I choose us

Kate: [about the apartment] So, what's the big surprise? You didn't rent this for the weekend, did you?

Jack: Think bigger.

Kate: For the week?

Jack: This place is a perk, Kate.

Kate: A perk? For what?

Jack: A company called PK Lassiter investment house. Uses it to attract new executives. I'm going into arbitrage, Kate. It turns out, I have an act for it.

Kate: Jack, what are you talking about?

Jack: I'll be making twice what I make now, plus a hefty bonus and that's just the start. And we can live in this apartment practically rent free until we find a place of our own.

Kate: Are you out of your mind?

Jack: I don't think so. This is gonna be a better life for us. We can put Annie and Josh into private schools...

Kate: Annie goes to a great school, Jack.

Kate: I'm talking about the best schools in the country here, Jack.

Kate: Jack, what could you possibly thinking about? What about my - what about my job?

Jack: Well, this is New York City. It's like the needy people capital of the world. Your Jersey clients aren't a tenth as pathetic as the ones you could find here.

[laughs]

Kate: I can't even believe you're talking about moving back into the city, Jack. I thought the reason that we left was because we didn't want to raise the kids here.

Jack: No. No. This is the center of the universe. If I were living in Roman times, I would be in Rome. Where else? Today America is the Roman empire. New York is Rome itself. - John Lennon.

Kate: Jack!

Jack: Listen, Ok, you know something? I'm detecting, like, a funky tension here and this was supposed to be a happy day, so guess what? I don't need this. We don't have to live here. Forget it. I'll commute. I'll drive to work.

Kate: God! In traffic, Jack. It's over an hour each way. That's like three hours every day. When are you ever going to see the kids?

Jack: Kate. You're not understanding me. I'm talking about a perfect life, a great life. Everything we pictured when we were young. The whole package. You said so yourself. Life is throwing us a few surprises and we made sacrifices. Well, guess what? Now I can finally get us back on track. I can do that, Kate. I want to do that. I-I need to do that as a man! For all of us. Please just think about this for one second. No more lousy restaurants. No more clipping coupons. No more shoveling snow.

Kate: Then get a goddamn snowblower, Jack! Don't go get a new career without even telling me about it! And don't - don't take Annie out of a school she loves and don't move us out of a house we've become a family in.

Jack: You're-you're... Don't you see? I'm talking about us finally having a life that other people envy.

Kate: Jack. They already do envy us.

Jack: Do you have any idea what my life is like?

Kate: Excuse me?

Jack: I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva. I drop the kids off, spend 8 hours selling tires retail. Retail, Kate. I pick the kids up, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap. I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get 6 hours of sleep if I'm lucky and then everything starts all over again. So-so what's in it for me? Wh-where are my-my Mary Janes?

Kate: You know, it's sad to hear that your life is such a disappointment to you.

Jack: I can't believe it isn't a disappointment to you! Jesus, Kate. I could've been a thousand times the man I became. I could have been one of the richest - Forbes - How could you do this to me? How could you let me give up on my dreams like this? Really, I want to know.

Kate: Who are you?

Jack: All right, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was such a saint before, and I'm such a *prick* now! But maybe, I'm just not the same guy that I was when we got married.

Kate: You know what? Maybe you're not. Because the Jack Campbell I married would not need a $2,400 suit to feel better about his life. But I'm telling you, if that's what it's gonna take, then buy it. Jesus! We'll take the money out of the kids' college fund.

Jack: [takes jacket off] Forget it. We'll get a funnel cake. It'll be the highlight of my week.