I don't have too many black dresses. Wear so thin. It was as cold as being in a morgue.
But everything is so good. I actually only owe a pair of pockets. Hide your hands.
By the way, do you remember the black hat you wore when you went to the Venice Film Festival? Your taste in clothing that year was worthless. That year, you were so young, but so unhappy, and you have run out of time. At that time you just left the important person in your life. The people present recalled: "He didn't want to stay in that place at all." You still talked about your plans and vision in front of the reporter. But you are obviously someone who only conceived for a week. Yes, you learned not to confront reporters at that time. Because you need silence too much.
I also need to be quiet. And it's very quiet. So I bought a black hat that looks very similar to yours. Hide all the sadness.
January 22, 2008. Everything is still in the mist and ambiguous. There are only a few photos you took on the set of "Dr. Parnassos's Fantasy Show". But they are all made public. One of them is impossible to look directly at. That is a picture of you hanging yourself with your eyes closed. Even knowingly it is false. But the photo still cuts the hearts of countless people.
I can't actually make so-called correct judgments about this movie. When you first appeared in the play, you were hanging under the bridge, not awake. Still that tall and wearing a white suit. The length of the hair is still the same as when playing a clown. The still picture that was released two years ago at the time. Somehow, when I saw you, I couldn't stop crying.
This is your last day. Still so young, but so unhappy, and unhealthy, and there is not much time. At that time, you did not sleep overnight. You sleep on sleeping pills. The weather in London keeps you cold. Wearing striped socks, woolen hat and gloves, you read the script sickly on the ground. You have a splitting headache. You said that at that time, in your mind, there was power that the Tao could not stop. Rampage. Your whole head is full of noise.
When you are on the screen, I have no way to watch the subtitles, no way to watch the people around you. You can't quit all your little moves. Raise your hand. Around. It's like a kiss when you slap someone. Only half-faced eyebrows. He closed his mouth and smiled when making suggestions, and the dimples grew three long like scars. The ventriloquism you learned for the clown still ran out uncontrollably at the end of the sentence. The director said that half of the words in the dialogue were improvised nonsense by yourself. I think those nonsense are like pearls that can be held in my hand.
There is a scene where Andrew Garfield sits with you by the river. It's night, and the neon in the distance stains half of your face. When he talked freely, I saw your fringe-colored eyes, drifting away, unable to concentrate, and distracted. You once said that when you are sad, you can sit on Mars and look at the earth. You can't actually see the pain, you can't see all this heavy and unbearable, everything is actually so small. I looked at you in "Pa", and I wanted to drag you to outer space immediately. Or we won't see the war inside you again.
But how can I. I don't have that kind of ability. What's more, you are so beautiful in the night.
Once we called you sunshine. Once you belonged to the daytime. When did it start? You look so beautiful and appropriate at night. The night has become your country.
Every second goes by, I don't know how much you have left in the scene. Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law will play you in the mirror. This is something I knew two years ago. Every second I am afraid that you will run into the mirror again and never return. I don't cry anymore. I need clear eyes to remember all this. All three of them try to imitate you. They have done a good job. Coupled with the confusion of makeup, movements and special effects, it can be mixed with eyes at a glance. But Jude Law's eyes are too blue. Colin Farrell's face can't be corrected. Sometimes I wish my eyes didn't see so clearly. The best performer is Depp. Unfortunately, it happens to be the least part of the scene.
When Johnny Depp played, the script deliberately added the small tombstones of Valentino, Diana, and James, floating on the Heihe River. They are all young dead. Johnny Depp's dialogue is a eulogy for you. "Yes, they are dead, but they are immortal." "They will not be sick or old, they will always be young and beautiful." "Nothing will last forever, and death is no exception." When talking about those dialogues, his eyes were so wet. The glowing light. He recalled that when he took the film, you continued to inspire them to rewrite the story. They said: "Heath is still on the scene."
At the end of the film, he said that this is "A Film by Heath Ledger and His Friends". There is also a still picture to commemorate you. Thank you, thank your family. Until there was only darkness left, the phone ringing in your movie rang. That's the ringtone of the phone in "We are the Children of the World". Constantly ringing, ringing in different corners. It seems that you are hiding somewhere in the cinema. As if you can no longer, pick up the receiver. It seems that you are just stubbornly reluctant to answer the phone.
Terry Gilliam recalled that the last sentence you said on the set was: "Don't shoot the messenger."
I climbed onto the bus without a rear mirror and bumped home. Yes, Don't shoot the messenger. In my heart, endlessly, I recite this sentence silently. It's like a spell. But this mantra is not conservative, wishing, cursing or praying, it is not even a gem or pearl. It is just, Don't shoot the messenger.
(Written on January 22, 2010)
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