[Kevin and Marcus approach the desk at the hotel, disguised as Brittany and Tiffany, respectively. "Brittany"'s fake breasts knock over multiple items on the desk]
Kevin Copeland:
Sorry. Um... um... They're new. Dr. Dorfman did an *amazing* job.
Marcus Copeland:
[squeezes "Brittany"'s breast]
They feel *so* real.
Agent Jake Harper:
Hi. I, I, um... I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please.
Kevin Copeland:
["Brittany" takes "her" I.D. out of "her" handbag and realizes it has Kevin's information and photo on. "She" quickly thinks and acts offended]
Credit card? I.D.? I'm *so* freakin' pissed*! First of all, I go to Dr. Dorf and he totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow... I get off the surgery table looking like freakin' *Shrek*! Then I get *here*, and Mr. *Harper* makes me feel like I'm some dumb blonde with fake boobs going to a Hugh Hefner party!
Agent Jake Harper:
No, I-I didn't mean to offend you; it's just, it's... it's protocol!
Kevin Copeland:
I'm gonna have a B.F.!
Marcus Copeland:
Oh, my God... She's gonna have a bitch fit!
Agent Jake Harper:
No, no, no, d-d-don't have a-a-a B.F. now.
Kevin Copeland:
I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!
Marcus Copeland:
[to Harper]
You are in *big* trouble!
Kevin Copeland:
[Agitated, "Brittany" grabs a pen and a sheet of paper and starts writing]
Dear... Mr... Royal... Hampton. I... am... a... *white*... woman... in... America.
Section Chief Elliott Gordon:
[appears]
Ladies, is there a problem here?
Marcus Copeland, Kevin Copeland:
Yes.
Agent Jake Harper:
No! Sir, no, no, there's... there's no problem.
Section Chief Elliott Gordon:
These are two of our VIP guests. Issue them keys. Immediately.
Agent Jake Harper:
[nods nervously]
Yes, sir.
Marcus Copeland:
[to Harper]
V. I. P. Learn your acronyms, okay?
Kevin Copeland:
[to Gordon after he hands the "girls" room cards]
What a sweetheart!
Section Chief Elliott Gordon:
Enjoy your stay.
Kevin Copeland:
Has anyone ever told you you look *just* like Denzel Washington?
Section Chief Elliott Gordon:
[laughing]
Yeah, actually I have heard it once... or twice.
Kevin Copeland:
What a beautiful chocolate man! Beautiful!
["Brittany" and "Tiffany" walk away giggling; Gordon and Harper exchange puzzled looks]
