"Assassination Stronghold": The most amateur showdown in history
says that a certain producer has an appointment with a certain director and a certain screenwriter Kan Dashan.
Producer: "The two boys have not seen each other for a long time. What are you up to?" The
director sneered, "The Paper Man cursed the director of "The Bourne"." The
screenwriter gritted his teeth: "Call the "24" screenwriter to harass. "The
producer sighed: "When it comes to these two films, my buddy, I'm not even angry. They are all spies, and they all shoot the spies professionally, but they all turned out to be thieves. Agents have always been the dream of our three brothers! If you
don’t pay attention, they will be robbed by someone!" Director: "It doesn’t matter, we can also shoot. Isn’t it an agent? Isn’t it a professional? Let’s shoot this time. Thief agents, professional thieves! Let’s get all of "The Bourne Shadow" and "24"! Let's make the most professional agent movie!"
Producer: "My first buddy combined "Alien" with "Predator" made an "AVP" together, let's have a "BVB" or "JVJ", Jason Bourne of "The Bourne" vs. Jack Bauer of "24", referred to as "BB" or " "JJ"."
Screenwriter: "Big Brother, this is a wonderful plan!"
Director: "But we can't afford Matt Damon. People are now the big names."
Producer: "Can't please Bourne, can't afford to please Is Bourne’s opponent? Which one of Bourne’s opponents is the best?"
Screenwriter: "Of course it was the guy who played the car chase and played Bourne half-life in the third episode, and almost killed Bourne in the end, but still let him go. "The
producer started to shoot the case: "It's going to be him! In addition to the secret agents in "The Bourne", what is the most awkward thing?"
Director: "Chasing a car, chasing a car, chasing a car!! Moreover, there must be a car that is smashed, and it is the kind that can't die if a car is smashed!"
Producer: "Very good. So we There must be a super passionate car chase. The problem of "The Bourne" is solved, what is there on "24"?"
Director: "Kiefer Sutherland of "24" hasn't mixed well recently. This kid went in and was just released. I think we have to move him!" (Note: "24" Jack Bauer actor Kiefer Sutherland spent a few days in jail for driving under the influence of alcohol.)
Screenwriter: "But we are a step slower again. This Jack Bauer has been snatched by the "First Level Alert" to take a guest appearance."
Producer: "I'm not afraid. The original version is used up. Why don't we find a pirated one? They? Apart from this Jack in the TV industry, which Jack is the most popular?"
Screenwriter: "Of course it is Dr. Jack Shephard in "LOST"." (Note: Jack Shephard, the protagonist of the popular American TV series "LOST", played by Matthew Fox ) The
producer started filming the case again: "This Jack is coming! In "24", what's the most distressed besides Jack?"
Director: "President! President of the United States! President of the United States with character! He is very ambiguous with agents and has character The president of the United States! There is no presidential drama, no ambiguous drama between the president and the agents, "24" can't be filmed for 24 hours, it's "12"!"
Producer: "Okay! We also have to have a president! American president! The American president with personality! He also has to have an affair with the agents!"
Screenwriter: "Don't forget the rape! The superb thing about "24" is that there will always be a rape, and you can never guess who it is!"
Producer: "We have to have rapes too! Our rapes must also be so that the audience will never guess. Then..., who is the rape?"
Director: "So far, who is the most like a good person? Who is the most like a good person, we will Who should be the rape!"
Screenwriter: "Of course it is Matthew Fox. In "LOST" he is not only a male pig's foot, but also a geeky doctor, and a standard hero."
Producer: "Then let him be a rape ! Then..., who on earth does he serve as a rape?" The
director sneered: "Of course it is a terrorist. Is there anything more exciting than turning a heartthrob into a running dog as a terrorist?"
Producer: "Very well" Good! We already have agents, terrorists, ambiguous presidents, gangsters, gangsters who can kill Bourne, and car chases! We can already shoot a very professional spy scene. Third brother, hands-on Write the script."
Screenwriter: "Wait! We are missing an important element!-Women! We don't have women yet!"
Producer: "...what do you do?"
Director: "Big brother, didn't you mention your buddies filming? What about "AVP"? As far as I know, there is no Schwarzenegger nor Sigourney Weaver in "AVP". As a result, the audience is very angry, the consequences are serious, and many rotten tomatoes were smashed. "AVP" It’s not done here, we can make it up in our "BVB", Lord Governor, please don’t move, we can ask the alien aunt
who is at home to come out of the mountain!" The producer started shooting the case for the third time: "A good idea! A good idea! Third brother, do it!" The
screenwriter pinched a finger and frowned, and said: "But count everything we thought of just now. If you die, it will only be enough to write a script for a TV series." The
director sneered: "The third brother must not have I have read the script written by your Chinese colleague Yao Qiong. If the lines are not enough, just break a line into eight lines. One action, if one shot is not enough, take eight shots. You can’t faint directly, but faint with happiness. I was fainted with intoxication, fainted with enjoyment','When I entered the dream garden, I was fainted; I saw a new house with bead curtains, I fainted; I saw the old castle, I fainted; I saw the lavender flower field, I still Dizziness; I am even more dizzy when I see the mountain city; anyway, I am dizzy.' After saying this and being approved by the actor, is there a reason why time is not enough?!"
The screenwriter suddenly realized: "Just do it, one line is divided into eight times, and one plot is divided into eight times. How can it last for an hour and a half."
-So everyone saw "Assassination Stronghold".
After watching "Assassination Stronghold" 5 minutes before the TV station director of the Alien Aunt’s skillful commanding and dispatching shots, and the wonderful performance of the live broadcast from the front and back of the podium, I exclaimed: "Professional!" But after watching it for an hour and a half after 5 minutes, I was exclaimed: "I was completely deceived"! It turns out that apart from the opening "professional show", not only are they unprofessional, they are simply super amateurs. From insignificant live reporters, agents, presidents, and terrorists, they are all very amateurs!
Then I thought back to the gorgeous "professional show" in the first 5 minutes, and the elements of special agents, anti-terrorism, car chases, etc. that appeared later, and suddenly realized that the original intention of the director of this film must be to make a very "professional" agent action. The film, because there are too many traces of "24" and "The Bourne" in the film, some of them are simply very obvious borrowings. And "24" and "The Bourne Shadow", two of the hottest spy-themed works in recent years, they have in common, and they are the most successful and the point that captures the audience the most, that is, they show the "special work" very well. Professional. So I'm pretty sure that "Assassination Stronghold" really wanted to make their own "The Bourne" or "24", but the effect was counterproductive. I wanted to show the professional standards of the agents (and their opponents), but all the characters were shown as amateurs: the
reporters were amateurs, and when they saw the president being assassinated, they would completely collapse into the camera. fail!
The agents are amateurs, and they are psychologically shadowed when they are exposed to a bullet, and the running speed is not as fast as the civilians when they are amateurs. fail!
The president is an amateur. From the amateur to the staff, he used his words as farts. From the amateur to the chief of staff, he had already arranged military operations before letting him know. fail!
The insider is an amateur. The amateur is not even noticed by the TV camera, and the amateur doesn't even know the simplest disguise. The amateur has become the fastest exposed insider in film history. fail!
The president’s security guards were amateurs. When they came to the hotel where the president was staying, there was an explosion without being alert. In the amateurs, dozens of secret services were quietly killed by a terrorist. fail!
The terrorists who killed the Secret Service were also amateurs. They were unbelievably slow to draw their guns (but the Secret Service opposite him were even more ridiculously slow, and they were simply possessed by John Woo). "It is important to give up the opportunity to take the president as a hostage." fail!
The terrorist leaders were also amateurs, so amateurs who had the courage to kidnap the President of the United States but did not have the courage to kill a little girl. Failure in failure!
——This scene was originally intended to be a professional agent vs. terrorist, and it became the most amateur showdown in history! So I made up the dialogue at the beginning, because the source of all amateur performance in the film is that the directors themselves are too amateurish.
Crazy Diamond
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