Today I share a movie "System Destroyer". The story is not complicated. A child's family broke down. She followed her mother, but her mother was unable to take care of her all the time and entrusted her to various welfare agencies. But the child was very naughty and often mischievous, and was blacklisted by many institutions; later in an institution, she met a very patient teacher who was very gentle to her, brought her into nature, taught her to understand people, and even took her to Meet the mom she always wanted to be with. So, I thought this was another touching story of probation, but this movie didn't. The child has become dependent on the teacher, and even has the possessiveness of using quotation marks, so he has a little tangled emotion for the teacher's child. Until she was stimulated and almost threatened the life of the teacher's child, the teacher's family drove the child away in order to ensure the safety of her child. Children are still mischievous and unrestrained, do not listen to any persuasion, and cannot communicate with any child or adult normally.
In the end, the movie did not give a clear ending, as if it just threw the problem: there are some people in this society who cannot fit into the existing system rules, and the movie calls these people "system destroyers". Here are my feelings:
1 Is our so-called acceptance of children a conditional acceptance?
We often say that we have to be patient with children, we have to accept children, we have to encourage children's curiosity, and we have to be kind to children. But in fact, we should admit that in some cases we may not be able to do it. When we say these words, we are not in an equal relationship with our children, but our role as life mentors looks down on our children, and even says yes There are strong expectations to look at children. Children, I love you, I am good to you, you will give you everything you want, but you have to be obedient, study hard, honor your parents, and whatever you want, we often treat children not unconditionally, but There are strong demands. Sometimes we're just filling a hole in ourselves, or we're trying to prove that we're good parents, that we know how much we know life, that we can control another person's life, or in other words, if we were another person's world , then how important are we. Many times, children are just the medium of our appeal, the medium to satisfy our almighty narcissism. Are we really all for our children? Not necessarily, but once I put my actions in the name of love and for your own good, I can blatantly control you. So when the child did not give a positive response as we expected, we tried to escape from our "incompetence" - since I can't attribute it to my incompetence, it can only be attributed to the child's fault, so the bear children come more and more The more "bear". In fact, children hope that adults can see themselves through "bear", and also through "bear" to prove that I am an independent individual and do not listen to others. So the relationship between us and our children is antithetical, and we can no longer see each other as they really are.
2 Is our so-called acceptance of others in society a form of narcissism?
Society has rules, but it is difficult for some people to fit into the rules. For example, when it comes to LGBTQ, people of different skin colors, or even different genders, when we face social rules, we are bound to be impacted by different ideas. As a result, we can witness it from the current world. Sometimes we say I can accept LGBTQ, we can accept different skin color, actually I want to say, do we accept or not have to do with each other? When we say this, is there a subtext, I and you both live in this society, I understand the social rules, but you don't understand, it doesn't matter, I can tolerate what you don't understand, and I respect you. Did you find it? It’s similar to how adults treat children. You and I are not equal at all. My acceptance of you actually means that I pity you and forgive you. We want to discover our own superiority through this comparison. , I am afraid most of our starting point is still in ourselves. Just like a movie, if the other party really did something that you couldn't understand, would you still say respect? So in the face of different social groups, our tolerance is actually very limited. The human brain is a very lazy structure, so making the world black and white is the most energy-efficient way. Although we realize that sometimes this should not be the case, our behavior often does not escape the limitations of our own understanding. And for that reason, I have a lot of respect for a lot of things that really talk about racial rights.
3 Can we really accept it?
This third point is the heaviest thinking this movie gave me, I still don't have an answer, and I don't even think there will be an answer in the future. The question is, when our children persist over time, when communication has not been effective, and when our good intentions are returned with malice, can we still maintain acceptance? Should we still be accepting? Wouldn't it be more practical to take a step back and lock up such a child or control her freedom?
For example, if a person is domestically abused, he tries to communicate well but still faces domestic violence. At this time, should this person accept domestic violence as the norm and continue to live like this? This can be a choice, but we need to know that there is another choice: to leave the domestic violence person and start a new life of our own. We need to know that there are differences between people, and some people just can't communicate with each other. It is easier to communicate with someone who is easy to communicate with, rather than using a proven failure method to infer other failures, which is even more common What's wrong is that we fantasize about transforming each other, especially in intimate relationships, so the conflict continues to escalate until it gets out of hand.
Then someone will say, if I leave him like this, what will he do? ——What he does is his business, can you take care of yourself? - but I love him. I want to say, then can you accept domestic violence? No, then how can you talk about loving this domestic violence person? You love only a part of him, only the part you love conditionally; or you love your superiority as a savior, and your relationship satisfies your narcissism. So repeat: Can you accept domestic violence? Yes, then that's fine. One is willing to fight and the other is willing to suffer. This is the point of finding a tacit understanding, and it also solves the problem of what to do with him. What will he do if you leave him? He will find someone who is right for him. This is my thinking about the fatal contradiction in relationships in general.
If this movie is included, I will not be able to educate this bear child well. I have to admit that my ability is limited, so I can hand the child to someone who is more capable to educate. Maybe this is the only answer. You may ask, but what if there is no such person? Then I also ask, what if there is such a person? Suppose a person is hit by a car on the road and his head is broken and he asks you for help, but you are just an ordinary person and not a doctor, then you should immediately search the Internet for how to treat the car hit and take up the sustenance you have been given. ? Or should you call 110 immediately to find a doctor and hand over the injured person to a more professional person? So this situation in the movie, like that kind teacher, he has done everything he can, does he still need to sacrifice his own children to try to save this system destroyer? Of course not.
But that's just one situation, and there's another situation that I can't give an answer to, which is: what if the child who couldn't integrate into society was his own child? Of course, from the point of view of the movie, we can criticize the children's original family for such and such problems, but the reality is that many children are not invited but forced to come to this world. The reality is that some parents will not be and do not want to learn As parents, these people are likely to raise system disruptors, or children are born with system disruptors due to possible problems such as genetics, and even children may be a burden to them. So what do these parents do if the bear kids are making trouble everywhere? Going a step further, if parents have done their best to take care of their children, but because of some points, they still fail to take into account the development of system saboteurs, or children are born to be system saboteurs, then what should parents do? They go to doctors to find relevant research, so what about their lives? For me, this is a difficult question to answer. If this is the case, parents who love their children will probably have to give up all kinds of solutions in their lives. Thinking of this situation makes me very sad and hopeless.
This is the third point I want to ask, can we really accept it? Do we really need to fully accept it? But I don’t know if you have noticed the logical problem of my third point. My starting point is that my parents are still me. I don’t have the courage to change my perspective. In fact, when I want to ask, a child is facing a society that is out of tune with him. At that time, what should he do? Does he have to be what society dictates? Is this the only way to be a normal person? What is a normal person? Are most people normal? Are elite managers just normal people? If we can choose, where is the balance between keeping ourselves and letting go of ourselves to integrate into society, for you, for me, for each of us?
In the end I can only be thankful that I'm not exactly a system saboteur, but I know there's a restless system saboteur living inside me too, but most of the time I can control it. Then, I would love to understand those system disruptors, I would love to understand the different groups in society, but it's often nothing but arrogance.
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