are faced with a dictator who kills like a gangster, you will think about how to avoid being killed. In order not to be killed, you may even kill and kill your own relatives. If faced with a violently addicted perverted demon, thinking about how to avoid being punished, doing everything possible to comply or avoid it is the most common method.
At this time, the word "rebellion" was not in their dictionary at all. Because in their cognition, resistance means death or punishment, which is what they desperately want to avoid. It can be said that fear is the most effective means to achieve control. Fear of death and punishment is a weakness in human nature. The controlling party only needs to make the controlled party feel that "his own life is threatened", and he does not even need to do any more. If something happens, the controlled party will consciously amplify this sense of fear, and his own power will continue to shrink accordingly, until he loses the ability to resist and consciousness. Like a haunted house in an amusement park, a person with fear only needs to be in the dark, and even if nothing happens, he will be horrified and huddled into a ball.
Patrick is like a child born by Eleanor in a haunted house. There was darkness around her, and there was a demon standing on her head. All her efforts were to protect herself from so much harm in this haunted house. How could she have the strength to protect her children? But control freaks will not let anyone around, especially weak children, it is easier to control. Poor Patrick, just a sacrifice in Eleanor and David's perverted relationship.
David died when Patrick was in his twenties, and his story ends, but Eleanor's story is longer and more intriguing. When his husband was alive, he had no way to protect his children, and even sacrificed his own son consciously or unconsciously for self-protection. However, after the death of her husband, she had too many opportunities to make up for her mistakes and truly love her child once, but she did not, not only did she not, but when she was old, she continued to ask for her son spiritually, and she took charity as the By depriving the son of the right of inheritance.
This woman, in her whole life, has never really loved her children, but she has used up her family wealth to "love" others. How ridiculous? But when you think about it, it makes perfect sense logically.
It is not difficult to see that Eleanor is a person who does not understand what love is, because she has not been loved well, nor can she love others well, otherwise, she will never get together with the perverted devil David. After endless physical and mental destruction, the fire of her energy has long been extinguished, and her soul has no support. Only in the illusion of "charity" can she escape the misfortune and evil of reality. Yes, charity is not redemption for her, but escape. It can be said that her escape is still not out of the frame of self-protection, because once she enters real life, she must face her own weaknesses and faults, and the consequences caused by it, which is too heavy and too heavy for her. It was painful, she couldn't bear it.
When Patrick plucked up the courage and confessed to his mother that he had been raped by his father for a long time in his childhood, she spit out two words with no expression: Me too. No more. She knew early on that her son had been sexually assaulted by her husband for a long time, but she pretended not to know. For her, her husband's attack on her son was just enough to let her breathe. But this kind of inaction has caused her a psychological burden. In order not to attack herself and make herself feel guilty, she found an excellent reason: I am also a victim. She puts herself and her son in the position of equal victim, and deliberately avoids her other important identity: mother. In this way, she can feel at ease, or deceive herself to face her son and continue to live.
It was during this conversation that Patrick completely gave up his fantasy of finding love and solace in his mother. Patrick has spent nearly half his life struggling with the pain of the past, perhaps deep in his heart, he has been looking forward to the tender embrace of his mother, and her heartfelt sentence: SORRY, now he clearly knows that this is impossible . His mother was incapable of loving him.
Regarding Patrick's story, his fall, his pain, and his self-rescue, I can't judge, but I can only draw some thoughts from his experience. Parents cannot be chosen and cannot be changed. At the same time, the harm parents have caused are real. After confirming these (although this is painful), stop wasting time on your parents and try to use them to save yourself. , the shorter this process takes, the sooner you can get a new life.
But the new life is not achieved overnight, as long as there is no initiative to cut off with that ecology (this, I think it is Patrick's own responsibility, he has never left the circle created by his parents and went out to create his own new world), the familiar things in front of him It's easy to pull yourself back into the pain you once had. At this time, it's only natural to use the previous mode to fight the pain. So, being aware is very important. When we use sinking to fight pain, we can always find reasons for ourselves to do so, rather than finding out the ins and outs of things.
Understanding the origins of our behavior patterns can help us make changes; discerning the positive and negative forces around us is the key to choice. Take Patrick, every time he feels pain because he can't get rid of the past, whether actively or passively, Julia will appear, pulling him back to the previous sinking together.
By the way, I saw someone compare Julia to Sylvia, my wife in another British drama "The End of the Queue" that I like very much. Just as many people prefer Sylvia, there are also many people who prefer Julia, saying She is a better match for Patrick. All I can say is that my thinking is seriously behind, Sylvia is poisonous to Chris of "End of Queue", and Julia is to Patrick. They may love the male protagonist, but their love is more of a "fool". What they can do is to pull the male protagonist back to what they want, the sinking that they have always wanted, and this is exactly what the male protagonist wants. An unpleasant past that is desperately trying to get rid of. This unresolvable contradiction is doomed that it is impossible for them to live together and move towards the future.
After his mother's funeral, Patrick finally chose to return to his wife and children's home for dinner. This is exactly the choice he made after distinguishing the positive and negative forces around him. He accepts the reality that his parents are scourges, and also accepts all the right and wrong he has experienced. What he has to do now is to stop sinking into the past and bravely move towards the better future he wants.
Finally, a little more insight. Redemption is sometimes difficult, so people unconsciously place expectations on their partners, hoping that they will give them love and strength, understand themselves, tolerate themselves, and help themselves. Such a partner may or may not exist, but even if there is, even if the other party loves you and understands you, it is not infinite, because the other party is also a person with his own needs and limitations, and he is giving you love and When I understand, I also hope to get your love and understanding. A relationship with only one party's unlimited demands cannot be sustained. Therefore, remember that you can only be responsible for your own life, and your soul can only be redeemed by yourself. Don't expect to rely on others to redeem yourself, and don't imagine that you can redeem others. The miracle of redemption is actually accomplished by two people.
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