I felt very familiar when I saw Brandon. What kind of growth story he has, whether he lives in the bizarre city of New York, these are not so important to me, but just the factors that catalyzed the radicalization of his personality. In fact, there is a Brandon hidden in each of us, but because each person has a different personality and a different release path, the final result is also different. In fact, I have been wondering whether a person's depressive personality is destined to be related to certain tragic childhood experiences and growth experiences. Later facts told me that every factor in life can become a turning point in a person's character. There are a variety of recessive genes hidden in the human bones, and they have been selectively amplified over the years. Whether it is through hardships or smooth sailing, you may be called a perverted serial killer, or a normal person with "spring breeze".
But it has to be said that Brandon is the most ruthless group of people tortured by life. Brandon is a smart person, a realistic person. On the surface, he is so normal, no different from every ordinary white-collar worker walking on the streets of New York, doing an ordinary job, living in an ordinary apartment, and having some ordinary friends. Only when the camera freezes on his face, when we see the twinkling in his eyes, can we read the complicated, difficult-to-sweep loneliness and fear.
Brandon is a wise man, a realistic person, but under his regular life skin, it is his infinitely magnified and unsatisfied soul. He is a person who is too clean about life and can't tolerate half a grain of sand. A person wants to live happily, and he needs to live it away, not to be too real with himself. Brandon was the opposite. His already fragile and delicate nerves made him unbearable for too many things. Brandon's longest relationship is four months. He and different people changed into crazy ML, but he refused to raise a sincere and magnanimous girl he liked. He fears bondage, fears any kind of relationship, any kind of emotional need and need. At the same time he was lonely, fear and desire made him more and more lonely.
Everyone has contradictions. Life is inherently contradictory, and people are also contradictory. Everyone is afraid of losing while longing for love. Everyone yearns for freedom while wanting to bear it. Everyone yearns for the ordinary while worrying about boredom. Brandon's spiritual cleanliness allowed his contradictions to expand infinitely, turning into a small and hard stone to press in his heart, not fatal, but very uncomfortable. Maybe even he himself didn't understand and couldn't control what it was. I don't want to give it any definition, I can only say that it is a chronic poisonous mental state. It is not loneliness, it is not the desire and rejection of love, it does not belong to any kind of belief or disbelief. There are certain things that we can never explain what it is. The more we think about it, the more vague we are. We can only choose not to think about it.
In fact, Sisey has never pushed Brandon to the corner. She just doesn't understand him. And even if she knew it, she couldn't accept it. She is still eager to rely on each other and warm each other with him. But this feeling itself has become the fuse of Brandon's escalation of contradictions, making him even more unable to adapt.
No one understands that feeling better than me. Everyone can only stand on the sidelines like me. We understand but can't do anything. That is his lock. Just like we can never really understand what is locking us, the same.
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