I can't escape - Non possum fugere.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

I can't escape being in love with you.

They are so new to each other.

Héloïse lives in the monastery all year round, not only can he endure Marianne's strict rules and regulations, but it is even sweeter than her mother's arbitrary home. She longs to run, but it is as luxurious as the equality and freedom she seeks; she loves to read, but she doesn't even have a book at home; she loves music, but she can only sing at mass, and only listen to church pipe organ. She had so much anger and unwillingness, no one said anything and was powerless to resist.

What about Marianne? She is free and independent by nature, unrepentant, dares to face the waves to find drawing boards in the sea, dares to steal naked male models, and can't stay in a monastery for a day; Consider marriage a necessity in life. She can climb ladders with hammers, wear skirts and pockets, and is exquisite in painting but cannot have a name.

When such a person breaks into Héloïse's world, stares at her relentlessly, says he can understand her, plays the piano for her - although the intense stare is a professional necessity, although he understands her but also deceives her, although he plays The level is lackluster, how can Héloise not fall. Marianne is so free, so new, and the only companion on the island. She loves reading and music as much as she does, and is eager to help the little maid; she lives the life she yearns for, but she has the same rebellious flame in her heart.

This flame is far more similar to Héloïse. She is not the puppet in the first portrait, she is the burning maiden in the painter's gaze, imbued with the "life force" that Marianne values ​​most. Héloïse is always asking questions, all kinds of questions that are easy to answer and hard to answer; she makes maids embroider and cut vegetables herself; she reads aloud and plays cards as hard as she can. Probably because Héloïse was obsessed with observing the pure and passionate Héloïse, Marianne was unaware that she had also become the object of the other person's gaze. After she noticed it, it was difficult to distinguish whether she was projecting the painter's gaze or the gaze of her lover.

"If you are looking at me, who am I looking at?"

From the moment you appeared in my sight, whether you were in front of you or in the horizon, outside the painting or in the painting, I was destined to stare at you for the rest of my life.

I can't escape my destiny.

Héloïse would not have returned home if her sister had not died; if she had not resisted the marriage, the first male painter would have succeeded, and her mother would not have invited Marianne.

Marianne came to the island to paint a portrait of Héloïse before her marriage. If she hadn't married, Marianne would never have met her.

If Héloïse doesn't leave Marianne behind after the first portrait fails, she can force her mother to find another genius. At that time, this might have given her a considerable period of time to delay the fate of marrying abroad.

But she didn't. She promised to cooperate with Marianne, bid farewell to her mother obediently, and gave up resisting fate like a moth to the flame, just to stay with her beloved for just five more days. And then she wasn't sure whether her lover loved her as well.

Fortunately, staring is a two-way street, and so is love. But the love that started because of everything that was destined was also destined to end.

Does Marianne have the courage? have. Did Marianne have the courage to let Héloïse abandon her family, sacrifice the rest of her life, and join her in a dark future? no. She could be alone for the rest of her life, but she couldn't let Héloïse make the same choice.

It was an era when the female voice was inaudible. They jumped off the cliff without a hint of exclamation. They were the portraits hanging on the walls of the husband's house, and they were art with male names. They are the daughters of parents, the wives of husbands, the mothers of children, the security of the family hierarchy, but not themselves. If they really choose to elope, and they are no longer daughters, wives and mothers, I am afraid that not only their voices, but even their existence will be erased from that era.

So don't blame them why they never fought. Making this encounter an episode in their lives was the only option—Orpheus had a choice, Marianne didn't. All Héloïse can do is call his lover back one last time.

"And I decide. Not you."

My destiny is not up to me. But that doesn't mean I'm not me - God doesn't let me love you, but I must love you.

I can't escape the deep thoughts.

Marianne smiled and said to the students, you painted me so sad, I am not so sad anymore.

Then why hide the painting in the storage room, even when I mention its name, I can't stop the tears. Have you been sad for a long time, so sad that you are used to it, forgetting what life would be like if you hadn't met that burning woman.

We have no way of knowing whether Marianne, who was listening to Vivaldi's Xia and outside her gaze, burst into tears. We also have no way of knowing how Héloïse feels every day facing the portrait he and his lover co-create, holding the child by his hand.

Marianne is lucky, she can hide the painting in an invisible place, and also has the opportunity to confirm the two-way of missing. For Héloïse, her own portrait hangs prominently as a reminder of her lover's absence. And she used to be the girl who felt her absence all afternoon without Marianne's company.

But she was still Marianne's love, the brave, full of life Héloïse. In the portrait that reflects the wealthy life of the Milanese lady, the mother's kindness and the filial piety, she insists on holding the shabby purple-bound book and insisting on asking the artist to add page numbers. Perhaps she thought that her lover was an excellent painter with artistic ideals, and she might see it.

The lover said don't regret it, just remember - you see, I remember. I always remember it.

Marianne must also remember many years ago afternoons when Héloïse smoked a pipe borrowed from her and asked her the question: "To be free is to be alone?"

The answer before meeting you was "yes". After meeting you, the answer can no longer be "yes".

Without you I will never be free.

I will never be free of you. I will never be free of the thought of you.

But if there is a chance to do it all over again, I think Marianne will still sit on the bumpy boat without hesitation, knock on the door of the old house, and hug the destined lover.

"Retourne-toi."

The most poetic choice stems from the most lasting and deep love.

When is the writing finished?

Just stop at a certain point.

Fin.

postscript:

I don't want to run away.

After several days of watching frame by frame, second by second, day and night, I hit the keyboard, trying to escape from this captivating movie and this heartbreaking love.

However, I only produced this pale text that can't write one ten thousandth of my inner tremor. I can never escape.

Thanks to her for letting me see this movie. Thank you for reading this.

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