Father's love is silent, if you feel it, then it's not father's love! ——Bing Xin
Some time ago, I accidentally watched a movie that impressed me-"Papa Judge", directed by David Dawkin, starring Robert Duval, Robert Downey Jr., Vera Farmega and so on.
Aside from the star-studded cast, the light-hearted eye contact between the protagonists has brought the audience into the context of the script.
"Papa Judge" tells the story of Hank, a lawyer who specializes in litigation for the rich, who returned to his hometown to attend the funeral because of his mother's death. The judge's father was involved in a car accident that resulted in death the next day. Hank, who had a big fight with his father and was about to leave, had to return to his family to help his father in a lawsuit. In the process of filing a lawsuit for his father, one secret after another emerged. In the end, the family resolved their suspicions and understood each other. And love.
This film is different from the generally understood commercial blockbusters of American personal heroism, and it has a very detailed portrayal of human nature.
It embodies the game between father and son, between justice and evil, and the entanglement of rationality and sensibility. Everything is reasonable but unexpected. Such a good film is worth watching and recollecting repeatedly.
1. "Home" discourages children
A few years ago, Hank left home and went to work in a big city. He won money and status by litigating the rich. But in his heart, "home" is a sad place. He cannot convince himself to return to the small town he missed, and his marriage is about to collapse due to poor management.
Who knows, it was the news of his mother's death that eventually brought him back to his hometown.
When he told his daughter about the incident, the daughter wanted to go there together, and he blurted out: " Trust me, no one wants to go there, everyone there wants to escape..." It just shows his inner state.
When he drove the car back to the familiar street, the familiar home, everything was the same as before, except that the mother lying in the coffin of the living room would not wake up again.
The younger brother with a slightly lower IQ hugged him, making him feel a touch of warmth. Meeting with the eldest brother was a bit embarrassing. In the early years, due to Hank's fault, he drove his eldest brother out in a car accident. The eldest brother was seriously injured and therefore lost the opportunity to become a professional baseball player.
Of course, what puzzled him the most was the judge's father. In the crowd, he hugged and thanked everyone, but only shook his hand with Hank.
Later, he found that his room had become a waste room, and the judge's father also exposed the fact that Hank was about to divorce in front of other brothers. For a moment, the bitterness that Hank buried in his heart before he left home spewed out, making him miserable.
This home is not a warm place for Hank, but more like a "grave"-buried all his expectations and love for the family.
What makes it difficult for this "boy" to return home?
There are obstacles in the way of communication between father and son, the words in each other's hearts cannot be spoken, and no one wants to touch the dusty "misunderstanding". Such embarrassing situations lead the audience into the world of four men to explore the source of many obstacles.
2. The silent love from the father
If the sudden death of the mother is the first hurdle of this movie, the complex and subtle family relationships of four men are described in close range in nearly 30 minutes of line drawing, then the second hurdle should be the day after the mother’s burial. , His father was involved in a car accident causing death, and what is even more puzzling is that the deceased was twice sentenced to jail by his father, and was recently released as a rogue.
Hank, who had just had a quarrel with his father and left home in anger, was "forced" to go home and continue to help the family that was fluttering in the wind and rain.
As you can imagine, the old man, as always, dismissed Hank's words, especially Hanke's suggestion to help him get rid of crime.
The old man has kept himself and served his duties for a lifetime, and would never allow any humiliating things to happen. After a few unhappy conversations, the old man "fired" Hank and hired a new lawyer who would be nervous and vomit in court.
Hank believed in his father's "innocence" at first, but as the evidence appeared one by one, the charge of "second-degree murder" of his father has been confirmed. But the most strange thing is that the old man didn't know anything about the night of the case, and he seemed to "lost" this memory.
However, in the face of the evidence, the old man had to confess his "crime" and was ready to plead guilty in court. This was resolutely opposed by Hank, and the two quarreled endlessly on this issue, and Dad even slammed the door away.
When Hank was at a loss, his younger brother's slightly lower IQ caught his attention. Father goes to hang water in the doctor's house by the lake every week, is he sick?
Hank found the doctor and finally learned the secret hidden in his father's heart-he was suffering from cancer and had reached an advanced stage. One of the side effects of massive injections of anticancer drugs is temporary memory loss.
Hank suddenly realized why the old man was not knowing everything, but he was ready to confess his guilt in court. The old man carried the pain of his wife's death alone, and also concealed the fact that his sons were seriously ill, preparing to die silently.
This is an expression of father's love, sad and lonely. He never expects anyone to understand him, nor does he want to cause trouble to the children. He would rather bear all the pains and struggles alone.
In his heart, the best father's love is to become an upright tree in the eyes of children and stand tall.
3. Love is acceptance, not giving up
Hank, who discovered that his father was seriously ill, nearly collapsed. From the death of his mother and his father to jail, it is now his father who is critically ill. He knew well that if his father was sentenced to prison, he might never get out of the prison gate again. He wants to fight for his father. As always, his father refused all his help.
In court, when Hank's debate took the lead, Dad took the initiative to plead guilty.
Hank was furious and asked his father in the court what his motive was to kill the rogue. In the first trial of the rogue a few years ago, he was only sentenced to 30 days imprisonment instead of the usual 6 months. One year's imprisonment, so contrary to the old man's code of conduct, what happened?
The old man said what he had hidden in his heart for many years: " Because I saw your shadow in him, the same rebellious, reckless and indiscreet... I saw him crying there and told him that things shouldn't be the case. I hope someone can help him, and I also hope someone can help my son. If he gets lost, I just want to be the one to help... "
It turned out that Dad had always regretted being too harsh on the young Hank, and even had always been worried about the loss of his dream of a baseball star because of Hank’s negligence. Even Hank graduated with the first place in law school and refused to attend graduation. ceremony.
In order to compensate for the guilt in his heart, the old man regarded the rogue as his son who left home angrily, hoping to give him a chance to reform, and sentenced him to the lightest penalty. Who knows that after the rogue was released, he committed another crime the next day, drowning the girl who accused him in the water and causing a catastrophe.
And the old man accidentally became the accomplice of the rogue. The only time he took the initiative to help the "son" was a disastrous end.
When Hank asked Dad why the family relationship between father and son stopped abruptly, Dad said lonely: "Because I saw his shadow on you..."
The father’s words made Hanke weep. The many years of confusion and incomprehension revealed the mystery-the father did not refuse to forgive him, but sent his emotions to the wrong person. The father did not compensate the son, but the method of compensation was not. appropriate. The son was kept in the dark and didn't know what the father did.
The scars hidden in the hearts of the two men were uncovered, and the blood was flowing.
In the end, Dad was convicted of murder and sentenced to one and a half years in prison.
The old man was taken away by the bailiff, and everyone left the court. Only Hank was left in the court to hide his face and cry. This scene was like his life for many years. Everyone left him, even himself. A drifting shadow, without roots.
3. Leave a way home for the child
Seven months later, the father was released humanely. When Hank saw the tired father with almost all white hair at the prison gate, his heart became entangled.
At the end of the movie, on the calm lake, a flat boat floats in the middle of the lake. Hank accompanies the old man to go fishing, and the two smiled knowingly when they talked about the three brothers grabbing candy when they were young. After a moment of silence, the old man suddenly said: " You asked me who is the best lawyer I have ever seen. You said it was a lawyer you worked with, and I choose you. "
——This affirmation from my father was more than ten years late, but the moment I heard this sentence, all the shackles and entanglements in my heart disappeared.
Hank didn't say anything, in fact he didn't need to say anything, everything was silent.
In this rare and warm situation, the old man went to another world peacefully.
Recently, I read a lot of books on parent-child education and communication methods. Without exception, everyone pointed out that what children need most is a warm and harmonious family environment, and the most important thing to establish a harmonious relationship is to maintain effective communication.
The men in the play are doing their best in their careers, but they are missing their duties in the roles of father and son. The father did not directly give his son the opportunity to learn from his mistakes, but instead "give up" him and let him live a hard life with "mistakes" on his back.
On the other hand, the son was immersed in his own sad mood, unable to withdraw to take care of the same injured family. His escape deepened the misunderstanding, blocked the flow of love, and blocked his sincerity.
As an adult, he has left the original family behind. In fact, he cannot avoid the influence of the family on him. Even if he struggles internally, what he desires most is the acceptance of the family.
From their own point of view, they "cannot read" each other's language, do not concede or tolerate each other, and have spent so many years with a knife in their minds, and only stand together again when they have to face difficulties.
Fortunately, the suffering gave a family a chance to reunite, let them cuddling and going back to the past.
At the end of the play, the eldest brother stopped Hank, who wanted to go out for a walk after his father's funeral, just because he was afraid that he would suddenly disappear as he did more than ten years ago-no one can do without this family.
Hank and his eldest brother hugged tightly. He knew that his heart had gone home and would not be far away. Hank came to the court where his father had worked all his life, sat in the judge's chair his father used to do, and experienced everything about his father. Even if the father is gone, he is still the big tree, supported by the hearts of the sons.
This is the relationship between father and son, it is never too late to return. It's just that the warmth that should have been in my heart has been late for so many years.
When interacting with people, if you understand that effective communication is just to treat the other person as a "stranger", explain your own thoughts and emotions clearly, and at the same time put aside everything in front of you and your heart, and listen to the other person's words and behind You will find that communication is not that difficult.
Pay more attention to your actions, and you will be surprised to find that your body language has leaked the secrets before the words are spoken.
What I think of "listening" is just that the words have passed through the ear canal without getting into the heart. At some point, your emotions and cognition are already preconceived, you "process" everything you hear completely beyond recognition, and you don't really understand even half of the content of the conversation.
Improve the awareness of effective communication and let every communication have the effect of empathy. Only then will the heart-to-heart bridge be built and people are closely connected.
For children, no matter how big mistakes they make, leave them a way home. The child crying in the wild needs the warmth of the family, give them a hug, tell them it's okay, everything is too late.
Who doesn't forge ahead through mistakes, and who can make everything go smoothly without mistakes. Even when the father who is indomitable and indomitable is not able to express his meaning, why can't our juniors lower their status and try to communicate a few times, and try to express love a few times.
Don't miss the opportunity to stick to each other year after year. To express love and concern in good faith is the best explanation to your family and yourself.
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