I went out of town two days ago, and I ate a lot of food. Taking advantage of the good mood, I posted a scribbled but obviously happy circle of friends. Within ten minutes, several steaming grenades bombed at me.
When I opened WeChat, what I expected was my mother.
"Hey, look at what you posted, the pictures are not good. Post something to eat and drink every day, so you don't want to gain weight again." At the end, he added, "Can you change your avatar, this is ugly."
Quietly exit the conversation interface, and swipe down casually to see if there are any messages from friends, so as to distract your attention.
Unfortunately not.
Stop judging me! There are 10,000 Ma Jingtao roaring while holding the loudspeaker in the brain, the bright exclamation mark rushes in all directions in the police car, and the mental defense system becomes a vacuum for a while, I am like a grouper on the chopping board in the seafood market, staring at the boss. eyes, oxygen has become gold. A sentence "I think you have your own life." How can I not say it.
Thousands of children in China have tacitly divided the forbidden area of speech, while advocating the so-called scientific family philosophy of the West, and at the same time choosing to stay in a stalemate in unity and neatness. They do not want to discuss, and feel that it should not be discussed further. As a result, the dense and pervasive silver threads swept over the sky and covered the sky, forming a solid, stable and reliable net, covering everyone in it. It cannot be seen, touched, or smelled. It only uses blood as the only connection. "You are born to me" is the tacit sign of everyone.
I know that I am my mother's hope. So she nagged her and urged her to be anxious. Half of her hope in life was given to her father and half to me, but she had very little for herself.
There is a story in The Joy Luck Club. There is a mother and daughter Lindo and Wei Li. The mother hopes that her daughter can play chess with her talent, so like all tiger mothers, she monitors her playing chess every day and shows off her daughter's chess skills. talent. While her daughter was under pressure, she struggled not to disappoint her mother. The two had been in a cold war for decades. Until - Wei Li broke down and cried to her mother in a hair salon on the street in the United States on the eve of her wedding, "You don't know your influence on me, your words, even a look... I seem to be four years old again, When I fell asleep crying. Because no matter what I do, I can't get your favor."
The mother, who experienced catastrophe when she was young and was devastated by feudal ethics, finally flew over the sky of 40 million people and reached the spiritual utopia on the other side of the ocean. Of course, she placed all her expectations on her daughter. "There are only two kinds of daughters, either obedient or stubborn! Only the former can live in this family!" The air was undoubtedly suffocated by the tone.
In the frozen silence, the mother silently lost her life, and the daughter had to silently bury her true self. So two generations, repeating the same nightmare. I can't tell whose fault it is, and I have been accustomed to covering up my emotions for many years, accustomed to pretending to be okay, and accustomed to this fate.
It seems that we women always have a kind of thin thread that draws fate, and at the end of the thin thread is a vague light, which is hope. "The Joy Luck Club" begins with a story about a woman who wants to bring a goose from China to the United States and give it to her future daughter, telling her what kind of hardships her mother went through along the way, and because of what kind of Hope to come to America. As a result, the goose was confiscated by customs before it arrived in the United States, and the woman had to leave a goose feather to her daughter forever. Because this is her hope.
This goose feather is mother's and ours. When we encountered darkness and no light was visible, we jumped up hard, trying to grab this goose feather that was flying around in the sky, fluttering and ambiguous. Mouth shouted without a drop of saliva, but what about hope?
——Hope is a dangerous thing for women.
Because of this goose feather, it is too easy to fall gently on other people's heads with the wind.
When this goose feather falls on a man, it is her husband or lover. In the morning, while drinking tea, she waited for his call, "To call or not to call?" She was so distracted that she couldn't even care about work; at noon, she finally received a text message explaining him, with a short line, "I drank too much yesterday, this morning The phone is out of power. I miss you." She was a little sad, but smiled sadly, forget it, who told her to love him, and he was her hope.
After finally getting married, she can no longer look forward to his poems like when she was young, and the love poems have been replaced by weather forecasts. The phone rang suddenly, and another text message from the man notified "I won't be back for dinner at night", "Again?!" She sighed inwardly, but couldn't say it. In order to have a child, she left her job at the beginning of the year, and her friends in the metropolis were so busy that it was difficult to even go out for afternoon tea. When she slept alone at night, she heard a lot of traffic outside the window, and she didn't know what to do. The whistle sounded like a fireworks explosion in her ears. What's there to complain about? After all, he is her hope.
A few years later, she finally had a child. She hugged the soft body of her little daughter in her arms, and thought, nannan will grow up soon. She can really see the end of her life at a glance, but her daughter is different. She is so small, so alive, and so hopeful. At this time, a goose feather lightly landed on her daughter's jade-like forehead, as if a blessing from heaven.
Hope, what a magical word, it is both a blessing and a trap. How many women have let their own hearts and their own hopes hang on others, and from now on they have been making wedding clothes for others all their lives. No life of my own, no heart and soul of my own.
Zhang Ailing's eyes were like torches, and she saw the sadness of the woman thoroughly. How did Wang Jiazhi die in Lust, Caution? She is so young, beautiful and vigorous, she should be happy to be old; but at the last moment she gave birth to a little hope for Mr. Yi out of thin air:
His profile is facing the lamp, his eyes are down, his eyelashes are like beige moth wings, resting on his thin cheeks, in her opinion, he has a gentle and pitiful look.
This person really loves me, she suddenly thought, with a bang in her heart, if something is lost.
too late.
The shopkeeper handed him the receipt and he shoved it over him.
"Come on," she whispered.
She didn't know that Mr. Yi was actually a veteran who accompanied women to buy things. That gentle look was actually deliberate, but she thought it was true. As a result, the city was closed before it got dark, and Wang Jiazhi died under his execution that night. Mr. Yi was a little satisfied, "The relationship between the tiger and Yan is the ultimate possession. She is his person in life, and his ghost in death."
I think the premise of loving someone is not to have hope. Because there is hope, there will be expectations. When there is too much expectation, there will always be unsatisfactory, and then there will naturally be resentment. When you love someone, you love their appearance, character, and behavior. Love can be there, but hope is to be held tightly in your hands.
The only one who can pour hope is yourself. why not? It is this body that keeps walking with you, and this heart that makes you feel beautiful and kind. Put your hope in a person, and maybe the person will disappear tomorrow; put your hope in a thing, maybe this thing may be broken in a second. Keep hope for yourself, no matter how difficult and dark, never lose hope for yourself.
If one day, I become a wife, I will go to work with him hand in hand in the morning, talk to each other and learn from each other after get off work; watch French niche movies together on weekends, and he tells me about sports, cars I teach him how to grow flowers, taste wine, pick the freshest vegetables, love each other equally, accompany him in the most difficult times, and open the door to a new world of life for each other;
If one day, I become a mother of a child, I will patiently listen to her every tender idea, accompany her to pick up leaves and paint, and encourage my children to find their true self, including the things they are most interested in. Boldly pursue love, no matter the color, race or gender of the other person; most importantly, I will not regard her as a part of my will to inherit, the child is an independent sapling, I am only responsible for watering, and expect her to be healthy grow up. When she grows up, I will have my own life, only watching my children, but not following.
Hope is a dangerous thing for women, because hope is too precious and too fragile, so I just keep it to myself, hold my goose feather tightly, and push forward for all the shining moments in the future.
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