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Time is such a thing: A few years ago, I heard children crying in public, and I would be very upset and could have How far to hide; after a few years, when I hear my children crying, I will subconsciously think of my sisters and imagine how they would cope with such a scene-in my college friend QQ group, the same year Several female college students in the dormitory are mothers, except for me.
I think that the question of "birth or not" is no longer a problem (I remember that the media had heatedly discussed the "DINK" phenomenon ten years ago). Obviously, this is not a matter of personal choice. But facts have proved that the belly of a married woman will still be the focus of attention of the majority of friends and family. Speaking of it, I used to be very boring. Sometimes when I talk about it, I will ask a married friend: "When will I have a baby?" Odious.
In August last year, "Time" magazine once again used "no children" as the cover theme, because the birth rate in the United States has broken the lowest record in history. At the beginning of the report, a story was told: a 14-year-old girl, Laura, decided not to have children in the future, because she witnessed her mother’s life without "own time". Her mother said: "You will change your mind in the future." Waiting for this "change" moment. However, this moment never happened to her. Now that she is 50 years old, as a writer and documentary director, she finds every day that her life without children is complete.
国内的关军写了一本《无后为大》，从生命、教育、社会、伦理、环境等角度阐述丁克的理由。这算是国内第一本真诚讨论“不生”的书。撇开大环境，对于许多 个人来说，最重要的原因是生育代价和个人追求起了严重冲突，正如《时代》封面主题的副标题所说：“如果想要这一切就不能要孩子”——“这一切”指的是：时间、自由、职业、兴趣、健身、娱乐等一切个人在乎的东西。更重要的是，这些人没法忍受做“只生不养”的父母：生，谁不会，可对生命复杂性的敬畏，加剧了他们“一定要做好父母的”的偏执。这样一来，冲突就几乎不可调和了：人的精力、时间和金钱毕竟都是有限的。
生孩子是繁衍本能，不生孩子是依靠本能之外的反思，所以不生的理由往往是经过深思熟虑，很难被外人驳倒。有人生了孩子之后说：“当生活失望，让孩子出场。”这句话吓了我一跳，但很有它的代表性：与其说是孩子需要父母，不如说父母需要孩子。但很多大人不能看明白这一点。我判断一个父母有没有好的育儿观很简单：好的父母发自内心地感谢孩子；坏的父母发自内心地索取和控制孩子。
身为一个女人，我更关注生育对女人意味着什么。作为拥有生育特权的一个性别，每个女人都无法逃避这个重大的命题。可惜，真正快乐的妈妈太少。所有的新晋 妈妈都告诉我，不要对男人期望过高。当你经历着身体的撕裂，熬夜挤奶，两个乳头被咬烂发炎而那个男人在身边沉沉睡去，你会发现自己在一个叫“B-612” 的星球上。你问这个星球在哪？嗯，就是任何人都找不到的地方，那么孤独。而这只是无数个淹没你的小事件之一。更不要提那些实际的问题：职业的中断，薪水的减少，时间的压榨，和老人的斗智斗勇（中国家庭没几个不需要老人带孩子），亲人的不理解……如果你想学孩子父亲那样每天只需要下班回来亲亲孩子、周末带孩子玩玩、然后把所有的锁事都交给老婆和老妈？对不起噢，你就是那个叫“老婆”的人。
在社会大环境和男人觉悟都让女人独自承担太多育儿成本的时候，选择不生，有时候是女人的一种自救。
《绝望主妇》里的Lynette无疑是最绝望的那一个：她一共生了5个孩子。Lynette和一个年轻孕妇的对话非常经典：
年轻孕妇：我知道会很忙，但是幸运的是我的老公会尽力帮我。
Lynette：是啊，但是那不可能。
年轻孕妇：你的意思是？
Lynette：刚开始他可能会帮忙，在他的新鲜劲过去前或许会帮忙换一两片尿布。至于凌晨四点帮忙喂奶，你还是别指望了。
年轻孕妇：你不认识我老公，他不一样。
Lynette：他有奶子吗？
年轻孕妇：没有。
Lynette：那就只能你来了。你孩子朝婴儿监控器大哭，而你老公动都懒得动。
年轻孕妇：好……好吧。
Lynette： (举起一本女性杂志)我还没有说完呢，你看到这个没有？你从此再也没机会穿比基尼了。
年轻孕妇：但是你不是生过四个孩子吗？你的身材看起来还不错啊。
Lynette：你又没见过我裸体的样子，我的小腹就像坨西班牙灰泥，而我的乳房就像放了一周的漏气的气球。
Woman：可是大多数女人都说这是她们一生中最美好的事情。
Lynette：大多数女人都是骗子！这是代代相传的谎言，这样她们才有外孙抱。
年轻孕妇：拜托不要跟我说下去了！
Lynette：不，你得听完。你需要准备好：你的孩子会袭击你，从你钱包偷钱，你老公会随便买份生日礼物打发你，更要命的是：你的余生，常常感到孤单寂寞，但别妄想得到一刻安宁。
Young pregnant woman: (Howling and crying).
I know that some people will say that my intentions are sinister, yes, I am sinister. If a woman cannot understand that motherhood is a lonely journey on her own, she is making a very dangerous decision and cannot be a good mother. . Those women who give birth in a hurry, especially literary and artistic young women, are a high-risk group of "postpartum depression"-because they have not really adjusted the conflict between the two roles of "mother" and "self."
Don't think that you will sacrifice willingly. People tend to overestimate their dedication. When your personal life is constantly compressed, or when you are a full-time housewife for your children, you can only stretch out your hands to ask men for money, or when you are trapped in a family parenting dispute and fighting alone, you will become irritable and wronged. You will find that, You are more and more similar to the "Obasan" that you hated when you were young, and you still don’t want to see your husband and children...
A woman has to lay twelve eggs a year, but she has to have children under three conditions. This egg is used less recklessly: first, I want children very much (not born for anyone); second, be responsible for his own life; third, be responsible for the lives of future children.
Think about these three points clearly. If the conclusion is that there is no childbirth, who would dare to hold the baby and say that you are an irresponsible person.
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