*Only this article pays tribute to my student days*
chapter1 occlusion information
Although I haven't learned English in the six years of primary school, my mother supervised me every day during the summer vacation of the sixth grade, starting from the alphabet, and taught me how to read phonetic symbols and how to pronounce with her only knowledge of English. I still gradually got a glimpse of the joy of reading and writing in English. It was this summer vacation of advanced study that gave me a good sense of accomplishment in English in that closed middle school. My love for English increased day by day as the scores rose.
But at that time, it was only being studied as a subject and not exposed to other ways of using English. In high school, a college student who had just graduated from college and became a teacher recommended New Concept English to us, but for me, who scored around 135 in the general English test, New Concept English is far less attractive than Yu Qiuyu's "English". "Cultural Brigade" and Zhou Guoping's "Niuniu".
In this way, in junior high school and high school, although my English level is the best among my classmates, it is only the best among them.
In this way, with arrogance, I entered the university, had a mobile phone, and had more exposure to English. In English class, the teacher showed us "Friends". When we first saw it, I didn't find it attractive, because the teacher just showed us excerpts based on her liking, and there was no plot logic. Then, ironically, in Mao's class, I finally aroused my enthusiasm for watching American dramas. It was a teacher who completed a doctorate at Renmin University and just started teaching in Shanke. She was tall and thin, with black ears. Her whole body exudes the breath of a young woman of literature and art. For a small town girl who was so soiled at that time, her temperament was fascinating. In a certain class, she shared with us the complete works of her Friends, saying that this was an American drama she watched repeatedly during her Ph.D., and she could come and copy it between classes if she wanted to.
In 2015, it was still an era when the mobile Internet was just beginning. The internet fee was still a bit high, so after class, I rushed over, copied the entire Friends episode, and was lucky enough to discover the first few seasons of The Big Theory.
Those summer nights after the copy, in the dormitory without air conditioning, from 9:00 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. when the lights were turned off, I was shirtless, blowing gusts of hot wind from the whirling fan, along with the plot. lol. Sometimes, roommates will come over to watch for a while, and then they will shake their heads and say that there is no laugh at all. In fact, what I didn't tell them was that sometimes I couldn't get a point of laughter, but I still found it funny. At that time, my heart was not only full of yearning to become a young woman of literature and art, but also a joy to connect with the world.
Then it was out of control, from "Friends" to "The big bang theory" to "Broken Sisters", "Modern family", "The Walking Dead".
2015-18 was an era when the mobile Internet broke out, and it was also an era when I opened the closed door of information and reached out to the world.
At that time, I knew the difference between the domestic Internet and the foreign Internet, and with the help of my friends, I started to use Google. As a girl, there was no scientific research pressure at that time, in fact, there was not much motivation to open the door to the Internet. The deepest impression is that one curious afternoon, in the process of chatting with my roommate on the bed of my roommate, I thought of the grass pomegranate community circulating on the Internet, so the two of them, secretly and straightforwardly, used Google to search, and found it on the website. The moment I jumped out, the moment the video was opened, the expressions of my roommate and I were full of panic and curiosity. Like a kid who does something wrong and shuts down all web pages the next second. They looked at each other, never to mention it again, and then I silently crawled off her bed. Ah, we were young at that time.
Under the impact of the mobile Internet, the quality of Zhihu's answers was very high at that time, and the public account was just beginning to rise, and everyone was writing their own thoughts seriously. At that time, I was like a shriveled sponge, madly absorbing different comments made by different people. I even discussed some answers on Zhihu with my classmates.
Of course, at that time, I only knew how to use the words I had read to raise my arms and shout out various slogans. After all, the heart is full of inferiority. Although the harshness of the appearance was not as serious as it is now, the pursuit of beauty has existed since ancient times. The fat and ugly me, the mediocre me, hid myself in the answers of Zhihu and articles on the official account, and spit out those arrogant words at a certain moment when communicating with friends.
As always, I made a lot of plans at the time, and I made a lot of demands on myself, but most of them were not met. At this time, I always say to myself, it doesn't matter, the next one will always be reached. In fact, it's just a process of accepting one's fate. It's really difficult to accept who you are. There are many beautiful qualities that are not possessed.
When I entered college at the age of 17, I protected my fragile self-esteem very well, avoided a lot of competition, avoided a lot of contacts, so I didn't have much success. This subtle sense of loss also prompted me to utter a lot of inexplicable arrogance in private.
However, the torrent of time pushed me and forced me. Whether it was escaping or protecting me, I had to face this cruel reality. After all, I entered my postgraduate career.
chapter2 The Cocoon Room of Information
When I entered graduate school, I was extremely disappointed at first. Indifferent senior brother, difficult subject, boring classmate. The colorful life in college seemed to be evaporated to nothing in an instant, and I, who didn't know the reason, blamed it on the rubbish of the circle. As everyone knows, these people are just like me. They are just ordinary town writers. They rarely have other entertainment activities. What's more, restraint and silence are the common characteristics of this group.
Yes, I feel, I have fallen, how I fell from a flowery world to a pool of stagnant water, I am ashamed of myself. However, this sense of humiliation did not prevent me from finding happiness. I was separated from those who could sing, dance and speak well. My self-confidence began to return, I began to try to organize activities, and I began to express. In the first year of research, I made no progress in scientific research, but I had a good time playing. It seemed that I had regained my lost pride and became the master of the group again.
It was indeed a very happy year. In that year, my aesthetics began to awaken, the purchase rate of clothes increased, and even the weight dropped to a slightly wonderful figure, and then, travel, Chengdu, Chongqing, Shanghai, Guangzhou. I went to many places and had a lot of fun. At that time, everything was good, and then, there was no such thing. The pressure of scientific research came to an abrupt end after being quiet for a long time, and gradually began to become anxious. It seemed that the previous escape had also come to pay off the debt. Self-confidence was pulled and sank to the bottom again. When I got to the point, I told the teacher about my delusions when I was eating, "Reading a Ph.D.", the teacher expressed his "expectation" for me in the next second, "You can graduate and work." Lost, full of loss. The loss of not being recognized, the loss of not being able to meet the requirements, the loss of not knowing how to do it. It was a difficult day. The weekly report was full of pain. The teacher repeatedly said "if you can't do it, you have to drop out of school." Block buy papers. Although I feel that my ability may not be enough, I never thought that, like now, it seems to be left behind by the torrent. Whether it is the advantage of English or the advantage of expression, at this time, it is so useless. It was the biggest feeling at that time.
Time flows recklessly, and the epidemic suddenly came. Under the heavy pressure, I stole a breath, but I still couldn't escape the report. The experimental results that were not obtained, the papers that were not issued, and all the unfinished things wanted to swallow me up. Taking advantage of the epidemic, I started looking for internships and wanted to quickly escape the whirlpool of scientific research. Maybe I knew that this was the only life-saving straw. Like crazy, I started to learn the front end independently every day. It was only the moment when I got the admission letter after the college entrance examination, and the pride in my heart still wanted to stand again. After one or two months of study, three days of fishing and two days of netting, I started interviewing. When I was close to giving up, I got an offer from JD.com, and I can only thank the interviewer for his kindness. So, start the internship. The time that followed was like running water, and in a flash, it was time for graduation.
Is it good to go to school early? It may also have nothing to do with school age, but with personal personality. My naivety and ignorance were well protected by my parents. After I had been in contact with the society again and again, I chewed and healed my wounds repeatedly, and only then did I get a glimpse of some social laws.
I think that the graduate student himself has fallen into a worse circle. actually not. When you were in college, everyone didn't have a clear goal, let you bloom, as long as you have the courage, you can do whatever you want. Being outstanding in any one thing will be sought after by others. Now, when I look back at those outstanding people in college, they are nothing but ordinary people. Most of them are still greasy adults in their hometowns, and the light of those youth has long faded. Graduate students have clear goals. People who are outstanding in other aspects can no longer attract everyone's attention. Only those who publish papers can get everyone's envy. Then, other aspects of ability are not so important. Besides, the so-called circle actually has little to do with personal development. Your own level of development depends on your ambition. Thinking that the circle is not good and your development is not smooth is just a self-avoidance statement, shirk responsibility and dare not face it. Disgusting to yourself.
Society, in fact, is like this, each of his groups has relatively clear goals. For example, when I was intern, making friends was not the goal, learning something was your own goal, but, most importantly, completing the task. As a screw, the most important thing is to complete the task with quality and quantity. Very realistic and straightforward.
Society is so cruel.
After writing this, you can respond to the situation, understand the rules of society, and then understand the sentence monica said to Rachel, "Welcome to life, it sucks, but you will love it!"
Just like me, I have experienced pain, I have been humiliated by the teacher's words, I have cried countless nights, I have cried in front of others, I have collapsed, but everything has survived, and finally calm, in the defense scene, fluent After talking about his work, he proudly said the articles he published. very happy. Just like at the end of "The Eleventh Chapter", "When we are old, it will be worth remembering these things.".
Six years of elementary school, six years of junior high school, four years of college, three years of graduate school, and 19 years of student life will come to an end.
I'm still the one who is not too persevering, not too brave, not too confident, and not ready for social life, but that's how he came.
All I can say to myself is, "Welcome to life, it sucks, but I hope you will love it!"
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