A reflective story is always a story worth reading.
I chose to watch this movie because the male protagonist’s life reminded me of my recent life with others, watching him rush through the city to new stimuli, watching him rudely and greedily begging for that moment of happiness on the bed , watching him spend lonely nights of celibacy one after another reminds me that after breaking up, when life was unsatisfactory, when he was in trouble and confusion, after accidentally starting a new exploration, he realized it in many new experiences. taste of yourself.
In the beginning, I had no plans to spend my youth and nights. It all started on a disturbed night. When I couldn't find anyone I wanted to talk to, I started to swipe left and right, and started an inappropriate conversation uncontrollably. When it happened, I felt guilty, but also very emotional and irrational. The content of the conversation made it easy for me to continue to develop and be happy along the flow. And I confessed to my boyfriend not long after it happened that we were not lying or hiding. He wasn't that angry, at least at the time, and he even got excited about it. After that, things got very messy, we discussed an open relationship, he even set six rules for us, but he changed his mind very quickly, he told me to stop chatting with that person, I ended up doing it, but we I still broke up. From the beginning, I was very reluctant to try my best to keep it, and then I was confused and chose to be single. I said, I need time to figure out what I really want. It was weeks later, when we were apart and seemed to be back together. During this time, I also realized that what I want is not an open relationship, but a relationship that is always new, always fresh, always warm and calm and loving each other without getting tired of each other. But is there really such a love? I think he is more like my relatives, like a child I want to live with and take good care of.
I started to meet new people, and I started to have a lot of good and bad but all new feelings. The first time was not so difficult. He was a very good person, and he was so handsome and fit that he burst. Everything happened naturally. The second time was not so difficult. When I was greedy, I sent an invitation to the other party and went to the appointment. It was only once that I didn't like this person so much. the taste of. Since then, there have been many different experiences. At first, I thought it was a very interesting experience. Everyone has their own cuteness, and I enjoyed it. There are also times when I am unhappy. When I start to care, start to invest, start to have an illusion, start to be confused about the rules, and the other party doesn't follow the rules, there are times when I feel stuck. Has Apler ever felt this way?
I gradually realized what is really worth having. I talked to my friends about what we want to meet with new people is not sex at all but company, and my favorite is always the couple moments that we get along with. Want the freedom of celibacy when you've been with your partner for a long time, and want a deeper emotional connection when you're enjoying the uninhibited pleasure of being alone. And the most fulfilling and lasting meaningful joy is the genuine and deep connection with people. These are things I started to realize after meeting someone, and I had a lot of happy time with him. I didn't care that much at first. Like him, I probably just want a great time, and I'm still seeing other people. My only worry is that I'm too tired to go to different appointments in a row and I want a night alone. . It wasn't until I started to feel that we were getting closer and that after a good weekend, I didn't want to see anyone else anymore, I just wanted to focus on him wholeheartedly. There is a saying that compared to being liked by many people, the most difficult thing is to focus on one person.
But it's not easy at all. In fact, he also said that when I said sweet things to him, he said do not fall in love, and when we chatted, he said sorry for being a bad long term investment. I also told him then that I wouldn't, that I wasn't expecting anything. But the mood has changed since then, and the change has not received the expected feedback. Once you care more, you expose yourself to make yourself vulnerable. I started to be disappointed, depressed, anxious and jealous, so when I had a lot of unpleasant moments, I started to feel awkward and twisted. Luckily it didn't last long, I finally talked to him about it two weeks later and he said he expected this too, our lives are so full of uncertainty right now, Not knowing where he will be in the future, he said he built a wall in his heart, he said he was like an animal whose shells would shrink, he said he had no heart. This is in line with what I expected, and I think this conversation is a very brave and mature thing. He put his arms around me and said that he felt sorry for me, that he didn't want to disappoint me and had to do it, he said that he felt that I was willing to have a long-term stable relationship, and he always ran away from the relationship. I think I feel better after the chat. I'm a little sad, but everything is as I expected. It's better to confirm with him, and I won't let myself have unreasonable expectations. He also said something was confusing, he said no and we had so much time together and so much intimacy. Anyway, after the talk, I feel much better. I started to talk coldly with him, I wouldn't rush to reply to his news, and I wouldn't give priority to his news like I did later. I was always serious and responded promptly, and my mood began to fade. When I saw his photos before, his smile was obsessed and he wanted to kiss the screen uncontrollably. He looked at our group photos countless times and reminisced about the sweet mood. These are no longer there. You can calmly receive the message and put it away for a while before replying or not replying. You can no longer jokingly tell him a lot of sweet things without worrying about the consequences. When I saw his eyes in the mirror this morning when I was brushing my teeth, it felt like an attractive deep pool that made me drowning in it.
Apler said that he doesn't want anyone to enter his life and he doesn't want to enter anyone's life. I think the same is true of people I meet. They are very unacceptable to be entered or enter other people's lives, so I also feel lonely because he doesn't let others come close. It’s true that allowing our emotions to express and flow makes us vulnerable and vulnerable, but this creates an emotional bond, brings each other closer, and allows two souls to cuddle and warm to each other.
You said I have a big heart, you said you do not have heart, then may I lend you a piece of my heart so you can use it to feel the world? If anything hurts, it is okay, because it is my heart there to protect you.
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