I haven't seen a doctor and don't think I have a bipolar. Just seeing the plot in the play, the female protagonist can't move under the quilt, she feels that everything is meaningless, and can deeply understand, there is a feeling of "she is wearing my shoes". The heroine in the play is an organic disease caused by chemical imbalance, and what I want to say is just the mood swing of an ordinary person under pressure.
At the beginning, when the heroine was in high spirits, she was a little sweaty for her. Later, the button for her low tide was turned on, and my own long-term memories were also opened. Those days when I closed the door and cried bitterly, which I have not experienced for a long time, They were all awakened from their slumber and jumped out one by one.
The worst time for me was right out of college as an audit. The work intensity is high, the time is long, and I have the lowest qualifications in the company. I am a foreigner, and I have to speak a non-native language. There is a layer of cultural difference between my colleagues and my colleagues. Every day I go to work and look at the people around me, how can I be so energetic and have endless energy, I have to play a 12-point spirit and act as if nothing happened, no different from others.
When I got home from get off work, I felt that my whole body was taken out of time, I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to meet people, I just sat in my room eating takeout, and was autistic. Indifferent to everything, indifference, refusal to communicate and communicate, shut yourself in the door and keep the whole world out.
When encountering some small setbacks, the whole person will collapse, all self-confidence will be gone, and there will be no ability to objectively evaluate and recognize one's own value. Periodically low will, accumulate for a period of time, and erupt once, much like the scene where the heroine is lying on the toilet floor. After crying, let it out, and then continue to accumulate, the cycle repeats. Coupled with overeating, staying up late, not exercising, pimples on the face, and no way to fall in love, I feel that I am not attractive. And loneliness adds a heavier weight to the low mood.
After a few years, I changed jobs, moved to the city, and got better. The environment is relaxed, the pressure is less, the number of emotional breakdowns is less and less, even the acne has begun to improve, the dress is better, and there is more time and energy to go out to play and make friends.
Looking back on those years, I concluded that I was not suitable for the work and high-stress environment at the time. Chicken soup will say that the greater the pressure, the greater the achievement, but everyone's style is really different. Some people can perform well under pressure, and I will have better creativity and creativity in a relatively relaxed atmosphere. working status. Sometimes it's not a virtue to persevere reluctantly, admit that you can't do it, let yourself go, and find a more suitable path.
Another thing that keeps me getting better is that I have found someone who can be honest with him. You can expose your ignorance, stupidity, indifference, admit your shortcomings, and still be accepted without pretending to be good or understanding. Just like the heroine in the film, after telling a former colleague about her illness, she was completely accepted and she was relieved. This feeling is unparalleled.
When I went back to see those high-spirited colleagues back then, I heard a trivial thing, saying that there was a handsome guy of the same level who looked very bright. Top scattered in a daze. I think it would have been a great comfort to me at the time if I had known about it at that time.
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