01
The 91st Oscar Best Animated Short Film "Baby Bao" tells the story of an empty-nest old mother who regained the happiness of coexisting with her child because of the sudden "Baby Bao", and also understood the story that her child needs to let go when she grows up.
The director of this cartoon, Shi Zhiyu, is a Chinese native of Sichuan, born in Chongqing and raised in Canada. The cartoon is full of strong Chinese flavor, and the prototype of the story is also her upbringing experience.
The mother in the cartoon suffers from the pain of an empty nest. Her husband goes to work after breakfast every day, and she is the only one left at home.
One morning, my mother prepared buns for breakfast, and my husband was in a hurry to finish the buns and go to work. After her husband left, a bun in the drawer suddenly moved, slowly exposing its limbs and turning into a baby bun.
The mother picked up the baby from the drawer, took care of him, fed him, helped him bathe, bought him delicious food, brought him with him wherever he went... took care of him meticulously.
Bao Bao gradually grew up and wanted to play with other children, but his mother immediately stopped him from coming back. Bao Baobao was injured playing football with other children. When his mother found out, he kicked the ball away as soon as possible and brought him back.
Bao Baobao, who is in the rebellious period, wants to have his own space, so he plays in the room, makes phone calls, his mother knocks on the door, and the baby directly shuts her out.
Mom prepared a large table of delicious dishes, such as braised pork, squirrel fish, etc. These are probably the dishes that Bao Baobao loves to eat. But Bao Baobao ran out to play with his friends without even looking at the dishes on the table in order to play with his friends.
Mom finished her meal angrily alone, and waited until Bao Bao came back in the middle of the night to feel at ease.
Suddenly one day, Bao Bao brought back a girlfriend and asked to pack up and move out, but his mother did not allow it. While the two were pulling, the mother ate the baby in one bite.
Finally, the mother woke up from the dream and found that it was a dream. The husband glanced outside the room and called for the child.
The mother opened her eyes in confusion and saw that the child had returned. The child walked into the room, but the mother ignored him. The child planned to put down a box of buns and leave. At this time, the mother took the child and the two reconciled.
After that, the son took the foreign girlfriend home and made buns together. The son didn't wrap it well, but the foreign girlfriend made it well. The mother was surprised and smiled with relief.
02
This short animation, which is less than 8 minutes and has no lines, shows the parent-child relationship of many Chinese families vividly and thought-provoking.
The father is an absent role in the growth process of the child. The mother assumes all the heavy responsibility of taking care of the child, giving the child meticulous care and even doting on the child.
Even if the child grows up, he needs to have his own independent space and his own life, and he is not willing to let go of the child. After the rebellious adolescence, the child yearns for freedom, does not understand the mother's behavior, and even feels that the mother's love for him is a burden. In the end, the two people do not understand each other and have not received good communication, which leads to the breakdown of the parent-child relationship.
In the short film, the mother eats the buns in one go in order to prevent the child from moving out. This scene looks terrifying. I believe that many mothers have also had this idea. When the child makes them angry, they can't wait to put the child back in the stomach, so that the child can be obedient.
Including Shi Zhiyu, she talked about this scene and gave the explanation that when people are full of strong feelings for someone, they are unwilling to separate. Sometimes my mother would say "I wish I could put you back in my belly" to express the most sincere love for the child.
Children will eventually grow up, and parents should learn to let go of their children and give them the right kind of love.
In the book "Why Home Hurts", it is said that doting is a kind of lazy and irresponsible love. Corresponding to pampering is true love. True love is a love that respects the independence of a child. Parents who truly love know how to meet the different growth needs of their children at different growth stages. Really loving parents know how to let go, accept, and enjoy seeing their children's independence and self-growth.
03
In the variety show "My Boy" that was broadcast before, Zhu Yuchen's mother was too doting on her child.
She took control of her son's life in the name of love.
Fearing that my child would get angry, I woke up at 4 am every day to make pear soup for my son for ten years. All kinds of votes about the children's selection of awards, sitting in front of the computer and voting non-stop. Copying his son's Weibo by hand, persuading his son not to accept the beating scene, every girlfriend of his son should interfere... This kind of airtight love makes Zhu Yuchen feel suffocated.
Zhu Yuchen once thought of resisting, but every time he saw his mother's sacrifice for him, he compromised again and again.
In the words of Mother Zhu, I treat my son with my whole life.
Such manipulative parents feel betrayed and abandoned because of their children's independence, so they strengthen their control over their children, and even blackmail them emotionally in the name of filial piety.
The book "Family of Origin - How to Fix Your Character Flaws" states that all parents should stop controlling their children when they are in control of their own lives. In normal families, this transfer of control often begins when the child is a teenager. And in toxic families, this healthy and beneficial relationship stripping can be artificially delayed for years, or never.
If children want to regain control of their own lives, this separation can only be achieved if they make changes themselves.
Love without a sense of boundaries not only hinders the growth of children, but also has adverse effects on children in various aspects.
Love is not a bond, but letting go. Please give your children independent and free love.
04
When Long Yingtai sent his son to school, he looked at his son's back, hoping that his son would look back at him, but his son left without looking back.
She found that the fate with the child is gradually drifting away in the farewell. What parents can do in the process is to let go and watch the child leave.
So she wrote in "Watching Off": "I slowly and slowly learned that the so-called father-daughter mother-son only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back in this life and this life. Walk further away. You stand on this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the bend of the path, and he silently tells you with his back: Don't chase."
Children grow up and need to explore the world alone.
As they get older, they will leave home, go to school, go to work, and slowly form their own family with others, drifting away from their parents.
Facing the departure of their children, all parents can do is to let them go and let them bravely pursue what they want. It doesn't matter if they fail. Just tell them that home is your strong backing, and that your parents will be behind you.
The growth of a child requires the parents to let go.
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