God
, which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds
in Christ Jesus
in the knowledge and love of God and of His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord,
keep your hearts and minds and the
blessing of God Almighty. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
be upon you and remain with you, this day and always. Amen. You will always be with you Amen ("Blue Monday" by New Order) - does prayer work? - Will that do the trick, do you think? We're about to find out. Yorkshire, 1983 Jimmy! All right? - Ready? - Ready. Mom, please guys wait a minute Mum, please. Lads, wait.
Just get in the car. I
'll be back in five minutes. Let's get it over with. Shouting Fiona, Fiona! Read out from the top
. Fiona, just read it out. Let's see. Read Fiona from the first one, read it out, look 3 A's, I got three A's! I got three A's! Three A's! - Chris, What score did you get? - Grand Slam - Chris, what did you get, man? - Full house! 3 A Three A's! Three A's! (laughs) - I knew you could do it - Grand Slam - Told you you would. - Full house! - Hey, what did you get? - Er, A and two B's. - How were your grades? - 1A plus two Bs - Here comes Dakin - Good boy - Hey, it's Dakin. - Stuuuuhoooo... Stu, what happened? Good boy, how?
- Don't you want to check the grades? - I knew it last night-
Are you not gonna look? - I got mine last night.
- I guess
too- Lucky Boy- I bet you did. - (laughs) You jammy sod.
- Lockwood- Felix
- Lockwood. - Felix.
- Lockwood - Principal
- Lockwood. - Sir.
Why are you dressed as a milkman
?
- Is the job, the principal, the holiday work - the milk delivery?
- Working, sir. For the 'olidays. - As a milkman? After the holidays
you 'll be
coming back to try for Oxford and Cambridge. Your A-level results are the
best
we've ever had,
and they demand that you return for an extra term to work for the examination to our ancient
university
universities.
One more term, boys. One more push. In the meantime, try and do
something... fitting. - I'm in the bookstore, the principal - Good- I 'm in a bookshop, sir. - Good, good . Go to the toilet - Be a dancer - Lavatory attendant, sir. - Gigolo. - Congratulations, boys. - Congratulations, boys. - Mrs. Lintott! 3 A (shouts) Three A's! Three A's! (cheering and yelling) - so we have to meet again? - Yes, teacher So, we shall be meeting again after all. - (all) Yes, sir . - At school you don't get parole . .
- Ah, you poor boys. - See you
next term ,
sir . "The happiest youth, viewing his progress through, What perils past, what crosses to ensue, Would shut the book and sit him down and die . " Congratulations, Dorothy. You must be very satisfied . Congratulations, Dorothy. You must be very pleased. ("This Charming Man" by The Smiths) Good morning , Morning! Mrs. Lintott) You are entitled, though only for five minutes, Dakin, to feel pleased with yourselves. No one has ever had such good grades in either English or science
No one has done as well. Not in English, not in science, not
even
in media studies. Not even, dare I say it, in media studies. And you
alone
are up for Oxford and Cambridge.
Start reading, the title of the first essay this term is
So, to work. First essay this term will be the Church on the eve of the Reformation.
- (groans) Not again, Miss. - This is Oxford and Cambridge .
- Don't do it, teacher - now it's for Oxford
and Cambridge You don't just need to know it, you have
to memorize it backwards, Timms. You don't just need to know it, you need to know it backwards, Timms. Facts, facts, facts. They're
smart, but they're rude.
They're clever, but they're crass. And were it
Bristol
or York, I'd have no worries.
But what about
Oxford and Cambridge?
We
need a strategy, Dorothy, a game plan.
- They know what they have to learn - But they lack taste
- They know their stuff. - But they lack flair .
Hector teaches them
Culture they can get from Hector.
You teach history, but...
History from you, but...
I'm going to speak my mind.
I'm thinking aloud now.
What else is missing?
Is there something else?
Think
charm, think polish.
Think... Renaissance man.
Think the Renaissance man.
Let me figure it out, Dorothy
Leave it with me, Dorothy, leave it with me.
Yes
, Headmaster.
(knocking)
Wilkes
.
Ah, yes. An innovation to the timetable.
Yes, a new class schedule
- PE. - Yes, Headmaster.
- PE .
For the Oxbridge set. "Surely not", you say. But why not
?
It's the toughest test of their lives I want them all alive
This is the biggest hurdle of their lives and I want them... galvanized.
Galvanized. Yes, Headmaster
.
The headmaster of
In the timetable, our esteemed headmaster has given these periods the
dubious
title of "general studies".
Tell you a secret, boys
I will let you into a little secret, boys. There is
no
such thing as general studies. General studies is a
waste
of time.
Knowledge is sloppy that is very detailed
Knowledge is not general, it is specific.
And
nothing to do with getting on.
But
remember, "All knowledge is precious
whether or not it serves the slightest " "human use", close quotation marks.
No matter how small the contribution to human beings,
who said this? Akart? Timms?
Who said, Akhtar? Timms?
Lockwood, Dakin? (sighs)
Lockwood? Dakken?
"Beautiful cherry trees in full bloom..."
"Lovelies of trees, the cherry now..."
- It's Housman - It's Housman
- A Housman, sir. - "AE Housman, sir."
Teacher, isn't he comrade?
Wasn't he a nancy, sir? Foul, festering,
grubby
-minded little trollop.
- Do not use that word. - But you use it, sir.
- But you used it too,
sir- yes, but I
'm already a bad old man could report you.
You can't hit the student, the teacher, we can sue
.
I know, I know.
Give us some respect.
You should treat us with more respect. We're scholarship candidates now, sir.
- to go to oxford and cambridge - why? - We're all going in for Oxford and Cambridge . - Oxford and Cambridge
! What for? It's because other boys want to go there. It's the hot ticket, standing room only. That's a hot first - where did you read, teacher? - Sheffield University - Where did you go, sir? - I went to Sheffield. I had a great time
- I was happy! - (sniggering)
"
Happy is England, sweet her artless daughters; Enough her simple loveliness for
me." Keats.
Love is fuller" by the poet
Keats
We won't be examined on that, will we, sir?
- Keats? -
Joy- Keats? - Happiness.
(approaching footsteps)
- Are you? -
Irwin - You are? - Irwin.
- Irwin? - The temporary contract teacher.
Quite
so. Yes
. The examinations are at the end of term, which gives us , er... three months, at the outside. - You were in Cambridge, you should know this - Oxford, Christ College - You were at Cambridge. You know the form. - Oxford. Jesus.
I wanted to go to school, but it was the 50s.
You see... II thought of going.
But this was the... the '50s.
Change was everywhere, everyone wanted to take risks .
Change was in the air, and a spirit of adventure.
Where did you go after that?
So, where did you go?
I was a geographer and went to Hull University
. I went to Hull.
They were promising young men full of passion.
They're a likely lot, the boys . Erm, erm... All keen
. One oddity - Rudge. Determined
to try for Oxford. Christ Church, of all places. One oddity - Rudge. (laughs) No hope. No. Might get into Loughborough, in a bad year. (laughs) Er... otherwise, all bright. But they need polish .
Edge. Your job.
Then your job.
We're low in the league.
Our school is not well rated and I'm looking forward to getting into Manchester Grammar School and the like
. I want to see us up there with Manchester Grammar School, Haberdasher Askes,
like Asco Business School
Leighton Park.
And Leighton Park. Is
that an open prison?
Or is that an open prison?
No matter. There
is a vacancy, in history. That 's very true. I mean In the school. - Ah. - ( both laugh nervously) Get me scholarships, Irwin. It's your job to make us rise Pull us up the table and it's yours. Our curriculum is packed II'm corseted by the curriculum. But you can come to three lessons
But I can find you, er... three lessons a week.
- Not enough- I
agree- Not enough. - (stammers) Yes, I agree. think i know where we can filch an hour . What would you like to play this afternoon ? O?voudriez-vous travailler cet apr-midi? I want to do a scene working in a brothel
Je voudrais travailler dans une maison de passe. -Oh
! Look! -What is this-
Oh l?l? - Qu'est-ce que c'est? A brothel- A
brothel . He'd like to work in a brothel. Well we start with Tröbien. But in this brothel… Mais une maison de passe Every customer speaks using hypothetical and conditional sentences o?tous les clients utilizent le subjonctif ou le conditionnel. ok- (all sigh ) - Bien. - yes sir- ok- D' accord, monsieur. client. hello sir hello dear - Bonjour, monsieur. - (gruff voice) Bonjour, ch ie. (laughing) Please come in and see this is the bed for you
Entrez, s'il vous pla. Voil?votre lit. -This
is the lady who serves you-oh
haha- Et voici votre prostitu. - Oh l?l?
I want to lie in bed
Je veux m'endre sur le lit.
The conditional should be used here je voudrais "
I would like to stretch out on the bed," Je voudrais. "I would like to stretch out on the bed,"
in the conditional or the subjunctive.
Continuez
, mes enfants.
Please . Don't go to bed with shoes Mr.
Mais les chaussures, monsieur. Pas sur le lit.
Oh sorry miss sorry
Oh! Excusez-moi, mademoiselle, excusez-moi.
And your pants Mr.
- Et votre pantalon, s'il vous pla顃. - (all moan)
Hurry up
- Come on! Sir... - Sir! Sir!
Oh what beautiful legs
Oh! Quelles belles
jambes
!
Yes, please, Miss
Oui. La prostitu, s'il vous pla.
- (giggles) - (whistling)
how much? 10 francs
- (high-pitched) A quel prix? - Dix francs
. 10 francs and I'll show you my beautiful boobs...
Dix francs. Pour dix francs, je peux vous montrer ma prodigieuse poitrine.
No no no...
(Timms) Ah, non, non, non...
(knocking)
ah Here comes another guest
- Un autre client. - (all gasp)
Ah dear Mr. Principal
Ah! Cher monsieur le directeur.
What are you doing, Mr. Hector?
Mr. Hector, what on earth is happening?
No no English is forbidden here We only speak French
L'anglais c'est interdit. Ici, on ne parle que françois.
We are doing important assumptions and conditionals Sentence practice
En accordant une importance particuli 鎢e au subjonctif.
Uh…
Oh... Erm...
oh what's going on here?
Qu'est-ce qui s'est pass?ici?
Pourquoi ce gar鏾n... Er... Dakin, isn't it?
(French) Why is this boy called Dakin?
Where are your pants? Can someone explain it to him?
...est sans... er... trousers?
Ah! Erm... Quelqu'un?
Oh don't be shy
Oh! Ne sois pas timide.
Tell our dear principal what we did
Dites? cher monsieur le directeur ce que nous faisons.
I play a man he... You are not just a man
- Je suis un homme qui... - Vous n' les pas un homme!
You are a soldier a wounded soldier
Vous馾es un soldat. Un soldat bless?
Dear principal, do you understand?
Vous comprenez, cher monsieur le director? -
Soldat bless? - Wounded soldier, of course
.
'est un hound ital en Belgique.
Here is a hospital
in Belgium Belgium ? Why...Belgium?
Belgique? Pourquoi Belgique? -In Ypres -In
Ypres?
-?Ypres. - Ypres?
-Ypres -Ypres ? Pendant la guerre mondiale num閞o un. -Ypres -yes- Ypres . - C'est 鏰! Dakin est un soldat bless? It was a brutal war Un mutil?de guerre. others It is the doctors and nurses Et les autres sont des méecins, infirmies, all who are in this great house are healers and healers et tout le personnel d'un grand ablissement méical et thé apeutique .Go on my kids Continuez, mes enfants. (screaming) He's calling his mom Il appelle sam 鑢e. Daddy daddy Mon p黢e! Mon p黢e!
He's calling out to his dad
Il appelle son パンレ!
He's distracting him
Il est distrait, il est distrait.
He's probably mentally stimulated
Il est commotionn? peut-lurre.
What?
Comment?
( French) He was shot, probably mentally stimulated. Commotionn
? Shell-shocked.
Yes, the word is very accurate
.
New teacher
Permettez-moi d'introduire Monsieur Irwin, notre nouveau professeur. - Enchant
? - Enough of this silliness! No, not silliness! Cambridge - Nobody told me Mr. Hector, you are aware these pupils are Oxbridge candidates? Nobody's told me. Mr. Irwin will be coaching them, but it's a question of time.
I've found him three lessons
a week, but I was wondering... Purely on a temporary basis.
- This is the last time - the last time you said was the last time
- The last time, I promise. - Last time was the last time.
- I'm thinking of the boys. - I am, too. No, absolutely not. No . No, no, no.
- I'm thinking of these lads - me too, I don't agree
No negotiation, so sorry...
C'est hors de question, et puis, si vous voulez m'excuser,
I'm going to continue on me
je dois continuer ma leön. ?tout ?l'heure. -
(bell rings) - Fuck.
Damn
(all laugh) But it 's true
, time is running out
don't have much time.
We
don't even have to do French.
Now, who goes home?
Who is going home now?
I can give him a ride.
Well, surely I can give somebody a lift.
- Who's in the back seat? Dakken? - No,
I'm going into town. - Who's on pillion duty? Dakin? - Not me, sir. I'm going into town.
- Crowther? - I'm going for a run, teacher
- Crowther? - I'm off for a run, sir.
- Akart? - I'm going to the computer club, teacher
- Akhtar? - Er... computer club, sir.
- Ah. - I'll come, sir. - I'll come
with you, teacher -
Oh, no, never mind.
- I'll come, teacher- Scripps
I'll come, sir.
Ah! Scripps.
For God's sake
The things I do for Jesus. - It's never
my turn- You are too young-
It's never me . - You're too young still. It will happen. Now that you've achieved puberty.
If it were a little darker
If rather late in the day.
Hector might
put his hand on your knee Mr. Hector is likely, at some point, to try and put his hand on your knee.
So Hector is a sadly gay
This is because Mr. Hector is a homosexual and a sad fuck. The drill is to look at the hand and go
, "And what does Mr. Hector want?
"
There's no answer.
Well, he has no answer for this and so will desist.
Thrutch
up.
- I just think I should have been told. - He comes highly recommended
.
- Anne of Cliffs too - who?
- So did Anne of Clleves. - Who?
- He's up to date, he
's up to the present- He's up to the minute, Dorothy, more "now".
Now? I thought history was "then ".
Felix
Felix.
Anne of Cliffs Who is she?
Anne of Cleves. Remind me.
-
Fourth wife of Henry VIII, sir. - Of course. She was the
one they told him was Miss Dish But it was so ugly only, when she turned up, she had a face like the wrong end of a camel's turd. Quite so. That's right - what's wrong with you, lad? - I have a leave request - What's the matter with you, lad? - Oh, I've got a note, sir. How much did it cost? How much for? (laughs) I don't do notes. Get changed. There's no such thing as a time off, go change clothes - Teacher... - God never asks for time off - Sir... - God doesn't do notes either. Did Jesus say, "Can I be excused the Crucifixion?" No. Did Jesus say, "Can I be excused from the cross?" No.
In fact, I think he said
Actually, sir, I think he did. Change
your clothes and one day you'll be saved
Change! One day it will save your life.
Exercise doesn't save lives, just delays death .
Nothing saves anyone's life , sir. It just postpones their death.
The Lord Jesus will save you, young man
Jesus Christ will save your life, lad,
if you only let him into your heart!
I
'm Jewish, sir
I
'm Muslim, sir. Very
good
- Very good. - (applause)
Most excellent. Excellent (all) Ooooh!
Go on ! Lad, lad, lad! Friends you are insulting yourself , insulting God You're letting yourself down, you're letting God down. - What's up with God? - Listen, boy, this body doesn't belong to you
- What's God got to do with it? - Listen, boy, this isn't your body.
- Not mine? - That's right, it was loaned to you by God- No
? - No!
This body is on loan to you from God . 20 what? Hail Marys ? The Virgin Mary? Hurry up Do it. You're late , go change your clothes- You're late. Get your kit off. - I'm on the staff. - I'm a teacher- I've never seen you- (laughing) - Well, I 've never seen you. What's this ? - Do you need help? - Do you understand? - Do you need a hand with that, sir? - Is it joined-up writing? Mrs. Lintott's given me a view of some of your latest essays . not very good
The experience was interesting. The essays not. Dull.
很枯燥
Dull. Abysmally dull.
超枯燥的
这篇写凯旋的内容 是最枯燥的一篇
A triumph. The dullest of the lot.
- 所有重点我都写了 - 我没说「错」，我说「枯燥」
- I got all the points. - I didn't say it was wrong. I said "dull".
- 差得难以置信 - 你的字很难看
- Its sheer competence was staggering. - You've got crap handwriting.
那是你视力有问题 我们都知道是为什么
It's your eyesight that's bad and we know what causes that.
Sir! Is that a coded reference to the mythical dangers of self-abuse?
你是在暗示说打手枪吗？
- 也许我是在说笑呀 - 说笑？
- It might even be a joke! - (Dakin) A joke, sir?
Oh. Are jokes gonna be a feature? We need to know as it affects our mindset.
Are jokes also part of the lesson? That will affect our minds
. You don't object to the word "mind", right?
You don't object to our using the expression "mindset", do you, sir? Mr.
Hector
doesn't care for Mr. Hector doesn't care for it. At the time of the Reformation, there were 14 foreskins of Christ preserved,
but it is believed that the genuine foreskins were actually preserved in Rome. John Lateran Church but it was thought the Church of St. John Lateran in Rome had the authentic prepuce. Don't think we're shocked by your mention of the word "foreskin", sir. Don't think the term "foreskin" Would scare us No, some of us still have them. No, sir. Some of us even have them. Not Posner because he's Jewish. Not Posner, though, cos he's , well... Jewish. It's one of several things he doesn't have. - Shut up! - That's not racism
- Fuck off. - That's not racist, though, sir
. - Race-related, but not discriminatory
- Isn't it? - It's race-related. But not racist. Has
anyone been to Rome or Venice?
Has anybody been to Rome or Venice?
Florence? No
Florence? No. The other candidates
will
have been and have done courses on what they've seen.
So will know, to write about the church in the Reformation
So they'll know, when they do an essay on the Church at the time of the Reformation, that , oh, look, some silly nonsense on the foreskins of Christ will come
in
handy,
so their essays, unlike yours, will never be dull
so that their essays, unlike yours, will not be dull
.
They're not even bad, they're just boring. You haven't got a hope.
- Then why bother preparing for homework? - I don't know,
tell me- So, why are we bothering? - I don't know. You tell me. You want it
, your
parents want it . The headmaster, he certainly wants it.
And me? I wouldn't waste the money and be happy as long as I could
go to Newcastle Me? I wouldn't waste the money. I'd go to Newcastle and be happy.
- Of course, there is another way. - Oh! How?
- Of course, there are other ways - how?
- Cheat - Maybe
- Cheat! - Possibly.
- Dakin. - Sir? - Dakin
- What?
Don't be mad, we're running out of time
Don't take the piss. There isn't time.
- What a pretentious person - That's what it's like to be a teacher
- What a wanker. - They all have to do it, don' t they?
- what is this? - Act like you know everything
- Do what? - Show you they're still in the game.
- Talk about foreskin or something, the devil - He's only a little older than us
Foreskins and stuff. "Oh, sir, you devil."
Have a heart. He's only five minutes older than we are.
What happened with Hector, on the bike? Did
Hector do anything on the bike?
As
per. Except I managed to get my bag down.
He thought he was the one who got me sexually, but it was my Tudor Economics Vol. 2
I think he thought he'd got me going,
but, in fact, it was my Tudor Economic Documents, Volume Two.
(laughs)
("Mustapha Dance" by The Clash)
So what can a war tell us?
So, let's summarize. The First World War, what points do we make?
Trench
warfare. - Mountains of dead
.
- On both sides. - Generals stupid. -
On
both sides. - Armistice. Germany
humiliated . - Inflation Collapse of the Weimar Republic, internal disorder, the rise of Hitler. So our conclusion is that the origins of the second war Unsatisfactory outcome of World War I lie in the unsatisfactory outcome of the first. - Yes. Excellent - Yes. Yes. - First class. Bristol welcomes you with open arms. Manchester desires you Joining the University of Leeds is even more so . Manchester longs to have you. You can walk into Leeds! I spent 70 of the same papers at Magdalen College and fell asleep
But I'm the fellow of Magdalene College,
I've just read 70 papers saying the same, and I'm asleep.
- that's all facts - what about the facts?
- But it's all true. - What's truth got to do with it
?
What's truth got to do with anything?
- The new teacher seems to be quite smart - Yes, super good
- (Mrs. Lintott) The new man seems clever. - He does. Depressingly so.
- Didn't you go to Oxford? - Was Cambridge
- Didn't you try for Oxford? - Cambridge.
Campus Cloisters,
Cloisters. Ancient libraries.
I thought being in an old building was learning
I was confusing learning with the smell of cold stone.
Even if I went
If I had gone I'd probably never have worked out the difference. Durham
University's history department is quite famous. I ate pizza there for the first time.
Durham was very good for history. It's where I had my first pizza.
Other
things too, of course, but it's the pizza that stands out.
Er, Dakin's a good-looking boy, though somehow sad. Daken is
good, just kind of sad said he was sad, I would have said he was cunt-struck. I don't think he's gloomy but he's charming and sexy Dorothy. I thought you'd like compound adjectives I'd have thought you'd have liked that . It's a compound adjective. - You like compound adjectives. - Yeah . fight
The truth was, in 1914, Germany doesn't want war.
It was Britain who started the war.
Yeah, there's an arms race, but it's Britain who's leading it.
Why didn't anyone admit this?
So, why does no one admit this?
That's why. The dead. The
body count. We don't like to admit the war was even partly our fault cos so many of our people died. All the grief obscures the truth, not for fear of us forgetting, but for fear of us remembering the truth. It's not "lest we forget", it's "lest we remember ". That's what all this is about - the memorials , the Cenotaph, the two minutes' silence.
Because there is no better way of forgetting something than by commemorating it.
As for the truth, Scripps, forget it. In
an examination, truth's not an issue. Do you really believe this or are you trying to convince us? You really believe this, sir? Or are you just trying to make us think? Epic isn't a liar Can't explain away the poetry, sir. - Art always wins - how about this? - Art wins in the end. - What about this one, sir? " Those long, uneven lines Standing as patiently " As if they were stretched outside The Oval or Villa Park, The crowns of hats, the sun On mustached archaic faces
"Grinning
as if it were all An August Bank Holiday lark."
"
Never such innocence, Never before or since,
just as change itself silently happens all the time"
As changed itself to past Without a word."
"The gardens are so tidy"
"The men leaving the gardens tidy."
"
The thousands of marriages Lasting a little while longer."
"Never again ." So naive"
"Never such innocence again."
How can you recite these things?
How come you know all this by heart? Not that it answers the question.
So much for our "glorious dead". Yeah Quite . Actually, Fiona's my Western front.
Well, last night, for instance. I
thought
it might be the big push. So, encountering only token resistance,
I decided to survey the actual location I reconnoitered the ground as far as the actual place. - Bullshit- No, I mean it did n't happen- Shit! - No, I mean not onto it. The metaphor really fits. And the metaphor really fits. I mean, moving up to the front, troops presumably had to pass the sites of previous battles. Well I mean, moving up to the front , so it is with me. Like her twin peaks just got over three weeks ago
Like particularly her tits, which only surrendered about three weeks ago.
Also the start of a southward advance
And which were indeed the start line of a determined thrust southwards.
What happened?
What's the matter?
- That's forbidden land - fuck
- No-man's-land. - Ah, fuck.
So what should I do?
So, what do I do with this?
A controlled demolition operation?
Carry out a controlled explosion?
Sure,
at least I'm doing better than Felix.
- Felix? - No way
- Felix? - No!
He's trying to get her on all the time
. Tries to. Chases her around the desk.
No!
But the metaphor isn't right .
Actually, the metaphor isn't exact
because Fiona might be doing a planned retreat
because what Fiona is presumably carrying out is a planned withdrawal. You're not
forcing
her, she's not being overwhelmed by superior forces.
- Does she like you? - Of
course- Does she like you? - Course she likes me. Then you're
not
disputing the territory, just negotiating over the pace of the occupation. Just let
us know after the capture of Berlin
us know when you get to Berlin.
I
'm beginning to like him more.
- Who, me? - Irwin. Though he hates me.
- Who, me? - It's Ervin, though he doesn't like
me
Jimmy!
Be happy, at least he's talking to you
(Scripps) Cheer up. At least he speaks to you.
Most
guys wouldn't even speak to you.
- Love can be very irritating. - How do you know? - Love can be very irritating. - How do you know
?
That's what I always think about God . That's what I
always think about God. He must get so pissed off, everyone
adoring
him all the time. He must get so pissed off, everyone adoring him all the time . Only you don't catch God poncing about in his underpants. ( "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" by Hart and Rogers) (Posner) I'm wild again Beguiled again A simpering, whimpering child again Bewitched, bothered and bewildered Am I Couldn 't sleep and wouldn't sleep When love came and told me I shouldn't sleep Bewitched, bothered and bewildered Am I
Lost my heart, but what of it?
He is cold, I agree
He can laugh but I love it
Although the laugh's on me
I'll sing to him
Each spring to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered
Am I
well
done, Posner. And now for some
poetry
of a more traditional sort.
Oh, God! What are you doing, Tim
? Er, Timms, ww-what is this? Sir, I don't want to understand poetry Sir, I don't always understand poetry. You don't want to understand? Timms, I never understand You don't always understand it? Timms, I never understand it.
But learn it now, know it now, and you will understand
it, whenever.
We haven't experienced what poetry says.
I don't see how we can understand it.
Most of what poetry's about hasn't happened to us yet. But it
will
, Timms , it will. And
when
it does, you'll have the antidote ready.
Grief, happiness, even when you're dying.
We're making your deathbeds here, boys. Er, we've got an ending, sir. Oh ! Goody! Yes, well... Be sharp. Where's the
kitty ? What about the actors? (mumbling) And we have to smoke , sir. I happen to have some
And I happen to have some, sir. Well- Very
well
. - (piano)
Jerry
, please help me (as woman) Jerry, please help me.
Shall we just have a cigarette on it
? cigarette? - OK
Yes!
Can I come over occasionally?
May I sometimes come here?
This is your home as long as you like it
. Whenever you like. It's your home too. There are people here who love you.
- Are you happy, Charlotte? - Jerry, you don't have to pick the moon for me
And will you be happy, Charlotte?
Oh, Jerry! Don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars!
We have the stars
(piano crescendo)
is lovely
Lovely.
Hm!
Yes Paul Henreid and Bette Davis in "Out of the Past," right?
Could it be Paul Henreid and Bette Davis in Now, Voyager?.
(all laugh)
It
is famous, you ignorant little tarts. - But we never heard
of it, sir. - Oh! Walt Whitman, "Leaves of Grass".
Mann's "Leaves of Grass"
"The untold want, by life and land ne'er granted, "The untold want, by life and land ne'er granted ,
" sail thou forth, to seek and find." Turn to page 50 50p, please. Logy Ah, Rudge. - No 'Go for it' movies - what to do? There's nothing on the Carry On films. - Why? Should there be? - The exam. Mr. Irwin said the Carry Ons would be good films to talk about. Weird Do you think he likes those? How peculiar. Does he like them, do you think? Maybe not, who knows
Probably not. You never know with him.
I
'm now wondering if there's something there that I've missed. Well, Mr. Irwin says
that
, "Whilst they have no intrinsic artistic merit..."
Ahem!
(quietly) "...they achieve some of the permanence of art simply by
persisting A
place"
and acquire incremental significance if only as social history. "
Oh my God, you must have had a great time
Dear me. What fun you must all have.
His teachings are different from yours and very innovative, really
Well, it's not like your stuff, Miss. It's cutting edge, it really is.
- Where do you live, sir? - Horsforth .
Not far from Mr. Hector, sir. He might even give you a lift.
Not an attic, right?
It's not a loft, is it, sir?
Do you eat fast food or gourmet food?
Do you exist on an unhealthy diet of takeaways
or do you whisk up gourmet meals for one?
- or just eat pizza? - I'll fix it myself
- Or is it a lonely pizza, sir? - I manage!
Are you okay, Dakken?
No questions from you, Dakin? What
they
want to know, sir, is do you have a life?
Or are we your life?
Or are we it? Are we your life? It's pretty dismal if you are, cos these are as dreary
as ever You get a question, you know the answer. But then, so does everybody else. So, say something different and say the opposite
So, say something different, say the opposite.
Well, listen, for example Stalin
OK, look, er... take Stalin. He's generally agreed to be a monster, and rightly
so Dissent
. Find something, anything, and say it in his defense. A question is about what you know , it's not about what you don't know. A question about Rembrandt, for instance, might prompt an answer on Degas. - Was Dougal also a guru? - "About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; how it takes place while someone's eating or opening a window. " They're working hard when they're having a big meal or chilling out."
- Have you done that with Mr. Hector? - Done what
? - what?
That poem you quoted was Auden, right?
The poem. You're quoting somebody. Auden, isn't it?
Is it? Was it, sir? Sometimes
it just flows out, you know, brims over. Was
he scripted or just random?
Does he have a program or is it just at random?
- The pursuit of knowledge- The pursuit of knowledge is understandable-
Knowledge. - The pursuit of it for its own sake.
What we are doing is sharing the wisdom of our predecessors
Breaking bread with the dead , that's what we do.
-
It's higher than your stuff, sir, it's nobler. - Only not useful. Mr. Hector's not as focused.
- Not at all, he's delirious - We know what to do in your class
(Lockwood) Not focused at all. He's blurred, sir.
We know what we're doing with you.
Half the time with him, we don't know what we're doing. We're
all fuzzy in his class
We're poor lost sheep where we are, teacher?
We're poor little sheep that have lost our way.
- Where are we? Where are we, sir? - Sit down.
Teacher, hello young, didn't you come here halfway through school?
You're very young, sir. This isn't your gap year, is it, sir?
I wish it was.
- I wish it was - why? Don't you like teaching us?
(Lockwood) Why, sir? Do you not like teaching us?
We
're not just a hiccup between the end of university and the beginning of life,
like Auden, no ?
like Auden, are we, sir?
- Do you like Auden's poems? - There are
some- Do you like Auden's poetry, sir? - Some, yeah.
Mr. Hector likes to know a little about Auden's us
Mr. Hector does. We know about Auden.
(all) Oh, yes, we do.
-
He was a schoolmaster for a bit. - I believe he was
. Think he's more like you or Mr. Hector?
Yeah, he was. Do you think he was more like you or more like Mr. Hector?
- Why did he have to be like one of us? - I think he is more like Mr. Hector.
I have no idea. Why should he be like either of us?
Oh, I think he was more like Mr. Hector.
Confused, he kissed his student
Bit of a shambles. He snogged his pupils.
It's Auden, the teacher didn't say Hector
Auden, sir, not Mr. Hector.
Can you answer a question about Auden?
So, you could answer a question on Auden, then?
No, what the teacher Hector teaches is useless for the exam
No, sir! Mr. Hector's stuff's not meant for the exam!
Just for us to diversify
It's to make us more rounded human beings.
Listen exam could be anything you know
Listen! This examination's gonna be about everything and anything you know and are,
and
if there's a question on Auden or whoever and you know about it, answer it.
That
would be a betrayal of trust.
Teacher, are there no sacred things? We're so shocked
Yeah! Is nothing sacred, sir? We're shocked
. Answer, they have to listen to scare them to death
. I would, sir, and they would. They're taking the piss.
"
England, you've been here too long,
" "
And the songs you sing are the songs you sung
On a braver day, now they are wrong."
"Just, those are wrong"
- who said that? - Teacher Erwin
- Who's that? - (all) Oh! Mr. Irwin!
-
Stevie Smith's "Not Waving But Drowning" fame.
Don't tell me that's useless knowledge.
If
you get an essay on post-imperial decline,
you're losing an empire, finding a role, all that kind of stuff.
Lose rights, seek to position those subjects
A gobbet like that, it's the perfect way to end it. What
? A what, sir? A gobbet . A quotation. - How much more have you up your sleeves? We've got all sorts. Hey! The train, the train! The train (all imitate train) I really want to do this I'm shivering on the edge
(as woman) I really meant to do it. I stood there trembling right on the edge. But I couldn't
because
I wasn't brave enough. But I couldn't. I wasn't brave enough
. But the kids prevented me
I should like to be able to say the thought of you and the children prevented me.
But it wasn't. I had no thoughts at all. It wasn't
that I didn't think about
you at all. It was just an intense Only an overwhelming desire not to feel
anything at all ever again.
Not to be unhappy any more. Not to be unhappy any
more That's when I nearly fainted. What nonsense is this? - What is all this? - (all) Shh! - Laura- Yes, dear- Laura. - Yes, dear?
Whatever your dream was, it wasn't a very happy one, was it? Whatever your dream was, it wasn't a happy
dream, was it?
No.
Can I help you with anything?
Is there anything I can do to help?
Fred, you always help.
Fred, you've been helping
me
You've been a long way away.
Thank
you for coming back to me. God knows why you
guys learned the "See You Too Late" plot
. God knows why you've learned Brief Encounter. I think you ought to know this lesson's been a complete waste of time.
As heck A bit like Mr. Hector's lessons then, sir. They're a complete waste of time too. Smart arse. But he's not trying to get you through an exam . (all) Ooooh!
- Want a tongue kiss? - What did you say?
- French Kiss? - I beg your pardon?
Newmarket
, three o'clock. - (chuckling)
-
Dorothy. - Thank you, Stanley.
What do you think of them?
So, how are you finding them? You taught them
so well that they
can't see it's a game. You've taught them too well. They can't see it's a game.
- Is history a game? -
For an exam like this, yeah. - For an exam like this, yeah. - Dorothy
. - Ah,
fuck . A dire warning for me - Felix? - I call him the awful warning. - Who? Felix? If you don't watch out, he's what you turn into.
If this was a 1940s
film, he'd be played by Raymond Huntley. Who? He made a speciality of sour-faced judges and vinegary schoolmasters. - Who should I play? - Dirk Bogarde - Who would I be played by? - Dirk Bogarde. I'm not sure I like that. - Dorothy. - Watch out. - Watch out - Hector, that's him Ah , Hector! The very man. - Cheer up , Logie - Chin up, Rudge . - Hello! Mrs. Lintott . conceded that art may have its uses, let me teach you future Oxbridge boys some art history
I gather I'm supposed to give your Oxbridge boys a smattering of art history.
Not my forte, ask
Irwin. Not my bag, Hazel. Irwin's your man.
- Some embellishments are not bad. - Does anyone still care about art?
- It's really just the icing on the cake. - Is art ever anything else?
Michelangelo
.
Well... well
... I suppose.
Who are you looking at?
Who've you got?
- Both nancies. - Are they
?
These
aren't women. They're just men with tits.
And
the tits look put on with an ice-cream scoop.
- Then you like Turner ? -
He's alright - Do you like Turner, then? - He's all right.
Pick some art that you like just for you to enjoy
Well, choose someone you do like. Art's meant to be enjoyed. In the long
term
, maybe, but with us, enjoyment don't come into it.
We haven't time to read the books. We haven't time to look at the pictures.
We really
need lessons in acting. That's what this whole scholarship thing is: an acting job.
Acting Do
boys give you nicknames?
So, have the boys given you a nickname? -
I don't know. - Not that I 'm
aware of. - A nickname is an achievement. sense of something won and also in its armorial sense. Of a badge, a blazon. Unsurprisingly , I am Tott. Or Tottie .
Some irony there, one feels. -
Hector
has no nickname. - Yes, he has. Hector
. His nickname
- But he's called Hector. - That's his nickname too.
He
isn't called Hector. His name's Douglas.
The only time he heard someone call him that was unexpected Wife
Though the only person I've ever heard address him as such
is his somewhat unexpected wife.
Posner
came to see me yesterday. He has a problem.
Didn't get nicknames but knew them The troubles I know very little about
No nickname, but at least you get their problems. I seldom do. Sir, I think I may be homosexual.
- I'm in love with Daken- Does Daken know? - I love Dakin. - Does Dakin know?
You know, he's not surprised
. Yes. He doesn't think it's surprising.
Of course
Dakin likes girls. Though Dakin likes girls, basically. I
'm sympathetic .
might be in the same boat.
- With Dakin? - With anybody.
- To Dakin? - To
everyone
. That's sensible. The hardest thing for
students to accept is that teachers are just ordinary people .
One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human. One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human. One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is
human
. of the hardest things for a teacher to learn is not to try and tell them.
- Is this a stage, teacher? - Do you think this is a stage?
- Is it a phase, sir? - Do you think it's a phase?
Some
of the literature says it will pass.
I'm not sure I want it to pass.
But
I want to get into Oxford. But I want to get into Oxford. If I do, Dakin might love me.
Or I'll stop thinking about him
Or I might stop caring.
- Will you look back on your life? - I think everybody does this
- Do you look at your life, sir? - I thought everybody did.
I
'm a Jew, I'm tiny, I'm a Jew, I'm small,
gay and I live in Sheffield
I'm homosexual, and I live in Sheffield.
I
'm fucked.
So, all this religion. What do you do
?
Go to church
. Pray.
Is it?
Yes?
That
's so time-consuming. It's so time-consuming. You have no idea.
What else?
Yeah? What else?
Well. Er... it's what you don't do .
You don't not wank? - You're crazy - it won't be forever - Jesus! You're headed for the bin. - It's not forever. Tell me when you're gonna do it for the first time Yeah, well, just tell me on the big day and I'll stand well back. What bothers me is the more you read, the more you see literature is actually about losers . - Ugh, no. - Yeah. It 's consolation. All literature is consolation. I don't care what Hector says. I find literature really louring . What did Hector say? I think literature is super sombre. This is Irwin, isn't it? A line of stuff for the exam. - It's Irwin, all for the exam - no
No.
Well, it isn't wholly my idea. I've been reading this book by Nieshaw.
- Who? - Nieshaw. He's a philosopher. Frederick Nieshaw. I think that's pronounced Nietzsche. Oh, shit. Shit! - What's the matter? - I talked to Irwin about it. - What happened? - I discussed it with Erwin. He didn't correct me. He didn't correct me. He let me call him Nieeee-shaw! - He thought I was a fool. - What did I do wrong? - He'll think I'm a right fool. Shit! - What have I done? Nothing . You've done nothing. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know.
Ah! Irwin! How are our young men doing
?
- Are they going well? -
I think so - Are they on stream? - I think so.
You think so? Good or bad?
(stammers) You think so? Are they or aren't they? Must always be something of a lottery.
Accidents ? I don't like the word, Irwin A lottery? I don't like the sound of that, Irwin. I don't want you to screw up We've failed too many times before. I don't want you to fuck up. We've been down that road too many times before. (rock music) Oi! He 's coming. (cheering) They took the lead off the roofs , they used the timbers to melt it down,
and time did the rest, and all thanks to Henry VIII. If
you want to learn about Stalin, study Henry VIII. If you want to learn about Mrs . Thatcher, study Henry VIII. Or Mrs Thatcher could study Henry VIII. While you and Dorothy are taking them through the history, I'll pitch camp. Of course , Irwin, I'm also always available Though, Irwin, I am constantly available for the provision of useful quotations - sorry, gobbets - on request . " "Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. " "Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang." Remember , boys, festoon your answers with gobbets
and you won't go very far wrong. (Irwin) Actually, singing was the least of it.
The monks were farmers , clothiers, tanners too. , tailors... - (Akhtar) This was a toilet? - (Irwin) One of them. - This was a toilet? - A bit draughty on the bum . - That was the drain down there. They still drink this water? Damn Christians And then they drank out of it? Fucking Christians. What about the Ganges? You're no better. What about the Ganges? You're just as bad. - I'm Muslim, asshole- I'm Muslim, knob. - You all look alike to me anyway. - This what is it? chapel? - No, it was a storeroom- So, what was this, then? Chapel? - No, it was a storeroom. All the harvest of a barn goes here
A barn. All the produce would come in here.
- You know all about it, don't you? - I'm interested in these
- You know it all, don't ya? - It interests me. No, that's
good
. That's good.
- All-male group, isn't it? - Of course they were monks
- All-male community, was it, sir? - Of course. They were monks. Could
there be a bit of that?
- Bit of that, you think? - What?
- What? -
Same-sex stuff. - You blushed, sir.
- You blushed, teacher- Fuck your blushed
. - Have I fuck blushed. Not to me , sir bed to sleep
So, is that why Henry VIII put the boot in, then, sir - because of them bunking up?
- He said so-
It's what he said.
Not much else for them to do , was there?
- I mean, in the time off. - Pray
?
Posner
would make a good monk, except he's Jewish.
- Do Jews have monks? - Yes, I am
- Do Jews have monks? - Yes. I'm one now. Take your time
, teacher
In your own time, sir. Pass the parcel. That's sometimes all you can do. Take it, feel it, and pass it on from generation to generation . Not for me, not for you. Not for me. Not for you. But for someone, in a certain place But for someone, somewhere. someday
One day. Pass it on,
boys
. That's the game I want you to learn.
Pass
it on!
(click)
(buzz of conversation)
Hector, talk Look at
Hector. A word.
Er, this is not the first time, apparently. But
this time she took down the license plate . But on this occasion, she managed to make a note of the number . stammers For the moment, I propose to say nothing about this. But, fortunately, it 's not long before you 're due to retire. In the circumstances, I propose that we bring that forward. I think we should be looking at the end of term.
Have you nothing to say
?
" The tree of man was never quiet; Then 'twas the Roman, now 'tis I."
"The tree of man was never quiet; Then ' twas
the Roman, now 'tis I." This is no time for poetry. - I guess your wife probably doesn't know yet- I don't know Erm, I'm assuming your wife doesn't know. I've no idea. What women know or don't know has always been a mystery to me. What a woman knows and what she doesn't know will always be a mystery to me Will you tell her? And are you going to tell her? Not sure I don't know she'd be interested. I'm not sure she'd be interested. Well, erm... there's another thing. Strange , Strange how even the most tragic turn of events
Irwin's been badgering me for more lessons. In the
circumstances , a concession might be in order. In future, I think you and he might share. I think you can share with him later - share? - Class is divided- Share? - Share! At the same time, I hope you will consider your position. In the meantime, you must consider your position. I do not want to sack you. I do not want to sack you. Everyone is talking People talk. This affects It's so ... untidy. It would be easier for all concerned if you retired early. It would be easier for all concerned if you retired early. Listen , nothing happened. Look, nothing happened. Biao put his hand on the boy's private parts when the car was going 80 kilometers per hour, you said nothing
A hand on a boy's genitals at 50mph
and you call it nothing? The transmission of knowledge is in
itself
an erotic act.
- In the Renaissance... - Fuck the Renaissance-
In the Renaissance ... - Fuck the Renaissance!
Fuck
literature and Plato and Michelangelo and Oscar Wilde And fuck literature and Plato and Michelangelo and Oscar Wilde
and
all the other shrunken violets you people line up.
Here This is a school, and it is n't
normal.
- Are you still there? - Today is Wednesday, teacher
- Still here? - It is Wednesday, sir.
I thought I went to off-campus teaching...
I thought with the day trip to Fountains and...
Well, it's only half past four. It's only half past four
.
- Well, in that case, where's Dakin? - With Mr. Irwin, sir.
- So where is Dakin? - With Mr.
Erwin Ah. Of course.
Of course
- He's showing him past question banks -
He's showing him some old exam questions.
Ah, with all the appropriate gobbets, no doubt Well, no matter. We must keep up the fight without him. -
What have you learned this week? - "Drummer Hodge", sir. Hardy. - What have you learned this week ? - Hardy's "Drummer Hodge" Ah, nice. Not bad "Drummer Hodge was killed" "They throw in Drummer Hodge, to rest Uncoffined -just as found: "Uncoffined as when found" "His landmark It's just a small hill that stands out from the steppe" His landmark is a kopje-crest Which breaks the veldt around;
And foreign constellations west Each night above his mound." "
Young Hodge the Drummer never knew - Fresh from his Wessex home - " The meaning of the broad Karoo, The Bush, the dusty loam, " And why uprose to nightly view Strange stars amid the gloam ." "Yet portion of that unknown plain Will Hodge for ever be; "Hodge became a part of that unknown plain forever" "His northern feelings and mind grew into a big southern tree" His homely Northern breast and brain Grow to some Southern tree, And strange-eyed constellations reign His stars eternally . " Any thoughts?
I
wondered, sir, if this "portion of that unknown plain will Hodge forever be"
is this Hodge forever like the poet Brooke?
is like Rupert Brooke, sir.
"
There's some corner of foreign field, In that
dust a richer dust concealed." It is, it is. It's the same thought. Though Hardy is better, I think.
It 's more ... more, er... well, down-to-earth. The approachable work Quite literally down- to-earth. - Do you know what's the story of this name? - Hodge? - Anything about his name? - Hodge? The important thing is, he has a name. Say Hardy's writing about the Zulu Wars .
Or later, or... The Boer War, possibly. And these were the first campaigns
when soldiers, common soldiers, were commemorated. The names of the soldiers were recorded. dead were recorded and inscribed on war memorials. Before this, soldiers - private soldiers - no one knew their names were all unknown soldiers. And so far from being revered, there was a firm in the 19th century in Yorkshire , of course, which swept up their bones from the battlefields of Europe in order to grind them into fertilizer. So, thrown into a common grave though he may be ,
He
's still Hodge, the Drummer.
Lost
boy though he is, on the far side of the world... he still has a name. How
old is he ? How old was he? If he was a drummer he'd be a boy soldier. If he was a drummer he'd be a boy soldier. Not even as old as you, probably. - No, Hardy- you asked Hardy How old - No, Hardy. - Oh, how old was Hardy? Oh, erm. When he wrote this... about 60. He was about 60 when he wrote this poem . My age, I suppose .A saddish life, though not unappreciated. " Uncoffined" is a typical Hardy usage. It's a compound adjective, formed by putting "un" in front of the noun.
This is a compound adjective with the word "不" before the noun.
Of course , it can also be the verb
Or verb, of course.
Unkissed
,
unrejoicing
, unconfessed,
unembraced . This is a lexical transformation (stammers ) It's a turn of phrase that brings with it a sense of not sharing. Of being out of it, whether because of diffidence or shyness. But a holding back .Not being out of control . Not being in the swim. (stutters) Can you see that? Can you understand? Yes, sir. I can feel something. I felt that a bit. The happiest thing about reading is when you discover something
The best mome
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