We all know the story of Robin Hood, and the Hollywood blockbuster "Robin Hood: Origin" is known as the most bloody legend of the year , and it is more suitable for taking children to the cinema. The film tells the origin story of why Robin Hood chose to be a Greenwood rogue. The film has a strong sense of rhythm, and the scenes are like "Fast and Furious", which is a fascinating and good film.
One of the most impressive lines in this movie is when John, the master of Arab archery, said to Robin Hood, "As long as you don't underestimate yourself, you will be invincible" . It was when Robin Hood came back from the Arabian battlefield, after experiencing a major change in the departure of his beloved and the looting of his wealth, he couldn't help but seriously doubt himself. John appeared in front of him and said this to him, let him He was full of courage and strength to move forward again.
In real life, we see that the current material conditions are getting better and better, but our children have been raised more and more squeamish. As parents, of course, we also want our children to have invincible courage and ability. If we don’t look down on ourselves, we must first have self-confidence, and self-confidence comes from the affirmation of our own abilities. In order to make children "not underestimate themselves", we must first let them believe that they are capable and that abilities can be cultivated. We can guide children from the following three aspects.
01 The Power of Hints: Every child is capable.
When Robin Hood was depressed because of the loss of his lover and property, John, who was once saved by Robin Hood, appeared, making Robin Hood believe that as long as he was trained, he could have the right to fight against the powerful, "As long as you don't look down on yourself, you will be invincible. ', which is what John said to Robin Hood at this time. His support gave Robin Hood the courage and confidence to fight again. Only by letting him believe that he is capable can he be more confident and overcome all difficulties that may arise. In psychology, there is an experiment called the "Rosenthal effect", which is also a power of positive suggestion.
In 1968, Professor Rosenthal came to a middle school. He selected a student from three classes from grade one to grade six, a total of 18 students, and did a so-called "Future Development Trend Test", telling the teacher. , these students are very promising, and 8 months later, he tested these 18 students again, this time the results show that these students are really outstanding due to the special attention of the teachers, they are confident, Capable, optimistic and cheerful, learn things quickly, and make great progress. And teachers are implied that these are the best students, so confidence and special attention to them is what makes the students progress. In fact, these students are just randomly selected, and the so-called test is just to hide from the public. Therefore , positive and positive cues are really useful for the growth of children.
Bernard Shaw said, "A person with self-confidence can turn the small into the great, and the mediocre into the magic." A child's self-confidence can have such great power. Because we have heard more than once that children who are affirmed by teachers have created miracles one after another. Taiwanese copywriter Li Xinpin has always disliked studying. Her high school teacher has always been very optimistic about her and encouraged her. In the last three months of the college entrance examination, she created a miracle, from a poor student to the first place in the college entrance examination class. . This is the power of confidence and encouragement.
How much do children yearn for the affirmation of their parents? The famous writer Sanmao published more than 10 popular books in his lifetime, which are widely circulated, and these books are also my collection. She was a rebellious child since she was a child, and she never heard a word of affirmation and encouragement from her father. But when she became famous, one day she heard her father's affirmation, and she burst into tears. A famous writer spent his life trying to get a word of affirmation from his father. So why not affirm the child from the moment it is born.
So in order to encourage children to have invincible courage and ability, what role should we parents play in our children's education? We need to be encouragers to develop a growth mindset in our children.
Carol Dweck's book "Growing for Life" is rich in examples, proving to children that we are all on the road to lifelong growth, and that with deliberate practice we can grow into what we want to be if we want to. to be like. So how can we encourage our children?
1. Recognize every effort of the child.
When the child has achieved some achievements, guide the child to think about what made these achievements, instead of rushing to give the child material rewards. In this way, children can gradually learn to summarize successful experiences and know some key methods on how to lead to success.
2, and children to avoid using negative language.
We should use less negative and intimidating language that begins with the word "no", and we should use more positive energy language. Negating the child from time to time will take away the child's courage and undermine the child's confidence. In fact, unknowingly, we also let our children learn to intimidate and threaten others.
3. Use satisfied eyes with children and give them a sense of security.
Only when children have a sense of security can they have the heart to explore the world. Harlow's famous rhesus monkey experiment proved that children only feel safe with a loving and warm monkey mother and like to be with her only. Teacher Lu Qin, an education expert, said that children can be encouraged by looking at their children with satisfaction.
02A clear goal: to enhance the child's motivation to move forward.
In order for children not to look down on themselves and to continue to gain motivation to move forward, clear goals are essential. Having a clear and great goal will bring people endless power, so you will not be bound by objective conditions, and you will try your best to accomplish your goal.
For revenge, and for the goal of robbing the rich and seeking the poor, Robin Hood's goal is very clear. This goal burns in his body, supporting him through difficult training, constantly breaking through his years, and spending every difficult moment. Difficulties.
Premier Zhou Enlai set up the goal of "studying for the rise of China" since he was a child, and Chairman Mao Zedong set up his ambition when he was eight years old, "if you don't become famous, you won't pay it back". If you don't want your child to be a muddleheaded person, help him set goals from an early age.
In order to encourage children to have invincible courage and ability, what role should we parents play in our children's education? We are to be discoverers: to help children find their purpose.
1. With the help of role models, help children find the benchmark.
It is suggested that we can accompany our children to watch some celebrity autobiographies and movies to see how other people's lives are like, so that we can think about what kind of person we want to be, and thus find a role model. For example, the film "Robin Hood: Origins" can give children some positive effects.
Another example is Victor Frankl's Living the Meaning of Life. Under the harsh environment of the Nazi concentration camps, Frankl survived with strong willpower. His goal at the time was to live. own meaning. The experience of the concentration camp did not have too many negative effects on him. On the contrary, he was full of great passion for life throughout his life. He only learned to fly a plane at the age of 67 and climbed the Alps at the age of 80.
Our whole life is to grow up by chasing role models. Finding a role model will make children full of motivation.
2. Begin by asking children three questions to inspire children to constantly find their own goals.
. What is my interest? This interest cannot be an interest that you think it is necessary to learn, nor can you follow the trend and learn what others learn, but start from the child's own real interest. Parents can give their children some space and time to explore, and encourage them to try more new things. Only by doing it personally can they discover what they are really interested in.
Interest is above everything else, even if the ability is lower, as long as you are interested and willing to practice, the probability of success is far greater than that of a child who has no interest but is capable.
- What are my talents? At the beginning of the child, you can let him try more, attend several interest classes at the same time, observe the child's acceptance level, and guide the child to persevere. My children have taken hobby classes such as Go, painting, dancing, piano, tennis, etc. Later, only painting persisted. Her drawing talent is also quite outstanding, and she loves drawing very much. Drawing is the only thing she does on her own initiative without being reminded.
Children accumulate more and more successful experience, will be more and more willing to study in this field.
. What does the world need?
Take your child to visit other people's work scenes more, learn how various jobs are done, enrich your child's vision, and enhance your child's cognition. Talk to your child more about the dynamics and trends in the world. The future is definitely a world where artificial intelligence is more and more developed, and innovation and creativity are more needed. In fact, career planning can teach children some of this content from an early age.
We used to have no awareness of this at all, but today's children can consciously cultivate a sense of career planning from an early age. If she likes to draw, then she can take a drawing training teacher, an illustrator, a fashion designer, an animation designer and many other paths, not just being a painter.
If you keep your interest in the world and believe that you can grow for life through deliberate practice, then you will always be able to keenly capture the most cutting-edge trends in the development of the world, and you will be able to adapt to changes in the world.
3. Start small and teach children to be responsible for their own choices, so that they can gradually achieve their goals.
In "Robin Hood: Origins", in order to achieve his goal, Robin Hood was reminded not to tell Marianne that he chose to endure the pain of not being able to be close to his beloved Marianne, falling in love but not recognizing each other. This is his responsibility for his own choice. .
Research by William Dimon, a professor at the Institute of Education at Stanford University in the United States, shows that many children have an inherent lack of motivation and a sense of purpose. Children with clear motivation are more motivated than children without clear motivation, and they are more likely to get results when they do things.
He suggested that children can be allowed to raise some animals or plants, to cultivate children's love and a responsible attitude towards their own choices. With poor care, plants can become lethargic and even die.
Therefore, we must cultivate children's interest, let them start from small things, and be responsible for every small choice they make, so that children can set up their own lofty goals step by step.
03 Deliberate practice: ways to improve children's abilities.
Although a goal has been set, there is no actual action, just empty talk. Everyone has the ability, and they can achieve their desired goals through practice over time. The biggest difference is whether you really want to do it or not, and whether you practice with your heart. The speed of Robin Hood's archery is very slow, repeated practice, overcoming all difficulties, must practice archery Dafa.
So in order to continuously improve children's ability, what role should parents play in children's education? This is the role of the coach, to support the child in all aspects of deliberate practice.
When Master John was training Robin Hood, he often "shot again", encouraging him to keep going and making more and more progress. We can read Anders Erickson 's Deliberate Practice with our children. This book tells us that any skill, if practiced in the right way, gradually, over time, can be achieved at an expert level. This is the so-called "10,000-hour theory".
1. We want to help children find the correct practice method in a large number of repeated exercises.
Without the correct practice method, 10,000 hours of practice is in vain. In "Robin Hood: The Origin", Master John instructed Robin Hood to practice archery from different angles every day, and practiced a lot of archery, and finally practiced to become an archer who could penetrate Yang at a hundred paces.
To learn one thing, we need to help children learn to break up the whole into parts, subdivide the abilities that need to be learned into small pieces, and practice repeatedly. For example, for piano, each piece can be divided into several paragraphs, which can be broken down one by one and practiced repeatedly. Instead of practicing the whole piece from the beginning to the end, the efficiency is not high, the parts to be refined are not refined, the wrong places are still wrong, and the tone and emotion to be reflected are not reflected.
For example, when children learn tennis, they start training from breaking down the movements one by one, such as swinging, catching, and serving. It takes several years of practice. Only after mastering it will they start to learn to practice sparring. Instead of getting up, practice sparring. Only when the foundation is laid well, every action is standardized, and the best power point for serving and catching the ball is found, it is possible to play well against each other.
Similarly, children learn English, Chinese, mathematics and other subjects, and they all start with deliberate practice every day. Letting go can damage your child's confidence until he develops the right practice habits.
2. Help children move from comfort zone to growth zone.
In "Robin Hood: The Origin", Robin Hood can shoot arrows, but he is definitely not as good as Master John. He needs to constantly challenge himself from the comfort zone and "do it again".
We need to teach children that the real effective deliberate practice is to repeatedly practice the things that you do not do well. So mistakes are opportunities for us to grow, don't be afraid of mistakes, and constantly encourage children to overcome mistakes. When a child makes a mistake, don't make a fuss, it will make the child afraid of making a mistake, increase the fear of mistakes, be reluctant to try, and miss the opportunity to grow.
3. Continue to give your child positive feedback repeatedly.
In fact, we give feedback to children every day, but sometimes the form of feedback is unbiased. We often find the shortcomings of children, and yell at them as soon as they come up. In fact, we can use gamified thinking to think of ourselves as a coach for our children.
If we want to point out a current problem to the child, for example, let the child go to bed early, it can be said that the goal of training during this period is to go to bed early. If you don't go to bed early before 10 o'clock, you have to cancel the phone time for the next day. This kind of statement is more lively and interesting, not blunt and rude at all, and it is more acceptable to children.
The next day at 9:30, remind the child, "A warm reminder from the coach, it's half an hour before we go to bed, please take a bath and go to bed."
When the child goes to bed on time that day, giving the child positive feedback is called keeping promises. Likewise, the parents fulfilled their promise the next day, giving him the promised time on the phone. If your child doesn't go to bed on time, you just need not to show him his phone the next day. You don't need to blame, you don't need to beat and scold you, as long as you can hold back, no matter how he begs you, you can hold on to your phone with grace and grace. In this way, children can gradually learn to keep their commitments.
To sum up, in order for children not to look down on themselves, our parents need to work hard from these three aspects. Let children gradually have invincible courage and ability.
1. Become a supporter and cultivate children's self-confidence.
2. Be a discoverer and encourage children to discover goals.
3. Become a coach and cultivate children's abilities.
Anders Erickson said in "Deliberate Practice" that the most important gift we can leave our children is to help them develop abilities they thought they could not have, so that they can find themselves in control of their own potential, and also Know what methods and efforts are required to make your dreams come true. This sentence is sent to all parents to share with you. May our children have invincible courage and strength!
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