Happiness is when parents learn to treat their children as "people"

Bao

A few days ago, my husband and I went to the cinema to watch "Incredibles 2", but when I walked out of the theater, what lingered in my mind was the bonus short film "Bao" before the feature film.

This is the first short film in the history of Pixar created by a female director, and what is more special is that the female director is a Chinese girl who grew up in Canada. When I saw the title, I thought I was dazzled. When I was abroad, I suddenly saw Chinese characters appearing on the big screen. In addition to the surprise and confusion, I suddenly felt the warmth of going home. The theme of this film is also around the theme of "family".

Bao Bao Bao

At the beginning of the film, we saw the familiar traditional Chinese interior decoration, as well as the more familiar traditional Chinese husband and wife relationship: the wife cooks breakfast, the husband hurries to go to work, the only communication bridge between the two is food—— A basket of buns on the table. (This kind of husband and wife relationship is really a bit bleak and thought-provoking, because no matter what, there must be soy milk and fried dough sticks, how can there be only one cage of steamed buns!)

The wife was alone at home and felt very lonely. Suddenly, a steamed bun she made by herself turned into a chubby baby.

Since then, the mother has regarded the baby bag as the whole focus of her life. Carefully feed and take care of him in every possible way, for fear that he will be hurt a little bit. (From the audience's point of view, it is also quite empathetic. This bun is too soft, and it is a raw bun that has not been cooked at all. Otherwise, how can it be flattened when it hits it?)

Here is a picture, that is, the mother takes the baby to eat bread on the bus. But..but...Aren't buns and bread the same kind? Watching Baozi eat bread suddenly made me feel a little embarrassed... Of course, I won't know the purpose of this plot until I see it at the end.

As time goes by, the mother finds Bao Baobao's world farther and farther away from her... When the meals she cooks can't attract Bao Baobao's attention, the mother suddenly becomes very frustrated and helpless. Until one day Bao Bao found a foreigner fiancée and decided to leave home to live. (The first time I met my parents was the feeling of raw buns and cooked buns, you know!)

At a critical juncture, the helpless old mother swallowed the baby in one bite! Down! tripe! son! ! ! (I really gasped when I saw this! As a mother, I really want to say to her, mother to mother: it's just a bun, why bother!)

Just as the grieving mother was in a state of grief, she suddenly found a person standing at the door of the bedroom. This person turned out to be her bun son! (At this time, the old mother in the film rubbed her eyes desperately. As an audience, I suddenly realized something and burst into tears!) Then the mother and son sat side by side as before, sharing their son's favorite food when he was a child. Bread, hug each other and cry. (Only then did I realize that the previous plot of Baozi eating bread was very reasonable!)

At the end of the film, the mother accepts the foreign daughter-in-law, and the family of four happily wraps buns. (Art above life is perfectly reflected here!)

From this short film, we saw the mental journey of an ordinary mother raising her only child to adulthood. From the lovely and warm style of the opening chapter to a sudden turn to a gloomy and gloomy tone, it finally ends with a happy happy ending. Bit by bit, the audience who could empathize with it couldn't help crying. I am certainly no exception.

Although the film is only 8 minutes long, it shows almost all traditional Chinese family symbols vividly: mothers who focus on children as the whole focus of life; parents' strong desire for protection and control; lack of communication between elders and juniors, A parent-child relationship that is understood and respected; of course, there is also a father who is not very present in the parenting process (it must be said that this father not only has a low sense of presence, but also keeps looking out the window, the movie never reveals what he is watching, This is apparently the only unsolved suspense in the film).

When "bags" become "people"

Now I want to seriously talk about my viewing experience. Many viewers see the main part of this short film as a dream of my mother, but I don't think so.

In the eyes of this mother, the child is the weak "bun" created by herself. And we only see her world through mother's eyes.

From beginning to end, this "bun" is the image of the son in the mother's eyes, not his real appearance. Until one day, after an irreversible and violent conflict between mother and son, the mother who was unwilling to let go swallowed the "bun", but instead let her see the true appearance of her son - he is an adult, a flesh and blood an independent individual.

When "Baozi" took the initiative to enter the house to try to communicate, the mother suddenly realized that the child had grown up and was no longer the weak and helpless Baozi in her eyes.

In the eyes of her mother, "buns" have become "people", and at the same time, she has finally learned to let go and respect.

Cultural faults in overseas Asian families of origin

It is an unprecedented initiative that the normality of Asian families of origin can be presented in the form of Pixar animated shorts in mainstream media in North America. The message conveyed in the film is very targeted, causing many Westerners to see it in a foggy way, but Asians find it very touching and tearful.

• White audience:

• Asian audience:

Audiences have such extreme feedback on the same movie, which to some extent explains why parent-child conflicts are common in overseas Asian families: there is a huge gap between the Chinese thinking of small families and the Western concepts of the big environment. differences, resulting in cultural gaps.

The conflict between Chinese and Western cultures and values ​​is a very common phenomenon in North American Asian families. Take the simplest example:

In China, if a child wants to pursue a relatively unrealistic dream (such as being a singer with a tone of voice), then the child's dream will definitely be swept away by countless cold waters. In the United States, he is surrounded by countless teachers and friends who encourage him to pursue his dreams through hard work. Therefore, in the United States, unless the child is very opinionated, once the concept of the parent and the child is in conflict, the vast majority of children will go on according to their own ideas, and the possibility of being restrained by the parents is very small.

Similarly, from a material level, American society advocates making adult children financially independent. Once the child is an adult, the parents may not continue to pay materially, and even let the child work to earn or take out the loan for the tuition fee. In Asia, parents worry about their children's jobs, housing, marriage, parenting and other big things, for fear that they will not pay enough.

Asian children who grow up under such culture shock can easily stand on the opposite side of their parents as adults. Asian parents hope that their children will become dragons, but they are eager to protect their children. They feel that they have given too much to their children and complain that their children are not appreciative. However, their children think that their parents are too much in control and try their best to break free from their parents' bondage. A family is often divided in two by an invisible cultural divide.

Lack of communication and understanding is the direct cause of this gap. And mutual respect is the premise of communication and understanding.

Asian culture advocates filial piety and respect for elders and children. Therefore, it is easy for Asian parents to put themselves in a high position in the parent-child relationship. In the eyes of parents, a child is a product of their own creation, and a child will always be a child.

However, if there is no equal respect between people, it is impossible to communicate smoothly, and it is impossible to understand each other through empathy. And these are precisely what children need most from their parents. This may also be the reason why so many Asian children are deeply touched when they watch the short film.

learn to be happy

As the Internet gradually occupies everyone's life, the problem of this cultural gap has gradually surfaced in China . Children directly influenced by the infiltration of Western culture yearn for freedom and independence, but the heavy love of their parents has become the shackles of their children's high flying. In addition, Chinese parents have no time to cultivate their children's self-reliance awareness and skills. Children want to be independent but cannot be independent.

The happy ending of this movie is a happy one. However, in life, many parents still cannot learn to treat their children as equal individuals. In the eyes of parents, "buns" are always buns and cannot become "people". Therefore, many endings in reality are actually not as good as in the movies.

The key to changing this phenomenon is that in addition to children being self-reliant, the most important thing is that parents should learn to grow up with their children, gradually let go of their hands, give them the opportunity to learn to be independent, and finally treat them as equal to themselves adults to be treated .

The ancients said that children and grandchildren will have their own children and grandchildren.

The son you worked hard to train will eventually become someone else's husband, and the daughter you take care of in every possible way will eventually become someone else's wife. - big head mother

Love is giving, not possessing, love is respect, not control. I hope that parents in the world will not kidnap their children and bind themselves in the name of love. In any case, parents will always be an irreplaceable harbor in children's hearts, but the ship is going to go to sea after all, isn't it?

My WeChat public account: American Big Head Mom (ID: StrongHeadedMom), if you are interested, please pay attention!

Note: The pictures in this article are all from the Internet

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