Most people go through their whole lives, Marianne thought, without ever really feeling that close with anyone.
from Normal People by Sally Rooney
Normal People is my favorite show of the year. I started reading Sally Rooney's original novel some time ago, so I read the drama again. When I watched the show for the first time, I was often angry with Connell's scumbag behavior - this person is selfish, realistic, afraid of responsibility, and Marianne still loves him so much? I often wonder, why exactly? What shaped the personalities and behaviors of these two men, and what led to their close and inaccessible relationship?
After reading the novel, many doubts when watching the drama were answered, and because there were more details in the book, I began to try to understand these two people.
You will see what a person really looks like in front of the person you like, the jubilant state of Marianne and Connell when they are together, always like a little girl, full of quips, as if she thinks she is the smartest person in the world. The huge contrast is that she broke up with Gareth, so arrogant and aggressive.
Going to college can be said to be an important turning point in the change of the relationship between the two. University is undoubtedly a more suitable place for Marianne, her intelligence and talent can be fully displayed, of course, there is also a solid family behind her. Connell is against the ease in high school. He does not have such a strong personality, and is often overwhelmed by his incompatibility, coupled with the inferiority complex caused by the financial burden.
With the growth of age, the inner fragility of the two people has not disappeared because of this. I think this is also the biggest obstacle that has always been between them. Marianne's formal boyfriends, including Gareth, Jammy, and later Lukas in Sweden, had a lot in common: extremely controlling and egotistical. Marianne can only feel safe from a masochistic relationship, and in the eyes of these men, Marianne is too lowly to be loved, they never really care and love Marienne, they just want to possess her. Only Connell, he treats Marianne tenderly from the bottom of his heart, but he seems to be too careful and cautious, less protective and possessive as a man.
One of these two people does not recognize themselves from the heart, and does not think that they are worthy of being loved, so it is difficult to know how to love others. When Connell was frustrated, Marianne had a hard time comprehending his subtle emotions, and didn't know how to comfort and help him. Sometimes, her sly voice accidentally hit Connell's sensitive nerves. The other cared too much about other people's eyes. One of the questions Connell has been struggling with is how other people will view his relationship with Marianne, because Marianne was unpopular in high school, and Connell doesn't want to lose his circle of friends because of their relationship. Even Connell himself said later that nobody really cared, but the damage he had done to Marianne was beyond repair.
After so many years, these two people have experienced so many things. Their close relationship goes beyond friends and lovers. The familiarity and tacit understanding they have slowly built up, from cowardice to having the courage to stand up for each other, from negation. Make your own decisions. Two normal people (translated into normal people or ordinary people), two independent individuals, with the trauma and marks from two incomplete families, grow up together until they can finally face each other calmly. to yourself.
This is also what I understand about intimacy.
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