It's three o'clock in the morning and I've finished this season in less than a day. So many themes are packed in thirteen episodes, as packed as our daily life. We're troubled by love, by friendship, by identity, by belief, by illness...troubled by life and troubled by death. There's simply no escape. This is a story of coming to terms with whatever that's troubling you. The truth is never easy and it takes guts to face it, not to mention to confront or make peace. As troubled as we are, somehow most of us manage to get by.
Traditional funerals are all about rituals and procedures intended to show respect and dignity for the dead. This is true both in the US and here in China. Procedures are strictly followed. Same old depressing music, same old religious ceremonies. I doubt any of us know why we're all following them. I guess formalities are useful in that they create fixed orders for grieving families to follow without having to spare too much attention on minute details. They also represent social agreements about how a community should honor the deceased.
But formalities invariably lead to rigidity and free expressions of emotions are often discouraged. I grew up in a traditional family where emotions are not encouraged to be displayed, similar to the Fisher family. We did communicate unavoidable intimate thoughts and emotions at times, but more often than not, love and emotions came in the form of actions. Dad could be investing a ton of time picking me up and sending me to school, while Mom always made sure that our daily life was taken good care of. We all suck at talking about our awkward emotions and complicated feelings, and would take rounds of guessing and stipulations before coming to an understanding.
We live with secrets and keep our most intimate thoughts to ourselves. We mess up in our own secret way and distrust any attempt for a deeper connection. We even shut ourselves out and refuse to accept who we are because formalities are telling us that what we 're feeling is wrong, even who we are is wrong. Undertakers take care of death, one of the most formidable natural forces that call upon strong emotions in all humanity. Do we set up an intricate system of rituals to check these emotions; or do we have the courage to express them as we want, knowing that this doesn't make us any weaker and less human, but much stronger and authentic?
I want to live honestly and truthfully, even though I'm still so far behind and am trying to turn away from the part of me that is by no means trivial. That part is essential and defining. Sometimes I feel like I care too much about useless things, among them social perceptions and formalities. I remember Diane at the final season in Bojack Horseman. She used to be so hard on herself and kept pushing herself and her life to be the ideal notion of who she wanted to be. After multiple failures, she went on antidepressants and cared so much less. She put on some weight and started writing things as she liked, not as she or the society expected. And she's so much happier since.
This life that we're having now is troubling enough. Ripped of all pretensions and coverups, life in truth could be outright cruel. But that doesn't mean we should simply shut our mouths for a lifetime and by the time of our death, not even those closest to us know who we are. What a shame, to come to this world without building true connections.
The season finale ended with a cliche that the meaning of our destiny to die is to appreciate this troubling everyday life. True. You never know when you're gonna die. You might be on your daily routine, expecting to come home and stay with your family. Then out of nowhere an accident or an illness could take you away. Or you and your family could be living for such a long time without ever telling each other what you're truly feeling and thinking.
I don't want to risk my chance. Neither do I want to live untruthfully. In his standup special "The Great Depresh", Gary Gulman ended the show with this note: life, it's every single day. Indeed. We don't have much time left. Stay true and be honest. Love, feel, think, live, every single day.
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