1. Avoidant and secure attachment styles.
Henry is a typical secure attachment style, faithful and reliable, consistent with words and deeds, can express emotions and love freely, is not afraid of being dependent, and hopes to experience a higher sense of intimacy in relationships. The love card he gave his wife on Valentine's Day was thrown in the trash because his wife said he was too lazy to clean it up. Years later, he was still willing to send his wife card when it came to festivals. This kind of external expression of love was treated coldly, rudely and even cruelly. The details are so sad to see.
Olive should be an avoidant type. She never admits her own feelings, never answers questions about her feelings positively, especially when she is in a negative mood, she must be mean and tough to choke the other person back, and she is unwilling to expose her vulnerability. Keep yourself safe by keeping others away. In fact, 90% of this character's state is negative emotions. He loves to belittle her husband Henry, creates a sense of alienation, and is reluctant to communicate emotional problems. When quarrels occur, her emotions are hot, and she never feels that she is wrong. In the third episode, Henry once said "in all these years you have never apologized to me for anything", and the tears hit a new low. .
When I watched the first episode, I thought Olive and Henry would get divorced. How did such a relationship endure? It's not a simple matter of love or not. The two have different emotional styles and different needs for intimacy. It spreads to all aspects of life, and obviously, Oliver's unwillingness to face the rift in marriage head-on means that the problem has never been solved.
Looking back, I think it's probably because Henry has been compromising and cooperating with Olive's emotions. This also confirms that if you want to go with people with an avoidant style, you can only make compromises by lowering your expectations. Therefore, because Olive is used to the air-like sense of security given by Henry, Olive will feel unprecedented loneliness and fear after Henry's death.
After so many years in the last episode, his son Chris is still brooding about Olive's emotional damage to the family, but Olive said "you know nothing about marriage". The most voted reply in the comment was moved by this sentence. Marriage is like this, no matter what happens, we must accompany blabla hand in hand, such chicken soup. I have never liked this heroine. Even when she rarely shows a kind side, I don't hate her, because she is cruel but true, or she is the mean and indifferent side of human nature that people don't want to face. I just feel that the personality of this kind of person who hides his feelings too secretly, is too defensive and aggressive to the outside world has not grown over time, rarely meets henry, is protected but not cured. There are two states in old age, either continue to be a hedgehog, or be like olive, can no longer pretend that he has done nothing wrong, get a crash, regret, despair. What I want to say is that I don’t agree with Olive’s definition of marriage. I’m not satisfied with marriage because you are not good. It’s not because you have to carry any emotions I have. It’s not about taking poor communication as the norm, and it’s not about maintaining superficial peace. Rather, on the basis of understanding the needs and limitations of ourselves and the other party, we measure happiness by whether our emotional needs are met, and we ask ourselves whether we can meet the emotional needs of the other party, grow together, and let our feelings grow out of our own spirit. With meat, it becomes thick. 2. The topic
of family of origin is probably about to be chewed up.
. The characters in this play are diverse, the logic is very clear, and everyone's experiences have traces to follow. It can even be said to be a bit stereotyped, which is too in line with modern psychology.
Olive has a suicidal father and an incompetent mother, and I think when she was a child, she continued to play her game regardless of whether her parents were around or not, and she must have pretended not to care. So she grew up to be an independent and sensible person who was mean and indifferent at the same time, showing an anxiety-avoidant borderline personality in extreme situations, and a child who was not adequately cared for under anger.
Chris has a mean and indifferent mother and a kind and loyal father. He used to laugh at his father with his mother, and then he sympathized with his father and confronted his mother when he was sensible. Chris's first marriage ended in failure. The woman was a person with a completely different personality from her mother, Olive, who was very disgusted by Olive. Afterwards, chris went to see a psychiatrist for treatment, and met ann who was also undergoing psychological treatment. Such two people are probably more able to empathize, and only with empathy can they have deep-level exchanges.
One of the things that Chris likes most to me is that he can see a lot of problems clearly through his own efforts. In his childhood, he grew up under his mother's merciless blows and random evaluations, which made him "always feel awful" for a long time, probably showing that he could not identify with himself or feel the importance of being an individual. It is not until the middle-aged marriage fails and undergoes psychotherapy that he can see that most of those awful feelings are not his fault, and he does not need to pay for the faults of others. In this case, a sentence "this is not your fault" is enough to make the parties cry.
Years later, Olive complained that he didn't call her because he was making a living abroad. Chris said that because "you always talk to me like i'm a shit", the logic in this is really terrifying, and it can be extended to explain the relationship between relationships. Many patterns, how others treat you, are actually taught to them by you.
The example of Kelvin is even more typical. With an irresponsible father and an alcoholic and depressive mother, Kelvin grew up to be a quiet and sensitive teenager who went to a prestigious school to study neuroscience. He has a masochistic and emotionally unstable ex-girlfriend, and he can't forget her. When he appeared on the scene, kelvin was going to commit suicide in the woods, which may also be related to emotional injury. This understated ex-girlfriend is simply a younger version of his mother. When he was a child, kelvin didn't get enough attention and love. When he grows up, he will be attracted to such a girl, trying to make up for the regret of not protecting his mother well. In this interaction, feedback from each other is obtained to make up for the lack of love and intimacy and dependence for many years.
3. Everyone is sick.
I mean, the health of the personality.
The family of origin and the tempering of later experiences are one aspect, and attachment style has even been shown to be partly determined by genetics. In this drama, we can see that some people have stronger self-awareness, can see their own problems earlier and seek outside help to educate themselves, while some people are not paying attention to the inner world but to the external world, and they don't even realize that The problem is hidden, and more people realize that some things are vague and unclear, which is very interesting.
The four-episode mini-series has a total of four hours, and the title is particularly delicate, creating a work of art that contrasts with the conflict of the plot. The time span is twenty-five years, and various changes and constants can be seen from it. Drama of the year.
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