From the Best Animated Short "Bao Bao Bao" to see how terrible Chinese parents' desire for control is
01
The list of the 91st Academy Awards has been announced.
In addition to the unpopular "Green Book", another work also attracted the attention of the audience - the first animated short film "Baby Bao" directed by a Chinese woman in Pixar's history, won the best animated short film.
Judging from the poster, the "Baby Bao" with the face of the dumpling is really lovable
The story takes place in a Chinese family, a woman makes buns for her husband at home.
One day, something strange happened. Among the steamed buns that my husband had not finished eating, a small steamed bun burst into tears.
She felt love and pity, and named the little bun "Bao Bao Bao" as if it were her own.
She did her duty as a mother, measuring the height of the little guy, taking him to buy food and snacks, feeding him, brushing his teeth, taking a bath, and giving him a loving kiss before going to bed every day.
However, the grown-up "Baby Bao" began to yearn for his own personal space. He stopped eating snacks bought by his mother and started locking the door. He didn't like his mother taking full control of his life, and he didn't understand why his mother had to be in charge of making friends.
On the other hand, the old mother is worried that the "Baby Bao" will be injured and bullied outside and should protect the child more strictly.
Thus, the contradiction between "mother and son" arises.
In order to get rid of her mother's control, Bao Bao moved out of the house. The last time he came home, he brought back his blond fiancée.
The mother who lost control of her son completely collapsed. She grabbed Bao Baobao's hand and prevented him from leaving, and finally grabbed the little bun and swallowed him...
The seemingly warm story made the audience take a breath, and many people commented that this work "caused discomfort".
Some people even called it "too exaggerated" and "simply a horror movie".
02
The most terrifying scene in the story comes from the real life of Chinese director Shi Zhiyu.
When she was a child, she also accepted the excessive protection and high pressure control of her mother like countless Chinese children.
Her mother once said: I wish I could put you back in my belly, so that I know where your people are at any time.
Parents and children play games all their lives, it's a battle of "control". The metaphor of Bao Bao Bao is that "a son can create and destroy at any time".
At the end of the story, the woman devoured the child in the name of love, obliterating the child's yearning for freedom and the right to choose life.
Cartoons come from life, and the parents of "control freaks" are actually by our side.
My cousin, Achen, has been excellent in both character and study. Since he was born, his aunt has been planning his life. What kind of kindergarten, primary school, junior high school, high school, university, what kind of major to choose, where to work, what kind of friends to make... everything is covered. My cousin is very competitive and knows that my aunt is not easy, and will not resist on non-principled issues.
However, when it comes to talking about friends, the cousin and aunt had a big fight, accusing the aunt of interfering in his emotional life and deliberately breaking up the two. The relationship between mother and son deteriorated rapidly, and the cousin moved out of the house and refused to talk about friends.
The cousin's fault was growing up and becoming independent, and he began to have his own opinions and ideas, so his parents had to resort to extreme means - confiscate their love for him, and predicted that he would pay for it.
For mothers who want to control their sons, the daughter-in-law is the rival in love, and the son must make a choice. As long as adult children try to take control of even a small portion of their lives, they must pay the price and live with guilt, depression, and guilt ever since.
What's more, they will directly harass and deal with their children's spouses. These methods of parents can easily cause conflicts between husband and wife and shake the marriage relationship. There are many marital tragedies caused by the excessive participation of the previous generation.
Tang Wei's ex-boyfriend, Zhu Yuchen, who has never been popular, didn't expect to be completely popular through variety shows.
This 39-year-old man who wanted to be a director and wanted to fall in love completely lost to his mother.
This control freak mother wakes up at 4 am every day to help her son boil pear juice for more than ten years;
Her son works in Beijing, she moved to Beijing alone to accompany her;
I stuffed my son's refrigerator with food every day, and followed the whole filming day, never leaving...
It's not that Zhu Yuchen did not resist, he wanted to escape from his mother's control and ran from Shanghai to Beijing to go to school. After graduation, he chose to stay in Beijing. But Zhu's mother always used bitter tactics, crying and saying, "Why am I so unpromising, my son just left me like this".
In the end, his mother got her wish and went to Beijing with him.
Eight years ago, Zhu's mother said: "I am determined, I want to change"; 8 years later, her almost crazy control of her son has not changed, she is very proud to say: "I have no self, I just use the whole life to treat my son".
Her logic is "I gave you all of myself, how can you not listen to me? How you should live in this life should be decided by me."
03
Why do mothers like to interfere with their children's choices?
This is called "manipulative personality" in psychology. Why do some people say never reason with your parents?
Because they shout as you like, and act in the name of family affection: I give you life, I give you food, so you must obey me unconditionally, so that I can save face.
Manipulative parents are cunning because they often disguise manipulation as caring.
Some common sayings are "I do this for you" and "It's all for your own good", but they all mean the same thing: I do this because I'm too afraid of losing you, and I'd rather let you live in pain.
There is a story called "Mom's Remote Control" in the high-scoring drama "Your Child is Not Your Child".
Xiaowei, a third-year middle school student, finds himself stuck on Wednesday.
He's stuck in a loop: bumping into the same people, hitting the same taxi, repeating the same conversations with friends. He doesn't understand what's going on, but every day he's handing fake transcripts to his mom so he can go on a graduation trip with his best friends.
Until the third night, when he handed over the fake transcript again, his mother suddenly said, "Didn't I already give you three chances?"
Only then did he know that his mother had a remote control that could rewind his life forward. From then on, under the control of the remote control, Xiaowei began a nightmarish life. If there is a slight dissatisfaction, the mother will press the remote control and let him go back and start again.
She didn't allow any variables in her son's life, and she patiently pressed the remote control over and over to fix him to her own satisfaction.
He finally broke down and committed suicide, laying down in the bathtub and slashing his wrist. However, he doesn't even have the right to die, because his mother has a remote control that can go back to the time before he committed suicide...
Is this in love with him, or is it satisfying his own desire for control?
Director Chen Huiling said when describing the original intention of the series:
"No one takes care of the children's psychology. What do they fear and desire? Babies can cry when they are hungry, but when they grow up and crave love, they cannot cry or cry."
It's not so much love, but rather kidnapping and bondage in the name of love.
This kind of parent-child relationship is undoubtedly deformed, and this is not just an extreme story in a TV series. In fact, such parents abound in life.
They are also known as "helicopter parents". They believe that the child should always be good and easy to control, and will not accept any rebuttal.
Such women have really paid a lot for the family, but they have forgotten: Is what they do really needed by their children; is this "payment" a burden to their children?
04
Kotaro Isaka once said that the thought of being a parent without having to pass an exam is terrifying.
"What do children know, I'm here for your own good."
"When you grow up, you will thank me."
"If it wasn't for you, I would have..."
My best friend has a happy family and a sweet marriage. She told me: One thing that a happy family is similar to is that there are no controlling people in the family.
Gibran has a classic saying: "Your children are not actually your children. They are the children born of life's desire for itself. They came to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but It doesn't belong to you."
Provide housing for their bodies, but don't imprison their minds, because their minds belong to tomorrow, a tomorrow you can't even dream of .
The best love for a child is to let go at the right time.
The so-called mother-child relationship is just a process of getting further and further away, learn to exit at the right time, learn to let go and bless.
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