Written on 2020.03
Last night, I watched a French cartoon "The Great Felicity" with my children, telling a story like this:
Felicity, a little girl from an orphanage, has always had a dream to become a real ballet dancer.
In order to fulfill this dream, she and the little boy Victor made a "big adventure plan", escaped from the orphanage, and came to Paris, the romantic capital.
Here, Felicity is taken in by Odette, a maid who is indifferent but kind-hearted, and works together at the house of Lady Camille, a noble lady, and meets Miss Camille, who also wants to be a ballet dancer.
Felicity was captivated by Miss Camille's graceful movements during ballet practice, but was irritated by the contemptuous tone of the other party. In a fit of anger, she faked Miss Camille's admission letter and took her place to study ballet at the Paris Opera.
From the very beginning, she couldn't even stand on tiptoes. Later, under the guidance of famous teachers, she made rapid progress and became one of the most promising young dancers to perform in the classic ballet "The Nutcracker".
However, there are always times when lies are exposed. During the final stages of the casting for The Nutcracker, Madame Camille brought her daughter to the opera house to expose her true colors.
Then Felicity, after unease, hesitation, anger, disappointment and calm, came to a real showdown with Miss Camille.
Miss Camille's dancing is elegant and skillful, without any flaws; while Felicity's dance, although not as perfect as Miss Camille's, is more passionate.
Because for Miss Camille, learning to dance is to fulfill her mother's expectations; but for Felicity, ballet is her childhood dream.
The perfect dancer needs not only technique, but also soul. In the end, Felicity was qualified to perform in "The Nutcracker", and Camille also put down her inner arrogance and prejudice, sincerely blessed Felicity, and the two became good friends.
The story is over, and before going to bed, I discuss the characters in the movie with Yoyo.
I asked her, "Baby, who's your favorite character in it?"
Yoyo thought about it and said; "I like Miss Camille the most, she dances very beautifully, and she finally became good friends with Felicity, when the bad woman (Mrs Camille) wanted to beat Felicity , she also said not to scare her."
"Yes, but that Miss Camille was pretty annoying at first, didn't she, she laughed at Felicity and sarcastically and belittled her."
"Mom, what is ridicule and what is belittling?" Yoyo asked.
"Laughing is a joke, didn't Miss Camille joke that Felicity was a nasty little mouse at first? To put down is to say that the other party is not good, remember, Miss Camille said that Felicity is nothing and can't do anything Here, do you remember?"
"Oh." Yoyo responded gently, thinking, and then said firmly, "She can't say that well."
"Yes, it's very bad. For example, if someone tells you now, Yo Yo, you're a bad kid, you can't dance well, you can't write well, you don't look good, and you have a bad temper. You How would it feel?"
Yo Yo was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly said, "Mom, I feel... so uncomfortable."
I hurriedly put her in my arms and touched her little hands and face, alas, this is a very sensitive child.
"Don't be sad, mom just said that just saying "if", in mom's heart, Yo Yo Ke has always been the best child. But, baby, you have to remember this feeling just now, did you feel very wronged just now, It's so sad, I feel like crying, right?"
"Yes." Yoyo's voice was a little crying, and she hugged me tightly and wrapped her arms around my neck.
I stroked her hair and continued:
"Mom is talking about this with you today because I want you to know that language is actually a weapon, and it can also hurt others. For example, if you praise others, praise others, and comfort others, this person will feel very warm and comfortable. , very happy.
However, if you threaten to frighten people like this Miss Camille, belittle others, then people will feel the way you just felt, sad and hurt, right? At this time, language is like a knife, cutting someone's heart. "
Yoyo didn't say anything, just hugged me tightly.
"So I hope you remember this feeling just now, keep your mouth shut at all times, don't say things that make others uncomfortable, think more about how to talk to others, and others will feel more comfortable, understand? Can you do it? "
"Mom, I can do it." The little head rubbed against my arms, what a dear baby.
Let's keep talking.
"Then if someone says that to you, for example, there is a child in the class, and she just doesn't like you and says you hate it, what should you do?"
Yo Yo thought for a while, "I will be sad, angry, and ignore her."
I said, "You are very right to be angry at this time. If someone says that to you, then she is deliberately demeaning you and disrespecting you. You can express anger, anger. But, Mom wants to ask You, what do you do when you get angry? Will you fight with her? Or fight with her? Or will you just ignore her?"
Yoyo answered honestly; "I don't know."
I said: "Actually, my mother doesn't know what to do. Because the specific situation is different, if it is a small matter, just ignore her; if the situation is more serious, you can also refute her and tell her that what you said is wrong, You talk nonsense. It's all up to your own thoughts and attitudes. But there's a diamond rule that Mommy wants you to remember."
"what?"
"Any time someone says you're annoying, that you're not good, whether or not your mom is there to encourage you, don't take her word. Remember that you're great, great, unique. This is confidence in yourself, you must have it at all times, understand?"
Yoyo seemed to understand, but still replied obediently: "Understood mom."
After the heart-to-heart talk before going to bed, I gently patted her and her sleeping brother, listening to their gradually even and long breathing, ah, this day is finally over.
Why are you discussing this with Yoyo? This is because I think that in the family education of children, in addition to the training of skills, knowledge, sense of responsibility, etc., there is also a very important point, which is "heart training".
What is "training of the mind"? There is a very classic poem in the Indian epic "Mahabharata", "Bhagavad-gita", which contains this record:
The eternal individual soul in the body of all beings is indeed a part of me, which resides in the essence or body and activates the six senses, including the sixth sense organ, the mind.
The living body uses the six senses of eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind to enjoy various sense objects. The ignorant cannot perceive the living being out of the body or in the body...but the one who has the eye of self-knowledge can see.
My understanding of this passage is that human beings experience the world not only through the five senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and body), but through the "six senses", and the sixth sense is our heart. Of course, sometimes it's called soul, mind, or something else, but I'd like to concretize it in two words: "feeling."
That is to say, the "heart" is not what we think, not the result of rational thinking and logical calculation, but the feeling that is surging in our hearts.
For example, when you see the weak, do you feel sympathy or indifference;
When you are humiliated by others, do you feel angry or calm;
When you are in danger, do you feel fear or calm;
When you want to achieve a goal, you can only feel the stimulation of the goal, or you can also experience whether you are cowardly or determined in your heart.
Not everyone can control their "heart" very well.
Some people have a successful career but still feel spiritually empty; some people clearly have a happy family but can't find their own value; some people are obviously approaching the end of their goals, but they give up because of reasons that are inconceivable to outsiders. , is your own heart.
In recent months, the development and control of the epidemic has changed the pace of life of many people, and many people's inner anxiety and fear have skyrocketed;
Or, in the face of complex problems that cannot be solved at the moment, some people unconsciously fill their time with games or other things. They think that if they don’t face their hearts, they will no longer feel pain.
However, just like the other five senses, if you don't drink water, your mouth will dry out, if you are blindfolded for a long time, your eyesight will deteriorate. With such a heart, how can it be possible to obtain inner happiness?
So, when the kids are very young, I often remind them to pay attention to their feelings:
Are you happy now? Are you a little sad? Or do you feel otherwise? What do you need your mom to do to make you feel better?
The road ahead is long, and life is impermanent. I don’t know what setbacks and challenges children will face in the future, and how to deal with them. I’m not a firm theist either. I think that with a certain religious belief, life can be free from some kind of misery, and forever free from pain and sorrow.
The body is fragile, the world is unpredictable, the only thing I hope is that the child can grow up like Felicity, become brave, confident, and strong, train a heart to be strong and soft, passionate and peaceful, and thus be armored, Run to where she wants to go.
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